Are aspies bad boyfriends?
I worry I will be
relationships take work, they just take extra effort when it's with someone on the spectrum, from my pov.
he and i have our challenges but i believe him to be a hugely positive influence on my life. so no, i personally feel it depends upon the people involved.
Oh trust me it does take work. Sometimes, when you believe you are in a relationship that you have it all together, out of nowhere it turns out that the relationship awkwardly doesn't work as expected. No worries. Believe me, I don't think having autism means that you have an end all to relationships. You have to continue getting back up even though you hit your head hard on the pavement (metaphor).
Being confused does not make anyone a bad person.
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"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
The way I see it, my cluelessness and bluntness is overridden by my sense of honesty, loyalty and fairness. I certainly thought I was a bad boyfriend in my dating days because I don't have that ability to wow or charm and find change difficult but I believe I make a great Husband because of how dedicated I am. I suppose it depends on what the other person thinks is most important.
One thing we have is dedication to friendship.
I like this. I look at my son and while part of me worries he is a terrible boyfriend to his girl in some ways, never thinking of all the little things a girl would like a guy to do, I also know he is 100% reliable and dedicated. He will never be fickle and I believe she can trust him completely. Those are worth quite a lot.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
Well, it would be presumptuous at best to try to speak for other aspies. I only know myself and what I'm like, so take it with a grain of salt. Also, my only relationship thus far was with a girl who was incredibly needy and clingy, who probably isn't representative of the norm.
I like to make time for myself, it's true, and sometimes I even like to make a lot of time for myself. That said, I enjoy spending time with someone, and if I'm in a relationship with that person than I am willing to make more of an effort. If she wants me to see her every day of every week, and never gives me peace and quiet to enjoy the solo activities I enjoy, then we're incompatible. If she wants to hang out a couple times a week or so and maybe send a text or two everyday wishing one another a great day and a goodnight, I'm up for that. If she's way too busy to hangout even once a week or doesn't return texts within 24 hours that would also be a red flag.
The bottom line is, I'm me, and I don't want to have to stop being me and bend over backwards for someone. I'd much rather meet someone who's in sync with my life or who at least respects me for who I am rather than trying to turn me into something I'm not. Sure, I may need a little more space than most people, but as long as I can have time both time to myself, and with the person I care about, I'm happy. Contrary to what my ex may think, giving me space while I'm working or doing school assignments isn't me time, nor does wanting time to myself mean I'm cheating. In fact, I'm the last person who would ever cheat. Romancing a girl in a videogame doesn't count as cheating as I approach that purely as a goal in the game like any other, and I'm not giving up games with romantic elements. I'll just float an otome game by my significant other or give her the opportunity to sell her soul to the original Mass Effect Trilogy, and then we'll be even.
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