Aspie children with NT friends

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I often feel bothered by children or teens with Asperger's having NT friends. I was diagnosed when I was a kid so I grew up thinking Asperger's means no friends, because I lacked friendships as a kid.

My mum's friend's 11-year-old daughter has been diagnosed with Asperger's and anxiety disorder, but every time my mum sees her (on the occasional Sunday) she always has a classmate at her house, often a different one each time, but there has been the same one more than once as well. That's more than I ever had round my house as a child. How does she get her NT peers to want to spend their Sunday at an Aspie's house? I presume they're NTs, as she goes to a mainstream school and so the vast majority of kids at a mainstream school are NT.

I know there is no rule as to how many friends an Aspie child is "supposed to" have, but trust me to be a friendless Aspie as a child, with no friends wanting to stay at my house or being invited to their's. And I was rather socially-driven as a child, I wanted friends and was interested in people.

I just get baffled.

I guess there are some people who are able to look past the "social deficits" of Aspies, and make friends with them.

I didn't have many friends as a child/adolescent. I was a pleasant enough guy. People just didn't care for my awkwardness.

Perhaps her diagnosis was inaccurate. Psychology isn't infallible.

I've never been able to make friends. Mainly cause I don't know how and have no idea if someone is trying to be my friend. I think your confusion is that you're comparing yourself to someone who probably isn't as severe as you. So while you may be unable to make friends. It doesn't mean that everyone else won't be able to or learn to.

Parent's relationship with another child's parent is also something to take account for. Sometimes they're the ones who set things up.


My mom, she has a LOT of social connections. By nth times more than I could handle in my lifetime. I wasn't socially driven, yet I get (sometimes unwanted) visitors.

Friends? At school? It varies. Let's just say I never had an 'equal'. Either I'm the nurturer, or my friend is. Popularity or not.

The best of friends I had was that neighbor, two sibling girls in a certain family. Closest for an equal too, her mom and mine were best friends. Done too many things -- from playing hide and seek several times a week, to sleepovers -- to the point that it was the best part of my entire childhood revolves there. Even if I was damned clueless. But then, the elder child who's about my age is a lot mature than I was.


I'm not sure in my teens. I practically spent my teen years either in complete withdrawal out of anxiety or in complete apathy and aloofness to the point I never bothered to remember anyone's name in highschool.

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Where do people get this idea that Aspies absolutely cannot make friends?

Asperger's Syndrome (and Autism) are not "absolute" disorders.

Well I am not "severe". And my mum's friend's daughter DOES have Asperger's.

I could tell when another child wanted to be my friend. Well, I could tell when a child DIDN'T want to be my friend. But I knew whether a child liked me or not. Maybe I just never asked them to come to my house, so they never bothered to invite me to their's, I don't know.

The ability to make friends varies.

I made very few friends as a child. I don't have very many now. It's just the way it is. No regrets.

But there are people who are lucky enough to get into situations where superficial "social skills" aren't nearly as important as otherwise. These people will have an easier time making friends and acquaintances.

It's the "luck of the draw," really.

I read in your other threads that you have adhd as well as asd so sometimes a comorbid like that along with aspergers can interfere with how you perform socially, maybe if you didnt have adhd on top of it you might have been more included in social relationships as good as your friends daughter is.

I know you're not talking to me specifically....but I probably had ADHD as well, and still have it (when I was a kid, it wasn't diagnosed yet). That could have interfered with me making friends.

I've had some really good online NT friends in forums.

irl I'm only around other autistics.

It might not be that she doesn't have Asperger's- it could also be because schools have gotten better in regards to things like special ed, preventing bullying, and helping kids make friends. That's how my school is at least. Even though just about all of my friends are autistic or BAP, I can still make friends and not get bullied. I have a few friends and some "acquaintances." I count someone as a friend if I would want to see them again if we weren't in the same class next year. I have about 4-5 friends if you go by that statement. My main point is that it's possible that her school and peers could be more accepting than they were, say, 10 years ago.

I can see it being odd that a child diagnosed with aspergers and anxiety disorder(though anxiety disorder doesn't have to be social.) would have a lot of friends. Maybe her mother was really involved, maybe she grew up in a great environment, I don't know. I'm pretty sure there are some aspies who learned socializing skills, she may be one of them!

I know for me, I really had only like one friend(casual friend) my entire childhood so, I know I would definitely find it strange.

Some aspies don't struggle as much early on in terms of social interaction, and then again many aspies' problems simply don't become apparent until they hit adolescence. I remember my only real social deficit when I was in elementary school was that I could only interact with people a few years younger than I. When I entered high-school and was suddenly made to interact with my actual peers, my social life suffered significantly. No one thought it was a genuine issue when I was younger because I had friends, but it eventually did cause problems. I sympathize with your frustration, though. My sensory issues affect my life more than most aspies I know of, and it bothers me that even among my supposed "people," I'm still the special case.