What does it actually mean to be "socially adept"?

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It seems common for people to consider themselves socially inept, and in my experience I find it pretty rare to find people who consider themselves a people person or a social butterfly. Perhaps it's because the word "popular" holds some negative connotations, and being good with people and being popular are two things that people often connect together even though that is sometimes incorrect.

When people say that someone's "popular" they usually mean "this person isn't actually well liked, but people try to appeal to them in order to become a part of their social circle, so then they can be treated well (often by invoking fear in others as a motivator, which is kind of ironic because popular people are often considered adept at being social, but if they were truly adept at it then they wouldn't have to resort to scare tactics in order to maintain a big following)". So when you consider that, is it really surprising that many people are quick to label themselves outcasts? But really, if you have a group of outcasts- are they truly outcasts since they are technically accepted within their own group?

So, when is someone actually considered adept at interacting socially? When are they considered inept? I know plenty of people with lots of friends who aren't considered popular, but they consider themselves socially inept and often joke about it. But they're clearly well-liked, so can they really be considered inept? It's a confusing world.

I think someone is adept at interacting socially if they are able to socialize well and instinctively. I would consider someone "inept" if they didn't initiate friendships/connections with others and they had a hard time socializing because it didn't come instinctively. I'm socially inept by my definition lol . Popular to me means that you have people around you quite a fair amount of the time and have many friends/acquaintances. People like you if you're popular. That's just my thoughts, though- which are probably completely wrong, as always.

To be truly socially adept, is actually a combination competence of various skills in communication (verbal skills, speech, writing), sociology (knowing one's culture -- norms), psychology (reading people and their states), and others (management/networking, charm, etiquette/diplomacy, etc...).

It's not about number of relations, it's not about memorizing the rules and etiquettes, it's not about appeal. It's not about the attitude if one doesn't have the means.
It's about when it's right, when it's wrong, how socially mobile you are, and what range you could reach even if you don't have the connections or knowledge of rules -- instead, how you 'build' it and use it.

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