Anyone else feel like they're simply beyond lonely?

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Bataar
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18 Aug 2017, 7:08 pm

I've felt/been lonely for a while now and I was thinking about it while driving home from work today and it seems like I'm beyond lonely. Everything I do just re-emphasizes how lonely I am and there simply doesn't seem to be any way out of it. Even going to my group's board game night which I really enjoy, I've realized that it helps alleviate boredom, but being there listening to other guys talk about their families and vacations, just makes me feel more depressed. Being around friends and other people might help with boredom, but does nothing to help loneliness. It's starting to feel like the best thing to do is just stay home in my TV room.



AquaineBay
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18 Aug 2017, 9:39 pm

I feel like I'm beyond lonely. But staying home watching TV and playing games is only going to make the loneliness become worse! At least you have friends to actually go have a fun time with.(which I wish I had.)

Have you ever asked them to just hangout at the house? Maybe go get a bite to eat? Netflix and Chill? I'm just throwing some ideas out there. Maybe you could find other things to do with your friends. I know for me, being at home all the time has caused me to feel like everytime I want to go outside I have to pull out my sword and shield because I have cyclops, chimeras, and gargoyles trying to prevent me from leaving the house...

Basically staying at home all the time would not be a good idea.


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Bataar
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18 Aug 2017, 9:53 pm

My friends are married and have kids. They barely have time to do the once a month board game night.



dragonsanddemons
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18 Aug 2017, 11:43 pm

I think I'm in a similar situation. Until a few weeks ago, I thought I was past the point of feeling loneliness because I'd been socially isolated for so long, but starting to socialize again, even if only online, got me started feeling it again. I don't really have any friends, but being around people makes me feel even more lonely, I guess probably because I see the kind of bonds they have with each other that I don't have, and am starting to wonder if I'll ever have again. I can definitely see how being around your friends would make you feel more lonely if they're talking about things they have in common but you don't share with them. I wish I had some advice to offer, but unfortunately, I don't.


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sly279
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19 Aug 2017, 2:48 am

Yes. Most everything I enjoyed feels empty now.



Bataar
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19 Aug 2017, 12:55 pm

Even the thought of taking my dog to the park for a walk doesn't sound appealing. It's like I have a shadow person walking along beside me screaming, "You're lonely! You're alone!" the whole time.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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19 Aug 2017, 1:49 pm

I do understand the concepts here a little more than I would have preferred to.


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bobchaos
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20 Aug 2017, 9:20 pm

I've also found friends just don't quite help as you'd expect. I have a fairly good time with them, but I'm also very jealous of the ease with which they form bonds. After seeing friends, I usually feel lonelier than I did before, on account of feeling like they all share a deeper connection that's just beyond me (not to mention at my age they're all married/ in ltr with kids, all things that I wanted but failed to accomplish). In addition, I think we tend to form asymetric relationships with NTs, which only amplifies the "lonely even with firends" effect. They are more important to us than we are to them (on account of they have more fulfilling and complete social lives) and that can hit you hard when you come to realize it.

I'm afraid I don't have much to offer but my moral support here, I've not figured out how I'm supposed to deal with these emotions myself. If anyone's got tips...



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20 Aug 2017, 9:31 pm

Believe me, you get used to it.

If I had my way, I'd be a hermit, living in a very small bungalow with no neighbors for at least 50 miles.



blackicmenace
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21 Aug 2017, 6:26 pm

Doesn't get any better for me, just gets worse. I get sick and tired of living from being so lonely. I ineffectively attempt to communicate that mostly seems to lead to one disaster after another. I just keep getting more emotionally unstable and break down. I wish there was an off switch so I wouldn't care so much about it. I envy those that report they care not about the human condition to connect with others in meaningful ways.


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Bataar
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22 Aug 2017, 1:43 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
Doesn't get any better for me, just gets worse. I get sick and tired of living from being so lonely. I ineffectively attempt to communicate that mostly seems to lead to one disaster after another. I just keep getting more emotionally unstable and break down. I wish there was an off switch so I wouldn't care so much about it. I envy those that report they care not about the human condition to connect with others in meaningful ways.

I know what you mean. It's only recently that I've come to the conclusion that loneliness is the root of my unhappiness. I've known I've suffered from depression and feel bored quite a bit and just chalked it up to that. A few weeks ago, a group of friends/acquaintances of mine had our monthly board game night, an event that I really enjoy and is (unfortunately?) the highlight of my month. For some reason, it didn't really do anything for me this time. Sure, I enjoyed the games, but that was about it. I felt really depressed driving home. And then last week, I went to a baseball game with a female coworker. We met for food beforehand and had a great time at the game. I talked to her more than anyone else and probably got to know her better after that one event than I actually know any of my friends/acquaintances. It was the most enjoyable thing I've done in years. Unfortunately, after the fact, I learned she has a boyfriend so that kind of throws a wrench in repeating that with her and since I don't know anyone else, it seems that that kind of happiness is not to be repeated. It was after that I realized the problem was loneliness. I feel almost defined by my loneliness at this point.



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22 Aug 2017, 2:13 pm

kitesandtrainsandcats wrote:
I do understand the concepts here a little more than I would have preferred to.


Me too.

I wish I could say something encouraging.