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techlife95
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19 Aug 2017, 7:52 am

The other day I was crying in my room & I was beating myself up because I have no social life! I'm labeled an Autistic person. To be labeled an Autistic person makes me feel depressed I'm diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder ASD or Aspergers which is an old diagnosis name. I fear judgment & the stigma surrounding Autism. Some people don't understand Autism, they need to have a perspective, put themselves in other people's shoes. There is something wrong with me the fact that I have no social life at 22 years old. I don't know how to approach woman or ask them on a date. I'm a dweeb. A fact about me is I've never had a girlfriend either & I'm a virgin which is not a big deal to me. Sex is not all that cracked up to be. I do have contradicting thoughts. One side of me is saying have sex & another side is saying sex is not that cracked up to be. Sex or losing your virginity is not that big of a deal. There is more to life than sex in other words. But I only mention that because having Autism can make it difficult to socialize with people especially woman I never really hang out with people. I tend to be by myself, I'm an introverted person. I compare myself to many people & I feel inferior. Other people who don't have Autism have more of a social life than me. Growing up I was a dweeb. In school I had no social life I didn't hang out with kids outside of school. I'm a young buck 22 years old I know I have my whole life ahead of me but I don;t know how I can live the best life with no social life I need help how can I have more of a social life with Autism?


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ErwinNL
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19 Aug 2017, 8:43 am

Any hobbies or special interests? Join a club with like minded people, look for support groups you can join. Talk to a professional about your problems if possible.

And most important you are not alone!


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Glass is half full kinda guy, learn from things that go wrong in your life and ask for help when needed!
AQ = 43/50, EQ = 10/80, SQ = 42/80, FQ = 32/135, Eyes Test = 24/36, AspieQuiz = 101/200 - 81/200


techlife95
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19 Aug 2017, 9:19 am

Not only do I have ASD, but I also have depression & I have had history of anger issues, & I have some ocd tendencies. The best thing for me to do to be less depressed is to get out of house & not isolate so much. I have to remember keep in mind that Getting out of house socializing with positive people is really beneficial :)


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techlife95
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19 Aug 2017, 9:27 am

ErwinNL wrote:
Any hobbies or special interests? Join a club with like minded people, look for support groups you can join. Talk to a professional about your problems if possible.

And most important you are not alone!


My passions in Life are computer technology & fitness health personal training. Hobbies interests, hmm let me think.. I like playing drums such as bongos, I go to the gym, I like to walk in park. I can't think of any other hobbies in my life :( Well sometimes I do like to take pictures outside with my canon point & shoot camera. I like to tan outside when the weather is nice in New Jersey. That's all hobbies I can think of :(


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ErwinNL
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19 Aug 2017, 9:37 am

Yes, true...

However, don't do something you do not enjoy or gives you lots of anxiety, make little steps and don't expect too much from yourself and others.

Finding a girlfriend / dating becomes a lot easier when you are more relaxed and confident about yourself.

[edit]I am sure you can meet other people who are interested in those hobbies, I am almost jealous :) I love computer technology as well but really, really don't like sports, lol...


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Glass is half full kinda guy, learn from things that go wrong in your life and ask for help when needed!
AQ = 43/50, EQ = 10/80, SQ = 42/80, FQ = 32/135, Eyes Test = 24/36, AspieQuiz = 101/200 - 81/200


SpreadsheetMaster
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24 Aug 2017, 1:01 pm

Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist? I don't think ASD is your main problem, from the sound of it.



Summer_Twilight
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24 Aug 2017, 4:11 pm

Let me know is there is anything that I can do.



techlife95
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24 Aug 2017, 5:32 pm

I attend a mental health program or I like to call it vocational school. Yes I see a therapist at the mental health program facility. ASD is not my only diagnosis or issue. Depression, History of anger issues, which I'm not proud of, & some ocd tendencies. I greatly appreciate the support here, thank you folks :)


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ErwinNL
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25 Aug 2017, 2:52 am

I didn't know about my autism until a couple of years ago. I never expressed my emotions very well, I seem mostly happy and didn't share my inner feelings, my face is almost blank and I have basically no interest in a social life or friends and if someone asked me how I was doing then I could only answer "fine", I find it really complicated to read my bodies signals and feelings and translate them into words. I always knew I was different but never searched for answers, going to a doctor meant explaining my inner workings and that felt impossible and scary.

I didn't break down and cry, I never cry, I don't get very angry or sad, but all the anxiety made me physically ill and I missed most of early school and never developed any real coping skills except avoiding problems and being a chameleon.

A couple years ago I got really bad and I was forced to talk to a psychologist, then a psychiatrist and they diagnosed me with Asperger (ASD). Having the diagnosis is empowering, I recognized myself in books about Asperger (Thanks Tony!) and everything made more sense and I feel no longer alone in my weird ways.

I still struggle with life, everything is like climbing a mountain but I get support, I have learned to talk about my problems and tell people when it is too much and I need a break. Everything in small steps...

Having my diagnosis and support is really important to me, it changed my life. I except my limits and I am not ashamed that I have them nor should you. You should absolutely not fear judgment, explain to the important people around you what is going on and be vocal about your needs and limits. Don't try to be 'normal' because no one is 'normal', be happy and proud of who you are!


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Glass is half full kinda guy, learn from things that go wrong in your life and ask for help when needed!
AQ = 43/50, EQ = 10/80, SQ = 42/80, FQ = 32/135, Eyes Test = 24/36, AspieQuiz = 101/200 - 81/200


shortfatbalduglyman
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25 Aug 2017, 8:51 pm

yeah well i am 34 and have no social life. did not have one at 22 either.

anyways a social life is overrated.

sure, socializing serves a function. but it ain't the more the merrier.

the previous counselor had the nerve to tell me that it was "good" that i took aikido lessons, b/c of the socializing.

it's like, wtf? :nerdy:

gangs involve socializing. socializing is not inherently good or bad.

anyways i have not had precious lil "friends" for a long time. and when i did it was just superficial, one at a time. and not a two way street. they treated me condescendingly.

cost benefit analysis.

some precious lil "people" are just not worth the effort. but that is just my opinion.

whatever.

"life" goes on. with or without precious lil "friends".

when i first got to college. age 18, i thought i just urgently :mrgreen: had :ninja: to have friends. and i had to pick from a bunch of materialistic, judgmental, chatterbox, superficial Republicans.

former precious lil "friends" would not be quiet. they talked like :jester: stream of consciousness. :evil:

then when i said something they half listened, misheard and misunderstood. and then had the nerve to grunt "huh" and "what" as if that was the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me".

they corrected me about things that did not matter. "BS" instead of "BA".

they asked questions that were none of their business "are you gay?". but he only asked b/c he was homophobic.

they cancelled plans two hours a priori.

they interrupted me when i talked.



Aspergers445
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26 Aug 2017, 9:26 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
yeah well i am 34 and have no social life. did not have one at 22 either.

anyways a social life is overrated.

sure, socializing serves a function. but it ain't the more the merrier.

the previous counselor had the nerve to tell me that it was "good" that i took aikido lessons, b/c of the socializing.

it's like, wtf? :nerdy:

gangs involve socializing. socializing is not inherently good or bad.

anyways i have not had precious lil "friends" for a long time. and when i did it was just superficial, one at a time. and not a two way street. they treated me condescendingly.

cost benefit analysis.

some precious lil "people" are just not worth the effort. but that is just my opinion.

whatever.

"life" goes on. with or without precious lil "friends".

when i first got to college. age 18, i thought i just urgently :mrgreen: had :ninja: to have friends. and i had to pick from a bunch of materialistic, judgmental, chatterbox, superficial Republicans.

former precious lil "friends" would not be quiet. they talked like :jester: stream of consciousness. :evil:

then when i said something they half listened, misheard and misunderstood. and then had the nerve to grunt "huh" and "what" as if that was the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me".

they corrected me about things that did not matter. "BS" instead of "BA".

they asked questions that were none of their business "are you gay?". but he only asked b/c he was homophobic.

they cancelled plans two hours a priori.

they interrupted me when i talked.



I can definitely relate to this. Some girl at college once asked me if I was a virgin and I was like why do you want to know? Just mind your own business. She acted like she wanted to be my mate but she treated me in a very uncomfortable way so I shied away from going out with her and other girls in my college class. This resulted in my classmate ridiculing me for being so anti-social and accused me of being rude and disrespectful and not caring about other people's feelings.

I have had plans cancelled by my now ex-boyfriend and I could tell something was going on but did not have the courage to confront him.

I have been interrupted by hundreds of NTs. Even members of my family have done that. My stepdad has always been good at making my life miserable. He threatens me if things get on top of me. He interrupts me and doesn't allow me extra time to process. Eleven years he's been in my life and he still doesn't understand me one bit and he still doesn't want to know about Asperger's.



shortfatbalduglyman
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26 Aug 2017, 10:01 am

Aspergers445 wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
yeah well i am 34 and have no social life. did not have one at 22 either.

anyways a social life is overrated.

sure, socializing serves a function. but it ain't the more the merrier.

the previous counselor had the nerve to tell me that it was "good" that i took aikido lessons, b/c of the socializing.

it's like, wtf? :nerdy:

gangs involve socializing. socializing is not inherently good or bad.

anyways i have not had precious lil "friends" for a long time. and when i did it was just superficial, one at a time. and not a two way street. they treated me condescendingly.

cost benefit analysis.

some precious lil "people" are just not worth the effort. but that is just my opinion.

whatever.

"life" goes on. with or without precious lil "friends".

when i first got to college. age 18, i thought i just urgently :mrgreen: had :ninja: to have friends. and i had to pick from a bunch of materialistic, judgmental, chatterbox, superficial Republicans.

former precious lil "friends" would not be quiet. they talked like :jester: stream of consciousness. :evil:

then when i said something they half listened, misheard and misunderstood. and then had the nerve to grunt "huh" and "what" as if that was the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me".

they corrected me about things that did not matter. "BS" instead of "BA".

they asked questions that were none of their business "are you gay?". but he only asked b/c he was homophobic.

they cancelled plans two hours a priori.

they interrupted me when i talked.



I can definitely relate to this. Some girl at college once asked me if I was a virgin and I was like why do you want to know? Just mind your own business. She acted like she wanted to be my mate but she treated me in a very uncomfortable way so I shied away from going out with her and other girls in my college class. This resulted in my classmate ridiculing me for being so anti-social and accused me of being rude and disrespectful and not caring about other people's feelings.

I have had plans cancelled by my now ex-boyfriend and I could tell something was going on but did not have the courage to confront him.

I have been interrupted by hundreds of NTs. Even members of my family have done that. My stepdad has always been good at making my life miserable. He threatens me if things get on top of me. He interrupts me and doesn't allow me extra time to process. Eleven years he's been in my life and he still doesn't understand me one bit and he still doesn't want to know about Asperger's.

_______________________________

Sometimes the speaker asks questions that he or she thinks is just showing a polite interest, but the answer is none of the speakers business.

In her defense, maybe she had good intentions

If there is no law that says you have to interact with her and no functional reason, then you can choose not to interact with her



SerOrange
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31 Aug 2017, 12:17 pm

techlife95 wrote:
The other day I was crying in my room & I was beating myself up because I have no social life! I'm labeled an Autistic person. To be labeled an Autistic person makes me feel depressed I'm diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder ASD or Aspergers which is an old diagnosis name. I fear judgment & the stigma surrounding Autism. Some people don't understand Autism, they need to have a perspective, put themselves in other people's shoes. There is something wrong with me the fact that I have no social life at 22 years old. I don't know how to approach woman or ask them on a date. I'm a dweeb. A fact about me is I've never had a girlfriend either & I'm a virgin which is not a big deal to me. Sex is not all that cracked up to be. I do have contradicting thoughts. One side of me is saying have sex & another side is saying sex is not that cracked up to be. Sex or losing your virginity is not that big of a deal. There is more to life than sex in other words. But I only mention that because having Autism can make it difficult to socialize with people especially woman I never really hang out with people. I tend to be by myself, I'm an introverted person. I compare myself to many people & I feel inferior. Other people who don't have Autism have more of a social life than me. Growing up I was a dweeb. In school I had no social life I didn't hang out with kids outside of school. I'm a young buck 22 years old I know I have my whole life ahead of me but I don;t know how I can live the best life with no social life I need help how can I have more of a social life with Autism?

Damn, if I didn't know better I'd think I wrote that, it's basically a 100% accurate description of myself as well. Thanks for sharing :) Makes me feel a bit better knowing that there's someone else out there that is more or less experiencing the exact same problems as me.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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31 Aug 2017, 2:14 pm

SerOrange wrote:
techlife95 wrote:
The other day I was crying in my room & I was beating myself up because I have no social life! I'm labeled an Autistic person. To be labeled an Autistic person makes me feel depressed I'm diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder ASD or Aspergers which is an old diagnosis name. I fear judgment & the stigma surrounding Autism. Some people don't understand Autism, they need to have a perspective, put themselves in other people's shoes. There is something wrong with me the fact that I have no social life at 22 years old. I don't know how to approach woman or ask them on a date. I'm a dweeb. A fact about me is I've never had a girlfriend either & I'm a virgin which is not a big deal to me. Sex is not all that cracked up to be. I do have contradicting thoughts. One side of me is saying have sex & another side is saying sex is not that cracked up to be. Sex or losing your virginity is not that big of a deal. There is more to life than sex in other words. But I only mention that because having Autism can make it difficult to socialize with people especially woman I never really hang out with people. I tend to be by myself, I'm an introverted person. I compare myself to many people & I feel inferior. Other people who don't have Autism have more of a social life than me. Growing up I was a dweeb. In school I had no social life I didn't hang out with kids outside of school. I'm a young buck 22 years old I know I have my whole life ahead of me but I don;t know how I can live the best life with no social life I need help how can I have more of a social life with Autism?

Damn, if I didn't know better I'd think I wrote that, it's basically a 100% accurate description of myself as well. Thanks for sharing :) Makes me feel a bit better knowing that there's someone else out there that is more or less experiencing the exact same problems as me.

_____________________
The OP description sounds similar to me

And that makes me feel a little better

But the OP and the responder live in different states and countries than me.

With the exception of Internet, we can't communicate that much.

However, even over the internet, I feel confident that sooner or later I will write something socially awkward, as a result of autism

And then you will not wanna interact with me anymore

:mrgreen:


:D



techlife95
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03 Sep 2017, 9:38 am

It's so amazing that so many people can relate to my issues in my life :) Doesn't make me feel so alone :)


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ErwinNL
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12 Sep 2017, 3:40 pm

techlife95 wrote:
It's so amazing that so many people can relate to my issues in my life :) Doesn't make me feel so alone :)

It helps me a lot as well, knowing that I am not the only one with these problems. Sometimes it feels very loonly when no one seems to understand how difficult some situations are for me. Talking to other people on the spectrum and hearing how they think about and solve problems is really helpfull.


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Glass is half full kinda guy, learn from things that go wrong in your life and ask for help when needed!
AQ = 43/50, EQ = 10/80, SQ = 42/80, FQ = 32/135, Eyes Test = 24/36, AspieQuiz = 101/200 - 81/200