Page 1 of 1 [ 4 posts ] 

Amity
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,714
Location: Meandering

19 Aug 2017, 4:53 pm

Quote:
How to recognise a good relationship

1. It makes you feel good. You look forward to being with them. You don’t dread what mood they may be in.

2. You don’t always agree on everything (who does?) but when you disagree, you can discuss things reasonably, and they don’t make you feel small or like your opinion isn’t important.



3. They don’t tell you what to wear or how to cut your hair. They know your body is yours.

4. There’s a fair division of labour. Fair doesn’t have to mean you split every job down the middle, it just means at the end of the day you both get about the same amount of downtime to relax. It’s whatever works for you.

5. Neither of you are ever obliged to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. It works both ways, and it’s the root of all respect.

6. You both compromise at times. Compromise is important, but there should be give and take on both sides. It shouldn’t be one sided. If you’re always the one compromising then it’s not an equal relationship.

7. You should be happier in the relationship than out of it. Do they make you happy? Do they add something to your life? If the answer is no, then being single sounds like a good plan.

These are very general rules, because there are so many different ways to be in a working relationship. It really is what works for you as an individual.

The most important thing to take away with you, is that whilst in every other social-interaction, you may find the need to mask, or to pretend to be like everyone else, in your relationship it is vital that you be true to yourself and your needs. You need to be you. I can promise you won’t be compatible with anyone who doesn’t want that too.


Excerpt taken from :https://autnot.wordpress.com/2016/05/13/rules-and-relationships/

I relate very much to the last part about masking. (and many other points that Rhi makes in her blog called: "Ponderances of a Late-Diagnosed Autistic Woman".)
It's so true in my case, I spend much of my time being an acceptable version of myself, I'm giving 110%; but with the right person I can scale that back to 100% and know that what we have is real.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

19 Aug 2017, 5:08 pm

I think of myself as being 75% or less.

With the right woman, I can possibly get closer to 100%.

Women make me aspire to greater heights.



Amity
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,714
Location: Meandering

19 Aug 2017, 5:19 pm

^Hi ya Kraftie, what I mean by 110% is that I'm me when I'm masking for social reasons, it's not fake per se but I'm definitely using extra energy to be a more relatable version of myself for other people.
The right person in a good relationship will get me as I am at the regular 100%!



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

19 Aug 2017, 5:48 pm

I get what you mean.

"Masking" is not fake....but, yes, it does require work.....