Socializing with people you aren't interested in

Post Reply New Topic

I don't want any socializing with people I have nothing in common with (or at least noteworthy) and have nothing interesting to talk about (not interesting to me: the weather, sports, the last holiday, what I did last weekend, "Omg you studied computer science? Could never do that. Must be so hard. I was always bad with computers", talking about the surroundings("this building must be quite old, and I get lost here sometimes"), talking about the food we're eating at the moment ("tastes delicious, don't you think?"), superficial talk about my work ("do you like it at your workplace?"), superficial talk about childhood memories ("you don't know that tv show? I used to watch it all the time when I was a child").

People I like to socialize with:
-The usual computer science/physics nerd
-People that listen to any kind of rock music (except from Nazi bands), be it indie or death metal, or sophisticated electronic music (or at least great interest in any kind of music that goes beyond mainstream radio)
-People on the spectrum
-People who are interested in literature or sophisticated movies
-People that have leftist, anti-mainstream political views, pacifists and people who care for the environment

(this is an OR list, not an AND list)

Luckily, there's a huge overlap for these groups

I try to be nice to all the other people, though, but usually to no avail. Usually, I have either a whole lot I can talk about or nothing.

Take up bar tending. You'll grow a thicker skin, learn to make conversation with a variety of folks and deal with a large number of situations.

I have to admit, it's a job I thought I'd like the least but have so far enjoyed the most.

For me, there's a very fine line between boring and scary people, but the few exceptions are good to know. I have a possibly NT friend who is so bored with his family that he skipped out on the centennial family reunion of the farm he lives on.

Not a chance... non-interesting people = no SharkSandwich hanging out

If I'm forced to, I can fake it for about 15 minutes but I end up completely exhausted afterward.

Most of the time I end up randomly breaking eye contact in the middle of an interaction before awkwardly inching off by myself. I don't know how people sustain conversation with people they have nothing in common with. It takes just about everything out of me.

I have a "neutral" impression of most people at first glance. My default reaction in these encounters is at least slight anxiety; the anxiety might be greater if "something is at stake."

But I'm naturally curious, so I'll see something, say, in their last name, and might ask about it. I might get interesting responses from that. It would make my time less boring. Slavic last names often evoke the more interesting responses. African last names, too. If one is Ghanaian, one is usually named after the day in which one was born.

But you have to frame your question properly. Otherwise, a person might take offense.

Polish names have elaborate spelling---but simple pronunciation.

The same for Gaelic names---except even more extreme than that.

If one is a San, an ethnic group of Namibia, one would have "clicks" in their last name.

German is a Germanic language, like English is---but it's more more difficult for an English person to learn proper German than it is for an English person to learn proper Spanish.

Even though English has Germanic origins, and is a Germanic language, I would say that it comes closer to being a Romance language than one might think.

If you hear somebody speak Old English, or even Middle English, you would be struck about how German each sound. Old English certainly sounds more like German than like Modern English.

Why would they specifically have to be people you have no interest in? Generally it is probably counterproductive to seek out people you aren't interested in to socialize with. As for going for the event itself that isn't a terrible idea and you could meet people who share the interest and maybe other interests...if you go just for the people but don't care about the event then you're more likely to offend people than make any friends because they might feel insulted you don't give a damn what's going on. Some people are very passionate about things they would be at an event for...Like if I was at a metal concert I would be bothered if someone was there 'just to socialize' and doesn't even like the bands playing. You go for metal, any socializing is secondary to that.

Also not saying you should spend a lot of time around people you have no interest in, but you couldn't tone down the looking bored, yawning, looking around and sighing if you were in a situation around people you're not intersted in? I mean that would make you look like the rude one, even to people who may be more interesting to you which could make them less likely to approach you if they did discover having some simular interests.

Honestly, I dont understand how anyone could do this sort of thing. Never could, never will.

I see people do it all the time, pretend to be interested in something/someone, and try to take part in discussion about it (and then complain about this fact later). Or then others will try to get someone to talk about something even if it's kinda clear they dont care.

For instance, in my case, politics. I hate politics and every conceivable thing related to it in any possible way. For many people, even if they hated it they would still pretend to be interested in it if it came up in discussion, and they'd still talk about it, which baffles me. But even more baffling is that in that sort of situation, that same person may have already taken some time to read up on it just so that it could help with the pretending later. I've watched friends of mine do this, they know that some thing (could be anything, any type of popular subject) will be a big topic at some event they're going to, and they think that this thing is stupid, but they wont really be part of the group if they dont talk about it a bit, so they read up on it entirely so that they can pretend to give a fart. I really, really dont get it.

For me though? If something like politics comes up in discussion.... I simply leave. It doesnt matter where I am or who I'm talking to, I leave, because I really, REALLY dont care and am not about to pretend otherwise, because what in the hell does it accomplish? The interesting part of the conversation is clearly over so my job there is done. I dont see why I should pretend. If the others in the conversation are interested? Well hey, good for them, they can all just keep talking... and leave me the heck out of it. And I'll escape while they are distracted with their boring stuff. And if someone actively tries to force me into a topic like that, well.... the results usually arent very pleasant. There's a few subjects like that for me, such as sports for instance.

Of course in practice this means I rarely talk to anyone about anything. Either someone has something in common with me, or, yeah, I just dont talk to them very much.