My aspie children were different from one another in lots of ways. My AS daughter was very introverted, very clever (at school) and obsessed with insects, (as I was in my childhood). My AS son was much more outgoing and easygoing, though his developmental curve for some school tasks was slower in childhood, though by the time he was in double figures, he had caught up on tasks like handwriting and was on a par with his classmates. He made friends quite easily because he had a very sunny personality. My NT daughter found it harder to make friends, and tended to have a melancholic personality in childhood, though she was too was very able academically. Every child presents their own set of parenting challenges.
Over time I learned to play to each set of their strengths, and to support their particular challenges. They are all in middle age now. My AS daughter focused on her career and has never married nor had children (she switched from insects to cats), my NT daughter focused on her career, marriage, children and friends and is very socially oriented as an adult; my son also focused on his career and children, being a particularly dedicated father to his ASD son, who was very very challenged in his childhood, delayed in everything for the first few years and very frankly autistic for the rest of his childhood. So I do know of the challenges you speak of, as we are a close family and I had an active role with the grandchildren during their childhood years.
As a family we were/are stretched out along the spectrum, and I don't think that outsiders understood any of us really. Today my extremely affected grandson is overseas on a scholarship in the USA and a basketball contract - he is there by himself and coping well. TBH, no-one but his father ever dreamt that he could make it so far, and his teachers treated him like a write off. If we had done the same as a family, I very much doubt that he would have achieved what he has so far. So I know it isn't easy, as you say. It was also pretty hard for me to parent my children as mother and breadwinner after my husband had a terrible accident which completely incapacitated him. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. As the aged matriarch now, I look at them all and see them at all their ages, and really I feel quite blessed.