How do u feel about being Autistic?

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I've often wished I were never born, even before I knew about HFA. I was told I was a mistake when I was 9 years old. Ever since then have tried to justify my existence by trying not to be a burden on anyone. It is very difficult, so since offline interaction is so difficult & unsustainable for long periods of time, decided to just mostly stay by myself & try & solve my own problems my own way. My problem solving methods sometimes scare people, so end up having to explain myself repeatedly. That gets annoying.

I feel like it has allowed me to learn and grow as a person in ways "normal" people never have.

I always hated my AS since the day I was diagnosed with it. And no, it's not "childish" to hate your neurological state. There are lots of reasons as to why I hate it, which I will list later on today.

I would have preferred to have had a diagnosis 40 years before I did, but I can't change that now. I would have also preferred not to suffer from anxiety or to have been bullied at school.

It's me, the autism, it's part of who I am.

I have never liked myself and that's almost entirely due to my inept social skills in the past. Blunt, rude, brutally honest that's me, or a least it was (still is sometimes) It took me till I was 40 to get a handle on that.

I speak less and less, I find it safer that way

Same here. I used to be as talkative around certain people as I am here . Now, I try and reign myself in when I'm getting too annoying and the only way to do that is to just not talk LOL!

More accepting than I used to be.

Before I was diagnosed, I had no idea what autism was. After the diagnosis of HFA, I fell into a deep depression and was hospitalised for 3 months. Gradually I got my sense of humour back and started to get used to my diagnoses.

Sometimes I think "Wow, I'm autistic, that's a big thing." Other times it barely registers.

Sort of indifferent.

Autism would be ok if I didn't have my chronic pain disorders and my anxiety. But the pain is the worst.
My bad execute functioning is also a thing, but I try to get more organized each day (has never been that much of a problem at school or university, though, at school teachers let me get away with many things, even not doing my homework, because my grades were good and I put my hands up often...maybe more of a problem at work). Worst thing is that I procrastinate very often and "forget" to do things like paying bills, which gets me in trouble sometimes.
About social skills... I have great friends and a partner and my family, not everyone has to like me

All the good things and all the bad things about me make me who I am. Autism accounts for some of the good and some of the bad. I would not be who I am without it and I like who I am.

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Yes without autism I would not be "me".

But there is no so great about "me"

Likewise you could correctly state that without Gender Identity Disorder, financial difficulties, academic "challenges", and financial poverty I would not be "me". Without childhood bullying I would not be "me". If San Diego was not so homophobic when I started Gender Therapy, I would not be "me".

Autism has pros and cons. Granted

But, maybe it would just be more convenient to be NT, all things equal

I feel bad with being Aspie because:-

-The double standards. It's OK for others to misunderstand me and exclude me, but if they are misunderstood or excluded they don't like it and get upset, not really knowing how it felt for me.

-Being expected to always understand others in a world where we are typically misunderstood, and having "lack of empathy" tied to us.

-Doing everything I can to look normal and act normal when I go out to public places but still getting stares like I'm a freak.

-Having anxieties that are atypical, and then being accused of being lazy or unsociable.

-Being terrified of finding a new job, having to say "none" when asked if I have any disabilities, although I'm mild enough to hide it there are still some odd traits in my personality that could attract misunderstandings and intolerance. I can't hide it 100%.

-Not making friends that easily, even though I know all the tactics and can read body language easily.

-Being jumpy at loud noises, it does make life more difficult than it might sound (no pun intended).

-Having certain things said to me that I really don't like but what most people don't get offended by, like being shushed.

There are probably more that I can't think of right now. And when I say "others", I don't mean all NTs, I just mean all the people who have ever been nasty towards me.

There's nothin' I can do about it, so.....

I mean, generally speaking, there's nothing I can do, about it----specifically speaking, I've learned lots of little "tricks-of-the-trade", so-to-speak (like, things that help me remember, and so-forth); with other things, that I keep messing-up, for instance, I just keep pluggin'-away, 'til I get better at it.....

I would rather not be autistic.

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When I was twenty one a psychologist diagnosed me as autistic.

Now I am 34

Between age 21 and 34, I have read numerous books about autism

But thus far, it appeared that, almost all or all of it was just theory

Could you please tell me what the "tricks-of- the-trade" are?

Thank you very much

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When I went to the psychologist, I wanted a learning disability diagnosis so that I could get testing accommodations. At that time, 2003, I was going to UC San Diego. Undergraduate third year. BS. Structural Engineering. And I was flunking out school. And fancied that testing accommodations could or would have helped me get the degree.

However the reason why I choose that major was because it appeared to be the easiest major that matched my then undiagnosed autism symptoms.

And when I got the diagnosis, in a way I felt less confused because then the symptoms had a label. And that was good

In a way I felt worse, because I would find it more convenient and less emotionally disturbing to be NT instead of autistic.

Books about autism claim autistics tend to have certain skills and strengths.

With the exception of rote Memory and critical thinking, however, thus far, it does not appear that I have any of the typical autistic strengths

While I do have plenty of typical autistic weaknesses and numerous (unlabeled) weaknesses


thus I would rather be NT than AS



Although the world contains plenty of worse situations than autism.. and plenty of folks have worse problems than me.

Well....as an adult, being autistic would probably be alright if I wasn't stuck with my brother & my mother....& on my own living independently as an adult. Aside from that excuse its not fun & very hard to find true close friends who are helpful, generous, understanding, etc.

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In middle school being autistic was a nightmare. School bullying.

In college, San Diego, it was too much peer pressure

The rest, though, was not as great as being NT but tolerable