Need Advice girlfriend's son courting my daughters

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Hey folks, I gotta an issue that I need some advice in handling, to explain: my spouse and I been dating a woman in our relative age range for about several months whom we’ve become close to, and she has a young son about 16 years old. Now I got two daughters at home with AS, a 15 year old and 14 year old who are at that age where they are curious about male anatomy and the mechanics of recreational reproduction, of course like any good parent I’ve taught them about being Safe, sane, and consensual in regards to that sort of activity. Here’s where the issue arises: our +1’s son has started courting my daughters and vice versa, if not suspected already committing to ‘engaging’ them in private. Should I stop this sort of activity between them?

I think I would tell both sides that while they are not blood related, they should treat each other as family. Meaning, form brother-sister relationships, NOT dating ones, because that is the only way things won't eventually get "weird" in the future. Dating at this age is very temporary and often ends poorly; family relationships are forever.

My son and the step-daughter of my cousin fell into a "cousin" relationship naturally and it has been a very positive thing for them both. I wouldn't want them dating. Not just because of worries about what happens while dating, but also because we are close to my cousin's family and hope to be for life.

Hopefully they are open to changing the way they view each other. When young people with hormones are together they struggle with what type of context to put on their feelings. So, I suggest giving them one instead of waiting for them to figure it out through trial and error. It doesn't have to be a strict process; if you speak of the boy as a family member, using family terms like cousin or step brother, both sides should get the message.

Your daughters are too young to be having sex, if that is what you are asking. So yes, you and your spouse should have a talk with your daughters about this that they are too young to have sexual relations, and your girlfriend should have a talk with her son of a similar nature. You, your spouse, and your girlfriend should also ensure that your daughters and her son are not alone together.

Are you and your spouse dating another, third person?

I would agree with the above advice. It's not legally incest if they have sex with each other--but it might as well be. Think of Greg Brady having sex with Marcia Brady. And, if the parents of the boy and the girls got married, then it would become legally incest.

I would agree that you should have a serious talk with the son. Don't be hard with him. Just explain the facts.

Yes, for personal reasons



I sat down with her son last night alone and talked with him about the entire scenario where I learned there's more to this than appearances may seem, of course the boy had a deer in headlights look when we discussed it. From his choice of vernacular and explanation, My Daughters are supposedly the aggressors in this situation where they each respectively been experimenting with him, claiming my eldest somehow hypnotizing him in a trance, and my youngest is performing pagan rituals with him in the forest behind our house.Now I can believe him in regards to my daughters being aggressive, since my Eldest has had a history of that kind of behavior with best example of her trapping small animals like rabbits and coyotes using some old cage traps lying around before bludgeoning them to death then stripping them clean, and my youngest is the changeling of the two where she mimics behavior that she thinks is successful. My spouse and our girlfriend don't think this is anything to worry about but my main concern is either of my girls developing any sort of unhealthy relationship or obsession.

Is anybody noticing THIS? -- Quote: "Now I can believe him in regards to my daughters being aggressive, since my Eldest has had a history of that kind of behavior with best example of her trapping small animals like rabbits and coyotes using some old cage traps lying around before bludgeoning them to death then stripping them clean"

Now, I realize there are people who hunt for food and have a long tradition in their location of this being normal and okay.

But there's a line between hunting humanely in rural areas, and killing animals for cruelty reasons. Many serial killers of humans began with torture, cruelty and INhumane killing of animals.

The OP tells of the animal killings in the context of his daughter's history of aggressive behavior.

Humane methods of hunting and killing strictly for food aren't supposed to involve "aggression" per se, so it sounds like she's doing this in a cruel, venting manner. I'm concerned about this.

Yeah. There is that. ^^^^

You and your spouse are jointly dating this woman/girl. And now your two daughters are paying doctor with this girl's son in the woods. But doing so by hypnotizing him during "pagan rituals".

And then one of your daughters is into weird animal abuse.

I think that there is too much weirdness going on here for a bunch of strangers on the web to help you with it much.

Plus all three kids are underage in legal terms - the boy is 16, the girls are 15 and 14.

While realistically a huge number of people in the world have sexual experiences at these (illegal) ages and younger, still, illegal is illegal, and these kids should not be permitted to continue with this stuff now that the adults are fully aware of it.

Sooooo many issues going on here, I'm almost wondering if it's real or made-up for shock value.

Unfortunately, I live in a state with the whole romeo and juliet lawset so I really can't do anything in regards to the law, and I think some of what I said may've been misinterpereted. As far as the whole "inhumane" animal killings thing that BirdInFlight took way out of proportion, You can club an animal in the back of the head and kill it in one strike which I've shown her how to do before. You also have to consider I'm hearing this claim from 16 year old boy, who may be overexaggerating some aspects of whats going on. I'll talk to my daughters when I have the chance, and update you all on whats going on.

To be frank, you write so many things that are so far off the norm I wonder if you are playing with us.

It's OK to be off the norm around here, of course. I just hope you aren't pulling everyone's leg and wasting their time.

I see so many things here that can go so wrong that I want to scream, "DO NOT LEAVE THESE KIDS TOGETHER WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION!!"

And generally I'm the laid-back parent in my neighborhood.

I find when dealing with those on the spectrum, especially adolescents with Aspergers, can be quite off the norm.

Now, I talked to my daughters to clarify some things, explained my thoughts and feelings on the matter, and learned the details of their "encounters". Apparently my eldest has taken in a interest in psychology, as she demonstrated her new skill of using hand gestures, tone of voice, and wordplay AKA the art of persuasion, where she explained how to say you want something without actually saying it AKA doublespeak. As far as our GF's son's claim of my secondborn, It seems she's taken to this pagan tradition called "Feri" and is expressing a form of spiritualism, and is trying to get him to convert, which is a whole another beast in itself but my girls consider him more of a friend than a romantic partner.

BuyerBeware, I find it narrow minded that you expect my spouse and I to resort to helicopter parenting when the reality of the situation is that teenagers nowadays will go out of their way to find a way to be alone together, especially adolescents with AS will attempt to achieve that goal with a laser focus. The best I can do in that regard is teach them how to practice safe sex, the importance of consent, and the implications of the consequences when either of these aren't followed to the letter, and provided the same talk to her son. My spouse believes this as well, though feels they should have access to the means for it, which I disagree with but I have to compromise with her beliefs.

Umm wow how is trapping animals and bludgening them to death 'not anything to worry about'? That is animal abuse sounds like your daughter needs some serious psychological help and in my opinion criminal charges but chances are you wont report her for the animal abuse. Your girls already have unhealthy obsessions....does this girlfriend of yours know of you're daughters abusive behavior? and that it is a potential risk to her son? I feel sorry for the poor kid having to be in the same household as your daughter.

Actually sexual experiences at those ages aren't necessarily illegal. In my state its not.

So not only did you know of her cruelty to animals, you enabled it? If it was an 'aggressive' behavior of hers I somehow kind of doubt that she used this one strike method, probably just aggressively beat the poor things to death.

Exactly my thoughts, Sweetleaf.

In his initial mention of the daughter killing the animals, he raised that issue in the framework of "history of aggressive behavior" and his concern about that, and used the term "bludgeoning them to death."

Which didn't make me think of a one-strike, humane hit, but of something prolonged.

The impression I got of what he was trying to say was that the daughter takes out her aggression on animals. Not an impression that she is merely using hunting and killing techniques involving "one strike."