Need Advice girlfriend's son courting my daughters

Page 1 of 3 [ 36 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

30 Aug 2017, 8:25 pm

Exactly my thoughts, Sweetleaf.

In his initial mention of the daughter killing the animals, he raised that issue in the framework of "history of aggressive behavior" and his concern about that, and used the term "bludgeoning them to death."

Which didn't make me think of a one-strike, humane hit, but of something prolonged.

The impression I got of what he was trying to say was that the daughter takes out her aggression on animals. Not an impression that she is merely using hunting and killing techniques involving "one strike."



ASDMommyASDKid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,666

31 Aug 2017, 9:05 am

I think this is way beyond the scope of this board. In addition, I don't really understand why the question was asked b/c it seems like the OP already decided what to do.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,461
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

31 Aug 2017, 10:40 am

ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
I think this is way beyond the scope of this board. In addition, I don't really understand why the question was asked b/c it seems like the OP already decided what to do.


I just hope someone doesn't get hurt...what if that daughter decides that boy isn't bending to her will enough and tries to bludgeon him?


_________________
We won't go back.


ASDMommyASDKid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,666

31 Aug 2017, 5:49 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
I think this is way beyond the scope of this board. In addition, I don't really understand why the question was asked b/c it seems like the OP already decided what to do.


I just hope someone doesn't get hurt...what if that daughter decides that boy isn't bending to her will enough and tries to bludgeon him?



I am not 100% sure it is real. The original poster lists "psych" as one of his interests, so maybe he is just jerking people around for fun? When people were not clutching their pearls sufficiently re:the polyamory and the teens having sex, maybe he escalated it with ritual-inspired animal abuse to see what people would do if he upped the drama.

I have not seen any indication he wants actual advice and the original question seems designed to stir the pot.

If it is true, I still don't think he wants real advice since he says he thinks he doesn't have any choice but to let the relationship continue (despite originally asking if he should) so...the post makes no sense to me from any point of view. So I am not even sure what the question would be. How to deal with his daughter's compulsiveness? That was not what he asked--and again beyond the abilities of people on a forum other than to suggest professional help and to tell him he has a moral responsibility to make sure the plus 1 knows what the kids are up to so she can put a stop to it and/or take her son out of the situation.



Demonique
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jan 2006
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 115

31 Aug 2017, 6:50 pm

Nip it in the bud now, they may not be blood relatives but it's completely creepy and inappropriate for your girlfriend's son to be 'courting' your daughters.

This sounds like the kind of thing that ends up on Jeremy Kyle/Jerry Springer



BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

01 Sep 2017, 9:25 am

ASDMommy, I have been suspecting the same thing.

As per my post a few posts back, I think this guy is just in it for "shock value."

As you say, he's been ramping up the drama with what he hopes will be button-pushing issues.

As good people merely trying to help a person if we hope that we can, we responders have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

It's becoming clear he's laughing his ass off taking a ride on the famous "gullibility" of people on the spectrum. Gee thanks a bunch OP.

Sorry but I'm consigning him to the "Full of s**t" scrapheap on this one.



ASDMommyASDKid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,666

01 Sep 2017, 11:58 am

BirdInFlight wrote:
ASDMommy, I have been suspecting the same thing.

As per my post a few posts back, I think this guy is just in it for "shock value."

As you say, he's been ramping up the drama with what he hopes will be button-pushing issues.

As good people merely trying to help a person if we hope that we can, we responders have tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.

It's becoming clear he's laughing his ass off taking a ride on the famous "gullibility" of people on the spectrum. Gee thanks a bunch OP.

Sorry but I'm consigning him to the "Full of s**t" scrapheap on this one.


Yeah--I should have posted with a disclaimer "like others said, I also think it is likely a troll" first so it did not look like I thought had some kind of grand epiphany I did not mean it that way at all. I chimed in mainly b/c people are starting to get get concerned about the animals and the plus one's son--and I wanted to reiterate that it is likely not true, so people were not so worried.



BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

01 Sep 2017, 12:03 pm

No, no worries.

I agree we are all getting concerned.

Although I hope with some degree of suspicion, because I think you're right.

It angers me that the OP and people similar will come on here and try to play with a trait that is common to a lot of us on the spectrum. I find that sad and angering.



ASDMommyASDKid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,666

01 Sep 2017, 1:18 pm

Agreed, BirdinFlight. Honestly, though, I think he would have gotten more of what he wanted on a regular NT-centric parenting board. As gullible as we may be sometimes, the NT boards can live for this kind of drama.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,461
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

01 Sep 2017, 3:04 pm

^That is a good point.... going out and abusing/killing animals out of aggression has nothing to do with paganism either. Also only 8 posts and hasn't been back since people have started suspecting trollery.


_________________
We won't go back.


MountainMan21
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 24 Aug 2017
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 9

02 Sep 2017, 12:26 pm

Demonique wrote:
Nip it in the bud now, they may not be blood relatives but it's completely creepy and inappropriate for your girlfriend's son to be 'courting' your daughters.

This sounds like the kind of thing that ends up on Jeremy Kyle/Jerry Springer



Since I've had another talk with him, his attitude has changed and seems to be more interested in normal interactions like gaming, especially since I pointed out the awkwardness of the entire dynamic.

Sweetleaf, I feel that you are the one trolling in this situation and that my words are being misinterpreted as I understand some with Autism spectrum disorders will take some things to an extreme. The example of my eldest daughter having a hobby of trapping animals, namely the rabbits on our property which are in fierce abundance, was misunderstood as a consistent daily behavior when the reality is she sets the cage traps we have 2 or 3 times a month. She won't kill someone's pet when she catches them, considering she's managed to catch several lost housepets and sent them back to their owners via the pound. Neither will she kill a critter that we don't see enough of like foxes or coyotes or baby critters.



ASDMommyASDKid
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,666

02 Sep 2017, 1:23 pm

MountainMan21 wrote:
Demonique wrote:
Nip it in the bud now, they may not be blood relatives but it's completely creepy and inappropriate for your girlfriend's son to be 'courting' your daughters.

This sounds like the kind of thing that ends up on Jeremy Kyle/Jerry Springer



Since I've had another talk with him, his attitude has changed and seems to be more interested in normal interactions like gaming, especially since I pointed out the awkwardness of the entire dynamic.

Sweetleaf, I feel that you are the one trolling in this situation and that my words are being misinterpreted as I understand some with Autism spectrum disorders will take some things to an extreme. The example of my eldest daughter having a hobby of trapping animals, namely the rabbits on our property which are in fierce abundance, was misunderstood as a consistent daily behavior when the reality is she sets the cage traps we have 2 or 3 times a month. She won't kill someone's pet when she catches them, considering she's managed to catch several lost housepets and sent them back to their owners via the pound. Neither will she kill a critter that we don't see enough of like foxes or coyotes or baby critters.


If the animal thing is perfectly normal and not an indication of aggression why bring it up? I thought that the was the point of sharing that bit of information. Sweetleaf is a regular on here, and I can assure you she does not troll.

It sounds like the whole thing is settled now anyway.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,461
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

02 Sep 2017, 9:04 pm

MountainMan21 wrote:
Demonique wrote:
Nip it in the bud now, they may not be blood relatives but it's completely creepy and inappropriate for your girlfriend's son to be 'courting' your daughters.

This sounds like the kind of thing that ends up on Jeremy Kyle/Jerry Springer



Since I've had another talk with him, his attitude has changed and seems to be more interested in normal interactions like gaming, especially since I pointed out the awkwardness of the entire dynamic.

Sweetleaf, I feel that you are the one trolling in this situation and that my words are being misinterpreted as I understand some with Autism spectrum disorders will take some things to an extreme. The example of my eldest daughter having a hobby of trapping animals, namely the rabbits on our property which are in fierce abundance, was misunderstood as a consistent daily behavior when the reality is she sets the cage traps we have 2 or 3 times a month. She won't kill someone's pet when she catches them, considering she's managed to catch several lost housepets and sent them back to their owners via the pound. Neither will she kill a critter that we don't see enough of like foxes or coyotes or baby critters.


Well I am not, least not intentionally.

Also, you are the one who said as an aggressive behavior she trapped the animals and bludgeoned them to death, which paints quite a different picture than a hobby of trapping in which she kills them in the most humane way possible which is what you are saying now.

Killing out of aggression is concerning, but I am well aware in more rural areas and such hunting and trapping are fairly common things and a kid interested in that should certainly be taught proper ways to do it...so if that is what you meant then it makes a lot more sense.


_________________
We won't go back.


BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

03 Sep 2017, 9:48 am

Agree about the rural ways, but it seems to me like the OP did a huge bit of back-pedaling.

First he said he was worried about her aggression because she bludgeons animals to death.

Then he turns the whole thing around and says she's a really good, humane hunter and killer and does it all properly and it doesn't worry him.

So first it's part of what worries him.

We all protest and now it's not what he said and he's not worried about that?

Can't be both.



DW_a_mom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,687
Location: Northern California

04 Sep 2017, 5:56 pm

JHMO:

While I obviously think it is appropriate to express some skepticism when we feel it, given I did just that, we have to remember that it IS OK for posters and their families to be far off the norm around here. I don't feel we should spend time second guessing someone's attempts to explain their situation. Anyone can misstate.


_________________
Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).


BuyerBeware
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,476
Location: PA, USA

06 Sep 2017, 8:31 pm

I see NOTHING wrong with hunting for meat and fur, regardless of whether the animals are shot, trapped, or killed by other humane means (and yes, a quick bludgeoning is reasonably humane).

Killing for fun and sport, I have a personal problem with. Enjoying torment is A PROBLEM, objectively speaking. Don't know which one is going on here.

I've spent a lot of time around young Pagans or people of a nontraditional spirituality with a mystical/magic(k)al bent. At one point in time, I owned enough books of a nature that Llewyelln Press would refuse to print to collapse a bookshelf. Been there, mostly managed to avoid doing that.

It SCARES THE s**t OUT OF ME to hear about kids playing with ideas of ritual/magic(k)al compulsion and coercion (whether sexuality is involved or not-- though it almost always is). Whether it objectively exists or not, whether it's "left-hand path" or not, whether it's verbotten by a specific tradition or not, I have NEVER seen that s**t end well for anyone involved (other than the handful of people who said "f**k this" and walked away).

Frankly, the behavior referred to as "witch wars" (Google it, I don't really want to try to explain) is about the least worst of the intermediate-term fallout one can reasonably expect from crap like that.

If the OP is relating something honest, he has every right to be concerned. And I would reiterate a strenuous recommendation to NIP THAT IN THE BUD, HARD. Not by abusive means; preferably with a lot of honest discussion and kindness and the best answers that can be provided for the somewhat natural (if somewhat... morbid) curiosity...

...but definitely by parenting that is, um, heavily attentive enough to be safely considered helicoptering if necessary.


_________________
"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"