This is perverse, but here goes.

Post Reply New Topic

After spending several years starting as a teen being groomed by much older men, I really am starting to wonder what my sexual orientation and identity actually is. The truth is, I really don't know what I want, and I only really know what I know. I will never be the young object that those men once desired again. And while I know that those men were horribly narcissistic, and while I know that most of them were quick to pass me around, I feel an attachment that I cannot seem to shake. A sense that I was complicit. And really, at that point in my life, I would have done anything to have a loving father figure in my life.

So, really, I don't know what I want, and I don't know how to start finding out without hurting myself or others. I do not like being in this situation, yet here I am.

Anybody have any brilliant ideas?

I'll try to keep this PG13+ but it's gonna be hard, so I won't be overly detailed.

A lot of people who have had childhood trauma find a BDSM kink called ageplay or CG/L can help them. (CG/L = caregiver/little). People can have their opinions about it, but I know it's very popular in those kinds of situations. Some people are sexual through it, and some people aren't and just enjoy the innocence of age regression from the childhood they never really had.

Outside of that, all I can do is suggest opening yourself up to any gender right now and just getting to know people and see who you click with and have fun and experiment. Think about the kind of things you might like from a partner. Fetlife is good if you want to find out about the kind of things you might be into (I'm not sure if you're 18+). You're only just thinking about dating for the first time, so don't worry about any relationship sticking forever. Just enjoy yourself right now. Explore yourself, who you are, what you believe in, and what you want your partner to be like. You'll learn that through dating over the years

Buddy, you can find happiness if you can trust the person you want to be with. Whether you choose a guy or a girl, the important thing is trust, even in a relationship which includes kink such as BDSM. I was so fortunate to meet my soul mate whom I love and trust infinitely, even though when we first met it was a kink scene and he was involved at the time. But now we've been together 20 years.

I didn't experience family abuse despite having a broken home (my mom divorced my dad when I was 6-7 as he was into heavy drinking) but when I got to high school my feelings were towards other guys. I hid it well at the time. Some of the physical bullying I found a bit arousing in a way, being dominated seemed perversely attractive despite everything. I was brought up too conservatively to know how to deal with it.

As the other respondent says, just be yourself and enjoy the ride until you find the one which appeals to you most and can stand the test of time - which is always possible.

I have explored Fetlife in the past. But some things I would rather explore after trust has been established with a partner. I already had one hookup experience, and it felt like work because I felt no connection with the other guy.

What I want is a monogamous relationship, not another string of one night stands with people I thought I knew over the Internet.

Such a relationship is much more satisfying on every level than the one night stands.

I wish you the best in your search for someone special to you and who feels the same way about you. I know such happiness is possible as I've seen it for myself.

Honestly, I am at the point where I really do want to explore healthy sexuality. I started making some posts on that forum looking for discussion. Hopefully, I am not the only one there who wants to engage in age play responsibly and in a committed relationship.

Way to go! Just always be careful of that tiny minority who might be psychopaths. Most guys whom I've met just want to have responsible and safe fun.

Married guys are effectively cheating on their wives and it could lead to trouble and a broken home with the children, if any, in the middle, if she finds out. It's too complicated to be involved with a married guy.

There are some reasonably reliable/safe sites where you can meet guys (or girls) with similar interests to yours.

OK, I should probably start thinking about healthy boundaries to have. I got contacted by a few men there who are aroused by the thought of a bearish little. I should not let my hormones do my thinking for me here. I want a relationship, but my hormones want a string of friends with benefits. It is a disconnect between my heart/mind/soul and my hormonal reactions. This can't be good.