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C2V
Veteran
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Joined: 7 Apr 2015
Posts: 2,666

29 Aug 2017, 1:37 am

I just accidentally went to a gayboy hookup.
This is why autistics (namely me) shouldn't socialize. I just completely misunderstand, every time.
I got a message from someone I used to know in the last city I lived in, inviting me to a "tea and cakes" do. I knew him through a group when I lived there, not very well but he seemed like a nice enough chap as was his boyfriend, so I thought I better put in an appearance, since I never get invited to things by people.
This guy had a bit of a tea craze on when I knew him, and I extrapolated from there that this invitation was literally relating to tea and cakes. Like a teaparty - sit around and talk and drink good tea and eat cake. Simple enough.
But when I got there it was a gayboy hookup. Everyone was there to cruise, purely looking for someone physically attractive enough to go home and have sex with and then never see again.
Hookups are not my thing. If I was to get into a relationship, I explicitly do not want it based on sex. I want it based on substance. To be about who me and the other person are, not what our bodies are.
Thus it was incredibly awkward standing around as if I had known in advance that this was a hookup and I thought I was hookup material. Which I don't, and I'm not.
Why is everything queer just a hookup recently??? I've had this before, even at support groups. You go there just looking for some people who don't think you're a massive freak for being queer for once in your life, and all you get is judged by others based on whether or not they'd screw you, because all they're doing there is looking for sex.
I had wanted to attend queer events, groups, have more queer connections fr just that - likeminded connections. But I can't seem to get past this constant hookup thing.
Anyone else finding this? Can you find queer events, groups, and people who aren't just in it for sex?


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torch_
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 15 Oct 2016
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 45
Location: South East England

29 Aug 2017, 4:47 am

Yeah all the queer places I try are all sex obsessed too. Grindr, Scruff etc. They all just want NSA. No friendships or romance.


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exy34
Butterfly
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Joined: 25 Sep 2017
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 13

28 Oct 2017, 9:29 am

C2V wrote:
I just accidentally went to a gayboy hookup.
This is why autistics (namely me) shouldn't socialize. I just completely misunderstand, every time.
I got a message from someone I used to know in the last city I lived in, inviting me to a "tea and cakes" do. I knew him through a group when I lived there, not very well but he seemed like a nice enough chap as was his boyfriend, so I thought I better put in an appearance, since I never get invited to things by people.
This guy had a bit of a tea craze on when I knew him, and I extrapolated from there that this invitation was literally relating to tea and cakes. Like a teaparty - sit around and talk and drink good tea and eat cake. Simple enough.
But when I got there it was a gayboy hookup. Everyone was there to cruise, purely looking for someone physically attractive enough to go home and have sex with and then never see again.
Hookups are not my thing. If I was to get into a relationship, I explicitly do not want it based on sex. I want it based on substance. To be about who me and the other person are, not what our bodies are.
Thus it was incredibly awkward standing around as if I had known in advance that this was a hookup and I thought I was hookup material. Which I don't, and I'm not.
Why is everything queer just a hookup recently??? I've had this before, even at support groups. You go there just looking for some people who don't think you're a massive freak for being queer for once in your life, and all you get is judged by others based on whether or not they'd screw you, because all they're doing there is looking for sex.
I had wanted to attend queer events, groups, have more queer connections fr just that - likeminded connections. But I can't seem to get past this constant hookup thing.
Anyone else finding this? Can you find queer events, groups, and people who aren't just in it for sex?


Don't have answer because I am sharing previous poster ("torch_") opinion: "... all the queer places I try are all sex obsessed too. Grindr, Scruff etc...."



thewheel
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Joined: 1 Apr 2015
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Location: Kent, England

28 Oct 2017, 10:20 am

Grindr, Scruff etc are hookup apps, that is what they are for. That said there are a surprising number of guys on them looking for more, but the environment is not conducive to this actually working.

You are much better off either using specific romantic dating sites, most now cater for gays, or IMO the best option is to find people through your interests. My ex, the only bf I've had, I found because he messaged me randomly on Facebook. I never actually asked how he found me but I imagine it was because around the same time I joined some interest groups we were both part of.

That said I'm quite the opposite I prefer hookups simply because in my current situation I don't see a relationship as an option.


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exy34
Butterfly
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Joined: 25 Sep 2017
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 13

08 Feb 2018, 1:31 pm

thewheel wrote:
Grindr, Scruff etc are hookup apps, that is what they are for. That said there are a surprising number of guys on them looking for more, but the environment is not conducive to this actually working.

You are much better off either using specific romantic dating sites, most now cater for gays, or IMO the best option is to find people through your interests. My ex, the only bf I've had, I found because he messaged me randomly on Facebook. I never actually asked how he found me but I imagine it was because around the same time I joined some interest groups we were both part of.

That said I'm quite the opposite I prefer hookups simply because in my current situation I don't see a relationship as an option.


Well, this makes sense...Thanks for sharing your experiences.



paintmepink
Pileated woodpecker
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Joined: 24 Jun 2017
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 179
Location: Canada

09 Feb 2018, 3:04 pm

When I was apart of the cross dressing/LGBTQ scene, everything was a hook up. Makes me question the validity of some people's choices regarding their gender or sexual orientation. Perhaps it wasn't genetics that makes them act like animals in heat.