My experiences with school counsellors.

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Lost_dragon
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09 Sep 2017, 7:10 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
At UCSD, psychologist double booked. He scheduled an appointment for someone else and me at the same time


Damn, that's some bad planning.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
The psychologist took his dog into his office.


How did you feel about that? Do you like dogs? Maybe it was their only option, as they couldn't get anyone in to care for the dog or something.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
When I said something he did not hear properly, he acted disgusted. For instance, I said "he drew" and the psychologist said "he withdrew?" Scrunching his face. Like I just told him I rape babies.

:skull:


Maybe if I had some more context on this, I could better understand the situation. Sounds to me like you said something innocent, but due to him mishearing you it came across as much more disturbed/ dark in nature. Is that correct?


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09 Sep 2017, 7:40 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
My experience in school counsellors can be broken down into Junior High and High:

1)Junior High:

"you have got to stop making yourself a target for bullies"

"try to emphasize with them (the guys who violently attacked me for no reason) and talk nicely to them"

"act tough and they will leave you alone (only made it worse)"

"ignore them and they will go away" (not without leaving me with a concussion)


Ugh, I really hate this "just ignore them" nonsense. I used to get that advice from people too. Sometimes just ignoring it really doesn't help anything, they still bully you regardless. It's true that there was most likely a reason, even if it was just a small one, for why they bullied you. Sometimes it's less about you, and more about what's going on in the bully's life. I've been both bullied, and a bully at various points in my life. It's not something I'm proud of.

The reason why I became a bully was because I was being bullied by two people at school, and teachers were reluctant to do anything to help, so out of frustration I ended up hurting people that I didn't really mean to. Back then, I didn't have enough emotional intelligence to properly deal with my emotions, and often bottled up my feelings until I randomly exploded and released them all at once at people who didn't deserve to be treated badly by me. Of course, this doesn't excuse my behaviour in anyway, as I shouldn't have acted that way, and I know that now.

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
I remember my mother took me to a psychologist, and all he kept asking me was the names of the troublemakers at school over and over and over again. I just wanted them to leave me alone and nothing more.


Sounds to me like they wanted to bring proper justice and punishment to the troublemakers. I know what it's like though, people intimidate you so that you don't want to tell on them out of fear that they will hurt you if they find out that you told on them. Sadly, there are no simple answers when it comes to bullying as it's a complex topic.

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
2)High School:
"only dropouts become plumbers and electricians"
"the future is in ecommerce"
"get a commerce degree and you will have a strong future"

I won't even get into employment counsellors!


Well that sounds like nonsense. I see nothing wrong with being a plumber or a electrician, after all they are both useful and skilled professions. Personally, I've done a bit about eCommerce and the psychology of marketing, and I somewhat enjoyed it, but I can understand why someone might find it a tad tiring/ dull.

Why won't you get into employment counsellors? Is it a personal choice, aka you just don't want to due to bad experiences, or are you for some reason not able to see one? I know some aren't great, and they're not always right.


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Last edited by Lost_dragon on 09 Sep 2017, 7:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

shortfatbalduglyman
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09 Sep 2017, 7:45 am

Lost_dragon wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
At UCSD, psychologist double booked. He scheduled an appointment for someone else and me at the same time



Damn, that's some bad planning.


A previous boss had the nerve to tell me that "you are working with people's money. You can't make mistakes". So. When I make one or two mistakes :skull: allegedly :heart: I got fired. While a psychologist can make mistakes and no punishment.

Double standards

Besides what is a "mistake" anyways? In psychology, there is no right or wrong answer. Besides :ninja: anything you say is confidential unless you violate the Mandated Reporter Law :idea: . In medicine, the professional has to do a controlled experiment, write it down, publish it in PubMed database. Get peer reviewed. The psychologist has to write it down in a way that anyone that follows the instructions gets the same

results :cry:

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
The psychologist took his dog into his office.


How did you feel about that? Do you like dogs? Maybe it was their only option, as they couldn't get anyone in to care for the dog or something.

Afraid of dogs. Last year a dog bit me.

It could have been the only option. But at the jobs I worked at, no way could i have taken a dog

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
When I said something he did not hear properly, he acted disgusted. For instance, I said "he drew" and the psychologist said "he withdrew?" Scrunching his face. Like I just told him I rape babies.

:skull:


Maybe if I had some more context on this, I could better understand the situation. Sounds to me like you said something innocent, but due to him mishearing you it came across as much more disturbed/ dark in nature. Is that correct?


Yes



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09 Sep 2017, 8:27 am

StampySquiddyFan wrote:
Well, my experience wasn't as frightening as the one you had, but it was just annoying. This one clueless psychologist pulled me right out of class in front of everyone in middle school, so I hard to come up with a lie as to where I went. Then he asked me questions, and when I answered truthfully, he would dismiss my answer. That whole experience was anxiety-ridden for me, so I vowed to never do it ever again and my parents listened. It was not fun at all.


Ah, I see. I take it you didn't like the attention that brought to you. Were you told why you were sent to these sessions at all, or was it more like my situation where I got a vague response as to why? That does sound bad, I'd hate to have someone dismiss my answers like that, all I have to wonder why your psychologist acted that way. Maybe they didn't believe you for some reason on something.

Still, you'd think that as a psychologist they'd have more common sense/ emotional awareness to see why a student might dislike not so subtly being taken out of lesson, but then again, I mean, how else would they have gone about taking you out of lesson? A nod to the teacher perhaps, and the teacher telling you that you can leave? I dunno.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
When I was in tenth grade, French 3, I violated the Mandated Reporter Law, by writing an essay about physical violence. The essay was in response to a homework assignment. The teacher gave me 87 percent on the essay.


I'm not sure what the "mandated reporter law" is. I should really look into that.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
The teacher gave me a hall pass and told me to go to the office. In the office, I had to talk to the Dean. The next day, I had to talk to the Dean and a school psychologist. The school psychologist was so condescending. She had the nerve to ask "are you a happy child?". Then she told me that middle school students bullied me because they were jealous that I did better at school than them. And that " if you work hard you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up".


Is a dean like a head teacher or something? Maybe they got the impression that you were troubled and/or depressed by the article you wrote. Did you go into gory detail about physical violence?

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
But she had no method of knowing why students bullied me. She did not even know which students they were.


Do you think it's possible that she was correct in her statement in anyway? Or was she way off base?

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
We were not discussing job goals. She acted like she expected me to believe anything she said.


I take it from this that you were cynical of her, and found her to be condescending and that she treated you as a naive fool.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
The next day got a different school psychologist. She was :D nicer :oops: .

:mrgreen: relatively :idea:


Yeah, my second counsellor was nicer too. At least, she was definitely more mentally stable than the first.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
And then over the summer, the second school psychologist saw me at the mall, where she worked a second job, with my precious lil "parents". She called me out, by name.


Oh dear. Psychologists aren't supposed to do that. There's a rule on patient privacy, that states that when a psychiatrist/ therapist/ psychologist sees their patient outside of sessions, they're supposed to avoid contact with patient as much as possible, to respect the patient's privacy so they don't have to reveal to others that they're in therapy if they don't want to.

The fact that the word parents is in speech marks, and follows "precious lil" makes me think you hold some sort of resentment to them. Do you dislike your parents? Why? Do you find them incapable/inept in some way? Guessing her job didn't/ doesn't pay that well if she's working a second job.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
My precious lil "parents" asked me who was that. Answered she worked at school. They asked was she a teacher. So I did not want to lie and I did not want to disclose either :cry: :cry: :cry:

:?:


Well, I can understand that. Her behaviour was very unprofessional.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
But the counselors have to follow the Dual Relationship Law. It states that when the counselor sees the client outside of counseling, both parties ignore each other.

That way if the client is with family, friends, boss, or someone, someone does not find out the client was in counseling

And then that brings up the question of what reason the client went into counselling.


That's exactly my point. Your psychologist shouldn't have acted the way she did.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
The current counselor charges 75 bucks an hour. The court did not give me court :x Mandated counseling :idea: . There is no law that says I have to go. So why am I going?

:lol:

However nowadays I am hardly ever socially interacting with someone

And some of my former precious lil "friends" had their own counselors


What does the court have to do with anything? Did you commit some kind of crime/ were you accused? Well, why did you get into counselling? Do you find your sessions beneficial at all? You sound like you're having second thoughts. Have you ever considered switching to a different counsellor? Is it possible for you to ask for a referral at all? Do you think that might help? Is 75 bucks a lot?

Again, I question the "precious lil" thing and the speech marks over "friends". Do you dislike your friends? Is it simply a matter of you thinking that they don't need counsellors? :/ You mentioned not having much social interaction, is this something you struggle with? :? :?:


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Lost_dragon
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09 Sep 2017, 8:44 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
When I told a UCSD psychologist that I was on academic probation for getting a gpa under 2.0, and I wanted to drop out and enlist in Air Force, she had the nerve to tell me that people with bachelor degree earn an average one million dollars per lifetime than people with high school diploma.


Interesting that your psychologist mentioned that people might be bullying you out of jealousy due to you doing so well at school, yet your GPA is so low. Did you truant? Was this truancy caused by the bullying? (avoiding school out of fear of the bullying). I'm currently going on to do an extended degree program, and afterwards I plan to do a BA honours degree. However, I am somewhat disadvantaged due to not achieving a GCSE maths pass grade, but I'm hoping that I will be able to pass my maths on an adult learner degree (similar to a GCSE).

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
But it does not make sense to lump together all colleges, all majors, men and women, white and black, cisgender and lgbt, and etc. That was in 2003. After 2008 recession, plenty of people got laid off or fired due to economy. Tuition rates increased out of proportion to the minimum wage. Not everyone earns the average amount.


That's true, there are a lot of factors you have to consider.


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09 Sep 2017, 10:27 pm

Lost_dragon wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
When I told a UCSD psychologist that I was on academic probation for getting a gpa under 2.0, and I wanted to drop out and enlist in Air Force, she had the nerve to tell me that people with bachelor degree earn an average one million dollars per lifetime than people with high school diploma.


Interesting that your psychologist mentioned that people might be bullying you out of jealousy due to you doing so well at school, yet your GPA is so low. Did you truant? Was this truancy caused by the bullying? (avoiding school out of fear of the bullying). I'm currently going on to do an extended degree program, and afterwards I plan to do a BA honours degree. However, I am somewhat disadvantaged due to not achieving a GCSE maths pass grade, but I'm hoping that I will be able to pass my maths on an adult learner degree (similar to a GCSE).
______________________________________________________________________________

between 2nd and third undergrad years at UCSD, got a quarterly GPA of below 2.0.

in high school, GPA 4.0 pretty much the whole time. when the high school school psychologist had the nerve to tell me that middle school bullies were jealous that i did better at school than they did, the school psychologist had no method of knowing how those rodents did at school altogether. she was not telepathic. she did not even know who they were.

in college, did not truant. at least not for STEM classes. :D

workaholic

burnout

flunk out


_____________________________________________________________



shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
But it does not make sense to lump together all colleges, all majors, men and women, white and black, cisgender and lgbt, and etc. That was in 2003. After 2008 recession, plenty of people got laid off or fired due to economy. Tuition rates increased out of proportion to the minimum wage. Not everyone earns the average amount.


That's true, there are a lot of factors you have to consider.


it might have been in the ucsd psychologist's job description to tell me what she told me. :idea: brand loyalty :arrow:

she did not know me that well personally. nor did she claim to. nor did she have to.

:cry:

that's exactly the problem. she acted like she was unbiased or something. but everyone is biased.

and i wanted to enlist in the Air Force. E1. active duty.

but the military recruiter has a quota.

everyone is biased.

the military recruiter has no method of knowing which poolee will get an Entry Level Discharge. the military recruiter is not psychic or telepathic.

the military recruiter does not even have the authority to diagnose MEPS disqualifiers. at that time, i had not yet gotten diagnosed for autism, Gender Identity Disorder, or clinical depression



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09 Sep 2017, 10:37 pm

I'm not sure what the "mandated reporter law" is. I should really look into that.

in the united states, the Mandated Reporter Law is a law that says certain professionals (schoolteachers, counselors, police officers, medical doctors, et cetera) are legally required to report when they suspect someone has physically injured someone else, or if they suspect someone will physically injure someone else. something like that. England might not have a law of that type.

:idea:

Is a dean like a head teacher or something? Maybe they got the impression that you were troubled and/or depressed by the article you wrote. Did you go into gory detail about physical violence?

the dean was not a head teacher. more like a discipline administrator. something like that.

do not know what impression the dean got from the article. b/c the dean did not tell me, and i ain't telepathic.

the writer only has one intended interpretation. :?: all the other interpretations are misinterpretations. :ninja:

:D

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
But she had no method of knowing why students bullied me. She did not even know which students they were.


Do you think it's possible that she was correct in her statement in anyway? Or was she way off base?

yes, it is possible she was correct. but she acted so confident, like it was a fact. the possibility of her being correct did not justify her confidence.




I take it from this that you were cynical of her, and found her to be condescending and that she treated you as a naive fool.

yes

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
The next day got a different school psychologist. She was :D nicer :oops: .

:mrgreen: relatively :idea:


Yeah, my second counsellor was nicer too. At least, she was definitely more mentally stable than the first.

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
And then over the summer, the second school psychologist saw me at the mall, where she worked a second job, with my precious lil "parents". She called me out, by name.


Oh dear. Psychologists aren't supposed to do that. There's a rule on patient privacy, that states that when a psychiatrist/ therapist/ psychologist sees their patient outside of sessions, they're supposed to avoid contact with patient as much as possible, to respect the patient's privacy so they don't have to reveal to others that they're in therapy if they don't want to.

The fact that the word parents is in speech marks, and follows "precious lil" makes me think you hold some sort of resentment to them. Do you dislike your parents? Why? Do you find them incapable/inept in some way? Guessing her job didn't/ doesn't pay that well if she's working a second job.

:ninja: she told me she worked at Macy's as a cosmetologist putting make up on customers




shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
The current counselor charges 75 bucks an hour. The court did not give me court :x Mandated counseling :idea: . There is no law that says I have to go. So why am I going?

:lol:

However nowadays I am hardly ever socially interacting with someone

And some of my former precious lil "friends" had their own counselors


What does the court have to do with anything? Did you commit some kind of crime/ were you accused? Well, why did you get into counselling? Do you find your sessions beneficial at all? You sound like you're having second thoughts. Have you ever considered switching to a different counsellor? Is it possible for you to ask for a referral at all? Do you think that might help? Is 75 bucks a lot?

the current counselor is by far the greatest counselor i have ever had thus far. thus far. but of course one wrong action or statement could destroy that completely.

the insurance pays for one year under the current counselor. that one year ends in the beginning of November. after that, the counselor told me she will try to convince the insurance to give me one more year.

so. one or two years.

75 bucks is a lot. it takes a lot of energy and time for me to harass enough pedestrians to cajole someone into giving me 75 bucks.

yeah i know, that's about the standard fee for counselors.

and i do think her services are worth that fee

and that that does not mean she earns 75 bucks an hour. after rent, licensing fees, and insurance.

but for someone without a job, that 75 bucks an hour is not going to take high priority



Maslows hierarchy of needs

room and board



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11 Sep 2017, 9:47 am

Lost_dragon wrote:
My experience in school counsellors can be broken down into Junior
Ugh, I really hate this "just ignore them" nonsense. I used to get that advice from people too. Sometimes just ignoring it really doesn't help anything, they still bully you regardless. It's true that there was most likely a reason, even if it was just a small one, for why they bullied you. Sometimes it's less about you, and more about what's going on in the bully's life. I've been both bullied, and a bully at various points in my life. It's not something I'm proud of.

Very true. I would like to add it's hard to "ignore" being shoved down the stairs from behind.

Quote:
The reason why I became a bully was because I was being bullied by two people at school, and teachers were reluctant to do anything to help, so out of frustration I ended up hurting people that I didn't really mean to. Back then, I didn't have enough emotional intelligence to properly deal with my emotions, and often bottled up my feelings until I randomly exploded and released them all at once at people who didn't deserve to be treated badly by me. Of course, this doesn't excuse my behaviour in anyway, as I shouldn't have acted that way, and I know that now.

Now this I don't understand. If I was able to get away with it, I would do some pretty nasty things to the bullies but if anything it made me stand up for those being bullied.

Quote:
Sounds to me like they wanted to bring proper justice and punishment to the troublemakers. I know what it's like though, people intimidate you so that you don't want to tell on them out of fear that they will hurt you if they find out that you told on them. Sadly, there are no simple answers when it comes to bullying as it's a complex topic.

I would say that's far from the truth. In reality, like a police interrogation he was looking for 'proof' I made it up or was coached. Even in the 90s people couldn't believe that even honor roll students could be capable of such cruelty.

Quote:
Well that sounds like nonsense. I see nothing wrong with being a plumber or a electrician, after all they are both useful and skilled professions. Personally, I've done a bit about eCommerce and the psychology of marketing, and I somewhat enjoyed it, but I can understand why someone might find it a tad tiring/ dull.

Why won't you get into employment counsellors? Is it a personal choice, aka you just don't want to due to bad experiences, or are you for some reason not able to see one? I know some aren't great, and they're not always right.


I don't want to derail this thread so I didn't go into detail but yes, all but one were completely useless. One I left 8(! !) messages for and he never had the common decency to return even one of them even after he promised he would. Their basic attitude was that I should consider myself lucky to even have a job at all.



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11 Sep 2017, 11:42 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
I would like to add it's hard to "ignore" being shoved down the stairs from behind.


8O Were you ok?

Quote:
The reason why I became a bully was because I was being bullied by two people at school, and teachers were reluctant to do anything to help, so out of frustration I ended up hurting people that I didn't really mean to. Back then, I didn't have enough emotional intelligence to properly deal with my emotions, and often bottled up my feelings until I randomly exploded and released them all at once at people who didn't deserve to be treated badly by me. Of course, this doesn't excuse my behaviour in anyway, as I shouldn't have acted that way, and I know that now.


GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Now this I don't understand. If I was able to get away with it, I would do some pretty nasty things to the bullies but if anything it made me stand up for those being bullied.


Emotions...they aren't always fully logical. Granted, I understand that from an outsider's perspective that what I did doesn’t seem to make much sense. There were times where I just lost control, where I just couldn’t hide my anger and frustration anymore. It built up inside of me, and I felt a strong desire to release it physically. When this happened, it was like it wasn’t even me.

I would act violently, and then immediately breakdown in tears and apologise to whoever I just hurt. I even started self-harming because I felt like I needed to be punished for my behaviour.

I struggled with anger management for a while in childhood. These days I don’t because I’m much more emotionally aware than I was. You see, one of these people who bullied me, she was friends with my best friend. Due to this, my best friend shunned me when I told on the person who was bullying me. My best friend antagonised me, saying that I should’ve just let her push me around and that I’ve upset my bully now because I told on her.

The situation left me feeling conflicted, I felt bad because I would see the bully cry because she was upset for being told off, which made me felt bad because I felt bad for making someone cry. But on the other hand, she didn’t seem remorseful for throwing me into walls and ignoring me, she just felt bad because she didn’t like being in trouble.

My friendship with my best friend was immensely weakened. I felt frustrated at her, I hated how she would always take the bully’s side even though she admitted that the bully was controlling of her. But, I didn’t know who to turn to in order to express that. The teachers didn’t seem to listen, after all. At first, this anger manifested itself in fairly innocent things. It started to influence my written work, and I would take out my frustration on inanimate objects.

But then it took a darker turn. Whenever I hung out with my best friend, I was secretly really annoyed. I tried to put on a smile and get along, hoping that things would go back to how they were before I told on the bully. But they didn’t. Minor things she did that would have only minorly annoyed me before were suddenly incredibly frustrating. You know how people say that they “see red” when they’re angry? Well, for me it was kind of like that. I was unable to calm myself down, the anger would sneak up on me so quickly and I would act out before I even fully released what I was doing. It was like I would forget where I was and what was happening, there was a short disconnect in my brain.

I felt terrible about how I was treating my best friend. It made me feel like some kind of monster. She understood partially that I didn’t mean to do the things I did, and she would lie to her parents about how she got the bruises. I realised that I was becoming as bad as one of my other bullies, one that would kick me every day throughout the whole school year repeatedly every single lesson. At home time, I would walk home alone, limping slightly as my legs would ache with every step I took whilst tears would roll down my face. I felt suicidal. At 10 years old.

This was a wakeup call for me, I started trying different methods of curbing my anger- including meditation. For the most part it worked, however- it didn’t work in the way I hoped it would. Instead of feeling angry, I felt nothing except numbness and pain. I learned to accept the beatings that I was subjected to by the younger years, receptions would hold us down in piles of people and beat us with sticks. It seemed like nothing anymore, being beaten up at break time as well as in the classroom. I became withdrawn and hateful, yet mostly numb.

Yeah, I realise my childhood wasn’t exactly normal. My teachers were neglectful and often left the school unattended. I was forced to mature at a much faster rate than I was mentally ready for. Sometimes they expected us to look after the younger years whilst they left to go to the pub to get drunk. If they’d been around more, I probably wouldn’t have been subjected to so much physical abuse to the point where violence just became a staple in my life. It no longer felt like a bad thing, it just became something that was necessary.

Primary school left me constantly feeling on edge, I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone and often misread people’s body language and ended up thinking that people were trying to hurt me when they weren’t. My mind would just jump to the worst-case scenario because that’s what I was used to dealing with. This made it hard to understand when people were actually just being friendly, and not just gaining my trust just to hurt me.

I wish I’d talked about all of this with my counsellor rather than have to do those stupid booklets with her. One of my deepest fears is that people in my life will find out about my past and not want to be my friend anymore. I look back on who I was, and it just doesn’t even seem real. It’s like looking back on someone else, rather than myself.

Damn, this was painful to write. :cry:


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11 Sep 2017, 1:16 pm

Lost_dragon wrote:
8O Were you ok?

Physically yes, until I got a concussion the very next week from being dropkicked from behind while bent over at my locker. The kid did get a suspension..... that was later reversed because of multiple parents complaining. In other words, I 'ignored' it until it was a 8-10 on 1 experience. All thanks to the useless advice of counsellors. When I changed schools, I was told to "act tough", which probably looked as ridiculous as the computer nerd at dodgeball who tried to act like a Marine Drill Sargent. Bullies see right through that act and it only makes them angrier. Am I bitter at the bad advice given to me? You bet!

Thanks for sharing the rest of your story. You are certainly a rare breed: nobody to this day has ever apologized for any of the horrific things done to me.



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11 Sep 2017, 3:42 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Lost_dragon wrote:
8O Were you ok?

Physically yes, until I got a concussion the very next week from being dropkicked from behind while bent over at my locker. The kid did get a suspension..... that was later reversed because of multiple parents complaining. In other words, I 'ignored' it until it was a 8-10 on 1 experience. All thanks to the useless advice of counsellors. When I changed schools, I was told to "act tough", which probably looked as ridiculous as the computer nerd at dodgeball who tried to act like a Marine Drill Sargent. Bullies see right through that act and it only makes them angrier. Am I bitter at the bad advice given to me? You bet!

Thanks for sharing the rest of your story. You are certainly a rare breed: nobody to this day has ever apologized for any of the horrific things done to me.


One of the hardest things you can do is admit that you’re wrong. Once you accept that you were in the wrong, you open yourself up to a long time of regret and wishing that your life had gone differently. The guilt eats away at you, and living with that can seem like a daunting task. Some go into denial, simply trying to ignore that they were ever wrong, but that’s not particularly healthy either.

I often wonder what my bullies would say to me now if they had the chance. Quite recently, I saw a YouTube video where someone rang their old bully and had a conversation with them, and the bully actually apologised to him and talked about the situation from his perspective. Over time, some bullies do realise their mistakes and feel remorse for their actions, but often by then both parties no longer have contact with each other. In childhood, you don’t really have much choice in who you hang out with. So naturally when we get the chance to part with our bullies, we are quick to move on.

When I finished secondary school, one of the first things I did was unfriend a load of people I knew, on social media. I no longer wanted anything to do with them, and I’m happy that I did because I can finally say that particular part in my life is over, and that I don’t have to deal with them anymore. But people do change. For me, when I started secondary school it was like a new start. A chance to reinvent myself, to become a better person. I went from being bullied, to being a bully, back to being bullied again. Yeah…I didn’t like school much.

Once I started College my life became a lot easier. I became a lot more confident, and for the first time in my life I didn’t have to worry about being bullied or becoming a bad person. The main difference I found in College compared to school is that people in College actually cared about what they were studying, and since we were all covering the same topic we had something we all could relate to together straight off the bat. People were also more mature, so co-existing with others became easier. Likewise, College was also a new start for me.

People often speak of loyalty as if it’s always positive, but it isn’t. My best friend in primary school and I haven’t spoken in two years, and that’s ok. I’m glad that I got the chance to apologise to her, and to my surprise she apologised to me as well. She said I was right about the person who bullied me, that she was being controlled by her and my friend wished she’d listened to me sooner about her. It had gotten to the point where my friend was being limited by her (not being allowed to have certain friends or go to certain events by herself) and she couldn’t take the toxic possessiveness of them anymore.

We have both cut this person out of our lives. She was initially reluctant to cut her out of her life as she felt obligated to try and sustain their friendship, but she’s glad that she’s not longer friends with her because it wasn’t healthy/ good for her.

I should probably clarify that we no longer speak not because we don’t like each other anymore, but simply that with time we have drifted apart and become two very different people. Sometimes I wonder if we ever should have been friends anyway, it always felt kind of forced (especially conversation) as we didn’t have much common ground between us. With my current group, conversation feels a lot more natural and not at all fake.

With all this speak of people changing, a part of me still realises that some simply don’t, yet others do. I wish that certain people would apologise to me for what they did, it would be nice to have a “Hey, I’m sorry for treating you like crap and disrespecting you for your sexuality, as well as gagging, yelling verbal abuse, standing on your feet whilst holding you on the ground as my friends kick you, intentionally closing doors on you when you’re walking through them, not counting your vote in group discussions, using homophobic language, spreading rumours, making you feel suicidal and that your life is less valuable, and forcing you to hide in an arcade just a few days before your birthday in an arcade out of fear” but I’ve yet to hear that.

My friends always tell me that I shouldn’t be holding so many grudges at once, but it can be hard not to. It’s not just other students either, certain teachers would say bad comments too. I wish that they would’ve stopped to think about what they were saying before they added onto my self-hatred, and mostly likely the self-hatred of other students. I had a hard time throughout secondary school coming to terms with my sexual orientation, and my teachers didn’t help that with some of the things they said. My biology teacher would say that gay people are essentially pointless, and would call people gay as an insult.

I know that by themselves these things may seem small, but when you consider them together it adds up to make a hostile environment. In my school, one of the worst things you could be called was gay. If people even suspected you, then you were cast out of groups and isolated, so the ideal was “passing as straight” as much as you could. I even got into a male/female relationship in order to decrease suspicion with a gay guy. It was just the done thing, you got with someone of the opposite sex who was also gay, acted like a couple in public, and then relaxed once everyone was gone.

All of this ended up backfiring me on though once I was outed by someone. 8O Luckily that was at the end of term though, and then I moved not long after so I didn’t have to deal with much of the backlash from that. :)


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GiantHockeyFan
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12 Sep 2017, 11:46 am

I was branded as gay in Grade 9 because I befriended someone who I now as an adult realize is probably gay. I still don't see why that should be an issue, nor why being gay is seen as a bad thing. Heck, I considered it great when I was dating: less competition!! I don't see why being friends with a gay man is any different than being friends with a straight woman.

I still hold grudges and am I sick of being told I need to "let it go". I usually ask that person if someone molested or murdered their child and got off on a technicality (or the cops didn't believe you) would you just smile and say "oh well, that's okay." Most parents would at the very least have an urge to grab a shotgun and dispense justice themselves.
Am I bitter? Damn right!
Would I be willing to forgive? If they understood and sincerely apologized (and even attempted to make amends) I would let it go.



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12 Sep 2017, 3:53 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
I was branded as gay in Grade 9 because I befriended someone who I now as an adult realize is probably gay. I still don't see why that should be an issue, nor why being gay is seen as a bad thing. Heck, I considered it great when I was dating: less competition!! I don't see why being friends with a gay man is any different than being friends with a straight woman.

I still hold grudges and am I sick of being told I need to "let it go". I usually ask that person if someone molested or murdered their child and got off on a technicality (or the cops didn't believe you) would you just smile and say "oh well, that's okay." Most parents would at the very least have an urge to grab a shotgun and dispense justice themselves.
Am I bitter? Damn right!

Would I be willing to forgive? If they understood and sincerely apologized (and even attempted to make amends) I would let it go.


Haha, I like your perspective on the less competition thing. Although that can sometimes lead to the whole "Lesbians give us more competition, they're stealing our women!" nonsense. :roll:

Still, better than the whole "You're gay? What a waste!". :/ Of what? A human being? I'm sorry you find my life to be a waste. Ugh, people.


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12 Sep 2017, 8:38 pm

When I was in High school and a psychologist tried to diagnosis me with bipolar.



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30 Nov 2017, 4:48 am

Anyone any idea why a counsellor might test balance? I remember when I had this counsellor and in each session she would make me stand on one leg, and then the other before I could sit down. Always thought it was a bit odd really.


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27 Jan 2018, 9:06 am

Lost_dragon wrote:
Anyone any idea why a counsellor might test balance? I remember when I had this counsellor and in each session she would make me stand on one leg, and then the other before I could sit down. Always thought it was a bit odd really.


Testing your balance is the first thing which comes to most people.
But I would guess, and this is only a guess, that she may have been using this as a grounding technique.
It may have helped to relax you, or so she thought. Or it could have been just to help clear you mind.
This may have been a simple exercise to ready you for the session.

Why she didn't tell you I do not know. How weird.
I can see how this could have put a barrier in front of you both.
A decent counsellor will explain what is going on and negotiate with clients.
The whole experience is supposed to be client focused and user centred.

I have read far too many examples of poor therapy here - how sad.