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leozelig
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03 Sep 2017, 7:38 pm

Hi, I've been on another forum that is for survivors of PTSD, for about a year now, and it was a good support in the beginning. After a while I have noticed that on a lot of my new posts, they barely get read and maybe one person replies which I do always appreciate and thank them for helping me. Am I trying too hard?

I also make sure to try to support other members who share through posts that they are going through problems of their own, and notice half the time people won't respond to my replies. I'm guessing that part is normal, but I am starting to feel kind of ignored. Is that how it is for everybody?

I see other members receive lots of responses and see a sort of good communication going on, but am not seeing much of that happening with me. I do try my best but sometimes I don't know what to say, so I try to say what I think and to show I do care and understand. I don't know what to do but it is hurting my feelings and I'm trying to share something I wrote, and so far it's not going the way I wanted it to go :( I just wanted them to listen to me like they do for each other...

I never mentioned I have Asperger's as I don't wanna stand out a lot from normal people but maybe I'm still rubbing people the wrong way or something. I don't know, it's really bothering me, as I really put a lot of effort in and feels like I'm not getting anywhere... do I expect too much from other people?



Keladry
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03 Sep 2017, 10:11 pm

I don't think anyone is ignoring you or ostracizing you. It's really kind of hit or miss on if your post gets replies or not, depending on if anyone has anything to say and/or contribute to the topic you started. Don't take a lack of replies personally.... try editing and re-wording, or start (or contribute to) a different topic.

Also, you mentioned that you want people to listen to - probably lots of people are reading your post (therefore listening), even if they don't reply, but they are listening. And remember that this is an autism forum - not all of us are good at displaying empathy and/or showing support in a way that the person asking for it wants - it might be that someone sympathizes with what you wrote but doesn't really know what to say in reply, and/or doesn't have anything to say in reply, and/or doesn't recognize that you are wanting support. Don't give up and don't despair.



Fireblossom
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04 Sep 2017, 4:21 am

I know that feeling too and it's not pleasant, but there are many possible reasons for why you might not get answers. People have a limited amount of time for reading topics and replying them, so they only open the ones that have a title that is either interesting or sound like something they would have something to say about. However, sometimes it turns out that it wasn't as interesting as they thought and don't leave a comment. Or that it wasn't about what they thought it was about. Or they understand what you're saying but don't really have any advice or anything else to add. Or they have something to say but don't know how to put it in words and end up saying nothing at all.

Or at least this is how I do things, probably some others do too. I also have a problem with the language barrier; sometimes there's something I really want to say, but don't know how to explain it in English and end up not saying anything.



leozelig
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04 Sep 2017, 8:16 am

Keladry wrote:
I don't think anyone is ignoring you or ostracizing you. It's really kind of hit or miss on if your post gets replies or not, depending on if anyone has anything to say and/or contribute to the topic you started. Don't take a lack of replies personally.... try editing and re-wording, or start (or contribute to) a different topic.

Also, you mentioned that you want people to listen to - probably lots of people are reading your post (therefore listening), even if they don't reply, but they are listening. And remember that this is an autism forum - not all of us are good at displaying empathy and/or showing support in a way that the person asking for it wants - it might be that someone sympathizes with what you wrote but doesn't really know what to say in reply, and/or doesn't have anything to say in reply, and/or doesn't recognize that you are wanting support. Don't give up and don't despair.

Thanks Keladry, I appreciate your input. I'll try not to take it personally, and am trying to look at it as just, I'm doing it to help myself. I think I feel excluded because the other members seem really supportive of each other. I guess you're right, that reading is listening, on a forum.

Also thought I'd mention my question was not about my posts here on Wrongplanet, BTW. It's been happening to me on another forum... I guess I needed to vent here on WP with other autistics, as I had thought maybe this happens more often to other autistics.



Last edited by leozelig on 04 Sep 2017, 8:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

leozelig
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04 Sep 2017, 8:20 am

Fireblossom wrote:
I know that feeling too and it's not pleasant, but there are many possible reasons for why you might not get answers. People have a limited amount of time for reading topics and replying them, so they only open the ones that have a title that is either interesting or sound like something they would have something to say about. However, sometimes it turns out that it wasn't as interesting as they thought and don't leave a comment. Or that it wasn't about what they thought it was about. Or they understand what you're saying but don't really have any advice or anything else to add. Or they have something to say but don't know how to put it in words and end up saying nothing at all.

Or at least this is how I do things, probably some others do too. I also have a problem with the language barrier; sometimes there's something I really want to say, but don't know how to explain it in English and end up not saying anything.

Hi Fireblossom :) Thank you for explaining it to me. I guess I do the same thing too. I don't always know what to write to other people either. I think I was wanting more support from the topics I was sharing, but I feel better talking about what's happening here in this topic.