12 Sep 2017, 6:30 pm
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,461
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
12 Sep 2017, 7:00 pm
nomoretears wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
ltcvnzl wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
ltcvnzl wrote:
I never trust self-proclaimed weird people. I mean, ok, maybe you don't have mainstream interests but there is plenty of people who enjoy the same interests as you do (I didn't read full topic, it made me bored, but you did mentioned serial killers for example) and you don't need to have a 100% equal match... also, you stated that you had many past relationships, I didn't get the point of this topic? I mean, you obviously got a lot of dates – you even said that, so no you aren't too weird to date.
Its pretty easy to find people with similar interests on the internet. Thank god for it.
I understand no two people will be exactly the same nor have the same interests. However, mine are a little outside the norm esp for a gal.
I have had 4 relationships spread out over 12 years. The only one that lasted more than a couple months was abusive.
Most women can get dates easily bc men want the sex. Theres a difference between getting a man and keeping one. Most of my high school classmates are married with kids.
so shouldn't the topic be "i'm too weird to marry"? that's what i didn't understood. anyway, if you have such diverse interests, are you really interest in being like the norm? marrying and having children?
I dont know. It doesnt seem like guys like dating me lol Its mostly the sex.
I maybe wont get married or have kids. I understand all relationships,require concession. Maybe i would have to make more concessions than the average person.
How early on do you have sex? I mean perhaps this wont be helpful if you already do wait a bit before doing that...but in my past I would be willing to have sex on the first in-person meet up and then some of the guys I tried dating ended up only seeming to be interested in the sex...but not a relationship with me. May have saved me some trouble if I had persisted about having to get to know them a little better first and only wanting to have sex if they really wanted to try a relationship.
I don't think you're too weird to date, you just need a little bit more confidence in yourself...I mean you have even said one of your past boyfriends was abusive, that can wear on a person and make them feel unworthy and like crap about them-self but that is what abusers do....the things they said about you aren't true.
When i was younger i would give it up faster. I quit that, and i usually dont date much anyway.
With my ex i had sex on the first date, but that turned into a relationship. Thats not what usually happens.
Thats one of the reasons i quit mass dating. I get tired of man after man after man expecting sex on the first date. I also got tired of guys lying to have sex with me.
I can admit im not so bubbly and talkative. So the comment my last ex made was unfortunately factually correct.
Maybe they were correct about not being bubbly and talkative, but there isn't anything 'wrong' with it. I am not very bubbly myself and I can be talkative around people I know or if someone engages me in conversation that has to do with something I am interested in but if I am around new people I don't talk much.
Also though sometimes it doesn't hurt to take a break to sort of re-set...I did that after getting frustrated about feeling led on over and over. Funny thing is my current boyfriend sent me a message on okcupid, during my month long break from dating...So I didn't even respond to his first message for a month and then messaged him that if he was still interested we could talk more and meet up at some point. By taking a break I don't mean giving up...I just mean focus on you for a while instead.
12 Sep 2017, 9:32 pm
sly279 wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
sly279 wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
sly279 wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
sly279 wrote:
And your fit. Imagine being the slightly fat and ugly guy people stare at and make fun of for trying to get thinner. I wish I could win lottery and buy equipment for my house but I can't so planet fitness is my only chance, i dont know how often I'll go or if I go.
Can you go early in the day or later at night after peak hours? I go early in the am. Sometimes im the only one there on saturday mornings.
I dont know I take the bus so it only runs so early and so late.
nomoretears wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
It sounds like you only go for guys who already have plenty of options. Maybe it would be a better idea for you to go for the guy who doesn't get that much female attention, it would atleast make infidelity very unlikely.
The only men i know who would have few to no options would be 70 year old men. The abusive ex wasnt tge most handsome guy, but he could get women, and he had a thing for hookers.
Guys who use hookers can't get women , which is why they use hookers.
Lots of men 70 and down have no options, there's lots of men p, women look down on for their job or body shape.
Oh no, that ex can get them ive never known him to be single except for now. Yet hecwould still entertain a hooker, even celebs do.
Honestly, i think id rather be single than date a man just bc he has no options. In facr, i had a cyber stalker who was recently homeless and extremely unattractive. I couldnt imagine dating him bc he apparently has no other options.
You dcan my have to date a guy cause he has no options but your should refuse to date a guy just cause he has no options. You might find out he's the one for you and be happly ever after. Just cause 99% of other women won't date him doesn't mean he wouldn't be good for you.
The guys ive seen who have no options, i wouldnt be interested in dating. For example, im not going to date a guy 40 years older than me just because he doesnt have options. Also, my cyberstalker apparently has no options, and hes also the type of man i wouldnt be attracted to. Ive met men who dont have many options, and they are often waaaaay older, have health problems (i met one who was oxygen deprived), and very out of shape. Other than that most guys have sone kind of options. Im not going to date a man simply bc hes a man.
Its not that im avoiding a man bc he doesnt have options per se. Its things abt these guys that are very unappealing esp to younger women.
Im not going to spend my youth with someone i find extremely unattractive just so i can have someone. Im not desperate.
Here's lots of guys in their 20s-30s here who have no options cause we aspies.
Not yet lol but see when your 30,40,50 I see lots of desperate women in that age groups who been single and now their nearing the end of their child baring years and can't find a guy.
But whatever look down on me all you want most women do.
I dont meet aspies in real life tbh.
No one is looking down on you. you're taking this a little too personally.
Im 30, not desperate, and not looking to have kids.
12 Sep 2017, 10:09 pm
sly279 wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
sly279 wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
sly279 wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
sly279 wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
I dont know how much compromising i can do. Ive putup with emotional abuse, infidelity, guys ogling other women in front of me, bfs ignoring me so they can date 2 girls at once..I have put up with so much from men onky to be dumped in the end anyway.
Im forgetful, stupid smart, weird interests, say and do the wrong things. I guess im just difficult to deal with bc of who i am.
Im forgetful, stupid smart, weird interests, say and do the wrong things. I guess im just difficult to deal with bc of who i am.
What about being with a fat guy and helping him get fit but also accepting he might not do all the excercising stuff you do. Plenty of people who work out a lot and hike etc are with people who don't. Plenty of fit people don't enjoy that too. Example you enjoy rock climbing but you can do that without your partner. I'm trying to get thin but I'll never be too into all that running, swimming etc I wouldn't mind if my so was
You cant force someone to be something theyre not. What you described sounds more like being someones person trainer rather than boyfriend.
Not it's more like sharing you knowledge and helping your so. Isn't that what relationships are helping the one you love the most, balancing each other with your different knowledge and experiences. Maybe your bf is better at math is he your personal accountant lol. Most relationships tend to have areas where one spouse is better at and helps the other. A lot of guys are put on diets by their gf/wife's lol. It's a constant complaint I hear from guys in relationships. "She won't let me eat that stuff"
Puls you get to work or together which is something you said you would want. Did you mean go to gym together then work out separately? When you truely love someone you want to help them. I'd love to have a gf to show me how to properly lift weights or do exercises instead I'm Goni going have to wing it and hopefully not do any serious damage. Also most people force themselves to work out, probly less then 25% of the population enjoys working out like you do. For most people it's a horrible chore they can't wait to get over or are made to do by their wife/gf
i don't know if I'm attracted to obese, out of shape men to be honest. I don't really see super fit women with men who are extremely out of shape. I try hard to keep in shape, and that's what i want in a partner.
I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with someone and be like
Ok i gotta make him get up and walk
gotta make him ride the bike
gotta convince him to lift weights
That sounds more like a job.
Being physically active has become a big part of my life. i couldn't see dating someone who wasn't into physical activity in some way.
I don't necessarily do gym time together, but I like guys who are into that in some way. The latest ex and I didn't do gym together, but we did plenty of walking and bike riding. He had a home gym.
Don't have to make him. Every think he might want to go do those things if it's doing them with you?
I had a girl go shoot guns with me she'd never shot guns but did it I assume cause I like shooting guns.
I'm fat and I like you alksnand hikes. Biking I did a lot as a kid but it's tougher and seat wedges are uncomfortable.
I've seen a few fit women with fat men but a lot more of the opposite I see tons of fit attractive men with fat women. 0.o so what makes a fit man chose a fat obese woman over a fit attractive woman? Why do a lot of men work out to stay in shape but are accepting of fat women? Probably the huge ad campaigns to push people out of fat shaming women and to see fat women as abnormal body shape. There's. I such ad campaign for men. Amos I'm not obese there loads of guys bigger then me they look like wrecking balls. I've seen some where I'll like how do they get through the door. Like they wider then a door. Yet most have wife's/gfs
Meanwhile I have a bit of a belly and people call me fat and ugly. I'm 6'3" and 260 my ex friend was foot or so shorter and is 290. He got thin girls left and right.
I'm losbig weight but it won't matter. Even if I get thin and weigh 220
and thus I don't have much motivation to work out or go for s jog. I'd never rock climb it's too expensive and risky. I don't want to get hurt. I've never had a serious injury. Your lucky to born thin and stayed thin.If he wanted to be fit, he wouldnt have to wait for a gf to maje him do it.
Its easy to explain why a lot of guys even fut ones like bbws-bbws come with big boobs and big booties oftentimes. Fat doesnt lay well on men. Ive seen bbws with outrageously sexy figures and beautiful faces.
Im honestly not extracted to obese or very out of shape men. For me fitness is a lifestyle not just a hobby. I cant date someone with a completely different lifestyle. No one is in super great all the time, but i have my limits.
Its not unfair to ask for a partner who is similar to me.
Im not going to make that concession.
I explained it. I don't do things alone. It might be something I freaking love doing but not alone. Do My stuff alone is sad and boring. Not to mention dangerous. Too many solo campers/jokers get hurt and then die cause they're alone with no one to get help for them.
Sorry fat women are not as sexy as thin women. Guys just accept what they can get physically in exchange for someone with good personality. If there was two women who wanted a guy and one was thin and one was fat but otherwise similar guys would always pick the thin one.
You don't have to but you may end up alone forever. That's life we don't have to make concessions and can stick to our demands but that may also mean we never get what we want.
I'd love to have a thing gf but I'm never going get one even if I become fit. So lowered my standard to looking for fat women I'll probably never find them as attractive as a thin woman but that's life. I'd rather be with a less sexy woman then be alone. Personality is more important anyways. That fit guy Amy get fat later in life most guys do. Again you don't have to but you'll have to accept that your limiting yourself to a small portion of single men who have lots of options therefore you have lots of competition
Even when i dated not so fit men, id still get dumped or looked over. Maybe dating isnt for everyone ie me. It seems to not matter who i date or whay i put up with, the results are always the same. At least ill admit its me lol
Most men have options.
Its not per se too few fit men, its more where i live. I live in a rural ish area. Things are different in other places like Atlanta, Miami, etc. If i want someone lile myself who is into fitness, thats my prerogative. Im not asking for too much by asking for someone like myself.
Some of what we didcussed about women and weight is already being discussed in another thread.
16 Sep 2017, 11:55 pm
nomoretears wrote:
K4NNW wrote:
The only issues that I see would be lack of talkativeness (although that could go either way, depending on the guy) and the social anxiety/panic attacks. Could it be that these guys weren't wanting to put in the effort to continue a relationship? Or possibly they just expected you to be bubbly and outgoing, or to become that way after being in a relationship?
Obviously, I'm no relationship expert, and I may be way off. Who knows?
Obviously, I'm no relationship expert, and I may be way off. Who knows?
Thats def one of my problems. Sometimes my panic attacks come out as anger. So there i an, an adult having a tantrum.
Two of my relationships were at least partially long distance. Im not the best talker. Thats why my exs comment hurt. I cant make myself bubbly unless i take drugs. Sadly, people like me much beyter when im under the influence.
That makes sense. It sucks that folks like you more with the drugs than without, though
17 Sep 2017, 12:44 am
17 Sep 2017, 11:44 am
Sweetleaf wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
ltcvnzl wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
ltcvnzl wrote:
I never trust self-proclaimed weird people. I mean, ok, maybe you don't have mainstream interests but there is plenty of people who enjoy the same interests as you do (I didn't read full topic, it made me bored, but you did mentioned serial killers for example) and you don't need to have a 100% equal match... also, you stated that you had many past relationships, I didn't get the point of this topic? I mean, you obviously got a lot of dates – you even said that, so no you aren't too weird to date.
Its pretty easy to find people with similar interests on the internet. Thank god for it.
I understand no two people will be exactly the same nor have the same interests. However, mine are a little outside the norm esp for a gal.
I have had 4 relationships spread out over 12 years. The only one that lasted more than a couple months was abusive.
Most women can get dates easily bc men want the sex. Theres a difference between getting a man and keeping one. Most of my high school classmates are married with kids.
so shouldn't the topic be "i'm too weird to marry"? that's what i didn't understood. anyway, if you have such diverse interests, are you really interest in being like the norm? marrying and having children?
I dont know. It doesnt seem like guys like dating me lol Its mostly the sex.
I maybe wont get married or have kids. I understand all relationships,require concession. Maybe i would have to make more concessions than the average person.
How early on do you have sex? I mean perhaps this wont be helpful if you already do wait a bit before doing that...but in my past I would be willing to have sex on the first in-person meet up and then some of the guys I tried dating ended up only seeming to be interested in the sex...but not a relationship with me. May have saved me some trouble if I had persisted about having to get to know them a little better first and only wanting to have sex if they really wanted to try a relationship.
I don't think you're too weird to date, you just need a little bit more confidence in yourself...I mean you have even said one of your past boyfriends was abusive, that can wear on a person and make them feel unworthy and like crap about them-self but that is what abusers do....the things they said about you aren't true.
When i was younger i would give it up faster. I quit that, and i usually dont date much anyway.
With my ex i had sex on the first date, but that turned into a relationship. Thats not what usually happens.
Thats one of the reasons i quit mass dating. I get tired of man after man after man expecting sex on the first date. I also got tired of guys lying to have sex with me.
I can admit im not so bubbly and talkative. So the comment my last ex made was unfortunately factually correct.
Maybe they were correct about not being bubbly and talkative, but there isn't anything 'wrong' with it. I am not very bubbly myself and I can be talkative around people I know or if someone engages me in conversation that has to do with something I am interested in but if I am around new people I don't talk much.
Also though sometimes it doesn't hurt to take a break to sort of re-set...I did that after getting frustrated about feeling led on over and over. Funny thing is my current boyfriend sent me a message on okcupid, during my month long break from dating...So I didn't even respond to his first message for a month and then messaged him that if he was still interested we could talk more and meet up at some point. By taking a break I don't mean giving up...I just mean focus on you for a while instead.
I would have to go out of my way and find someone who doesn't mind. My last two relationships relied a lot on phone conversations which didn't work in my advantage.
I'll be taking a break for a good while if I ever date again. I take years and years from dating. Some years I don't go on a date, period. In some ways it hurts a lot, but maybe that's all i can handle. I don't enjoy all the ups and downs, meeting and breaking up, then repeat.
17 Sep 2017, 11:46 am
K4NNW wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
K4NNW wrote:
The only issues that I see would be lack of talkativeness (although that could go either way, depending on the guy) and the social anxiety/panic attacks. Could it be that these guys weren't wanting to put in the effort to continue a relationship? Or possibly they just expected you to be bubbly and outgoing, or to become that way after being in a relationship?
Obviously, I'm no relationship expert, and I may be way off. Who knows?
Obviously, I'm no relationship expert, and I may be way off. Who knows?
Thats def one of my problems. Sometimes my panic attacks come out as anger. So there i an, an adult having a tantrum.
Two of my relationships were at least partially long distance. Im not the best talker. Thats why my exs comment hurt. I cant make myself bubbly unless i take drugs. Sadly, people like me much beyter when im under the influence.
That makes sense. It sucks that folks like you more with the drugs than without, though
It's ok, i'm at the acceptance phase. One guy told me the real me came out when i was drunk, and he liked to take me to bars and buy me drink after drink. I was on a pain med for awhile, and people seemed to like me. It was the first time people really seemed to enjoy me. Things were better at work, too. People could tell I wasn't on meds anymore.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
17 Sep 2017, 12:11 pm
nomoretears wrote:
K4NNW wrote:
nomoretears wrote:
K4NNW wrote:
The only issues that I see would be lack of talkativeness (although that could go either way, depending on the guy) and the social anxiety/panic attacks. Could it be that these guys weren't wanting to put in the effort to continue a relationship? Or possibly they just expected you to be bubbly and outgoing, or to become that way after being in a relationship?
Obviously, I'm no relationship expert, and I may be way off. Who knows?
Obviously, I'm no relationship expert, and I may be way off. Who knows?
Thats def one of my problems. Sometimes my panic attacks come out as anger. So there i an, an adult having a tantrum.
Two of my relationships were at least partially long distance. Im not the best talker. Thats why my exs comment hurt. I cant make myself bubbly unless i take drugs. Sadly, people like me much beyter when im under the influence.
That makes sense. It sucks that folks like you more with the drugs than without, though
It's ok, i'm at the acceptance phase. One guy told me the real me came out when i was drunk, and he liked to take me to bars and buy me drink after drink. I was on a pain med for awhile, and people seemed to like me. It was the first time people really seemed to enjoy me. Things were better at work, too. People could tell I wasn't on meds anymore.
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