Ladies, what is you opinion on this idea?

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I put this question in the Women's discussion because I don't know exactly where to put this, if it goes somewhere else, please move it to an appropriate spot.

I just thought about something, what would you(women) think about a facility where you can help us males better cope with life.

I noticed that females tend to be higher on the spectrum than males and maybe you could teach some of us how to do better in life. You have better social skills then we do(or learn them better.) and it seems you are able to cope better in life than most of us males can.

I thought maybe it could help because, social skills are usually our main problem and when NTs explain it they usually use some vague response that to many of us males makes no sense! My mother help explain some of my mistakes, and though she wasn't diagnosed, I honestly believe she might have aspergers as she acts very much like an autistic person and talks in a similar manner! Maybe you could also be a "buddy" for us as well! It would help some of you to get employed(if you're not already) and help us too.

I know they probably have something similar already but it doesn't work too well...(probably because too many NTs try to deal with the problems when most of them don't really know what they are doing and can't explain things in a way that we would understand.)

I just wonder what your(women) opinions are on the idea.(not that men can't give an opinion, it's just mainly directed towards women.)

I guess you could just post your questions here in this thread..

But beware women can be trolls too and you might get some nasty responses... i mean, have you seen the L&D section?!?

I am well aware that women can troll, I just ignore the people that do and keep going. I find it sad that you would troll when people are asking for advice(such as in the L&D thread).

But, forget those who troll and waste people's time, do you have an opinion about the idea?

I think it's a good idea, but I would request that it not be gender-specific. Something where people on the spectrum can help each other out would be an excellent idea, because we're much more likely to understand each other and figure out exactly what would be truly helpful than a neurotypical trying to help us - we're more likely to truly understand each other's struggles because we've probably experienced them to some degree ourselves. However I, for one, despite being female, would definitely need to be on the receiving end of such a service. I completely lack the ability to mimic, blend in, etc. that is apparently more common among women on the spectrum, and it seems there are plenty of males who are higher-functioning than me. It may so happen that most of the mentors would be female, but it shouldn't be restricted to females helping males, in my opinion. Such a facility could also offer groups where maybe people talk to each other about their struggles, and everyone can participate. Someone who would be receiving help from someone else may still have a solution to a problem that a higher-functioning person may not have thought of - like, maybe someone has very poor social skills but is good at coping with sensory issues, and could make some suggestions for someone struggling with that.

Yes. Just go ahead and use this thread to ask questions and we'll see if we can help.

We do struggle too with certain things, so don't expect us to all be sages. As the above poster says we do need help too.

I would say this forum is already a place where aspies try and help each other. So you're in the right place. Just add some questions here or start a new thread in an appropriate sub section.

Fine idea in principal but it will just decend to what L&D is.

I heard people say L&D is bad, what type of things happen there? I can be pretty naive when it comes to social things so, things that I might think is good advice or helpful may in reality be bad. A few examples would be helpful.

I thought about going to college to get a degree in psychology. I'm thinking maybe I could make it a life goal to find ways to help autistic people better.(it might be too late for some of us but the future kids could use the help!) I could learn some problems people have in L&D and maybe prevent it from happening.

I know in my situation it probably would be a farfetched idea for a facility to happen but maybe it could be possible! This site is really great, but there is just some things that can only be done in person.

Easiest way to form an opinion on L&D is to go read a few threads. It's just people disagreeing, but sometimes it turns into some serious ageing and mud slinging.

I think it gets heated because matters of the heart are such an emotional thing.

Plus there's the gender wars thing that keeps raising it's ugly head where neither gender feels understood and everyone feels that their opinions and feelings are being dismissed because of their gender.

Why do we even have gender wars, does it even matter if you are male or female? Your feelings are the same regardless! But, if I do get to build a place for autistic people that is something to definitely avoid! Hmmm... the more ideas I get for helping people the more excited the idea of a facility sounds!

L&D sound like it would be better in person, online it would be hard to convey your feelings and emotions. It is also hard to give any advice as all we see is words, we don't know how good or bad a situation is by words alone.
(Unless you are an expert writer and know how to structure a sentence in a way that would do so.)

I agree with some of the other people who posted. It's a great idea, but it doesn't have to be gender specific. I would never be good at teaching anyone social skills because I don't have good social skills. Some of what I post here seems like I do (like how I have friends, etc.), but if you met me I would probably be the last person you want to teach you social skills .

If a female wants to become a counselor of any type that's her decision, but on the whole, it's not the job of a female on the spectrum help a male on the spectrum cope in life. Females on the spectrum struggle in their own ways.



There are likely three reasons for this.
1. Females are forced to socialize more, and society and parents focus more energy on micromanaging females in all aspects of life, including socially.

2. Quiet females meet some social ideal of femininity so tend to not draw as much attention to themselves as quiet males, who are often regarded as abnormally shy or passive.

3. Probably some differences between the effects of estrogen and testosterone on the brain.



When I was younger, I was not any more socially inclined as a male on the spectrum, despite social pressures for me to be so. I improved my socially skills in the following ways.

1. I reasoned that socialization wasn't as random as it appeared to me and that there had to be some pattern to it by virtue of the fact that all other animals had hard wired behavioral patterns, and it would not make sense or work evolutionarily for humans to be devoid of these.

2. I attempted to write an AI program that could pass the Turing test. To do this, I had to deconstruct human social interactions and approach them analytically. I had to find patterns and have the program copy them.

3. I familiarized myself with basic etiquette. Not all people follow basic etiquette but it's difficult to go wrong socially when one does follow it.

4. I started creative writing. This forced me to try to envision how another person would perceive and respond to a situation.

My AI program ended up working fairly well, and would have passed the Turing test in most online chat situations. Unfortunately it was lost in a hard drive failure.

It should be noted, however, that these types of social skills, while I am confident can be acquired by most on the higher functioning end of the spectrum, are a double edged sword. On one hand, they will help you navigate most every day social situations. On the other hand, they may not result in deep social relationships, and can mask your other social deficits. This can cause people to become even more irate with you when you mess up socially and they don't realize you are on the spectrum. It may also cause people to be less aware of, or dismiss your needs as someone on the spectrum.

People who have low self esteem with seemingly nothing to offer in a relationship and no desire to go anything to change themselves for the positive asking for the "cheat codes" that let them get relationships anyway.

You'd probably end up sick if you tried to follow our advice.

We're women. You're guys. Completely different social code.

Also, women "look higher" on the spectrum in large part because we're, not even better at social masking, but more likely to engage in it.

With the upside that we're more socially successful when we're young...

...and the downside that we're more likely to fall prey to depression, anxiety, burnout, and not even knowing who the f**k we are any more as we get older.

Trust me. You DON'T want to do what we do. We end up crazy.

It still basically comes down to the original diagnostic criteria and traits lists being designed for how autism presents in boys. While knowledge in female autism presentation has increased the original biases are still influential in the current diagnostic criteria manuals and traits lists. Many clinicians especially General Practitioners still look at autism in general the old way. And many clinicians still think most female problems are the result of periods or just that women in general are "hysterical". These clinicians may not say that directly because it is politically incorrect to do so but they think that way and diagnose or not diagnose based on that thinking.

I agree with the "nongendered" situation.

There are men who can be mentors to women....and vice versa.

Women periods, really... REALLY? Come on, at least they could come up with a more plausible excuse! I know periods can affect women differently but what about before puberty? Can't blame periods then now can you? "Hysterical" wow how shallow to generalize people like that. What do they teach in schools!?

Maybe being gender specific wouldn't be the best idea but I was just going by what I see on sites and research. I would try in person to get more info but meeting other autistic people is a hard thing to do!(well for me anyway.)

Well, if I could build a facility, what kind of things you think would help?(Have I been in a topic like this before? I think I have!)