How do couples manage meltdowns?

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Joined: 28 Jan 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 23

08 Sep 2017, 6:02 pm

My partner (NT) and I have been forcing ourselves to live in an unsustainable living situation (cold roomates, senile landlord, house falling apart, living in a busy stressful area, hobos etc). I love this person and so I've forced myself into a living situation that my autism essentially disagrees with so I have meltdowns every week (vs once every 3 months prior to living here) sometimes multiple times in a day. Obviously that's really extreme so I'd like to clarify that I'm only curious what others do/have done as a couple to accommodate and manage an autistic meltdown together. We are currently moving which will help alot but we will be living with his parents for awhile before we move into a place all our own. So I'm especially keen on learning what I can do to responsibly handle and maybe plan my meltdowns (which while fewer would still be a humiliating experience to share). Thankfully we will live on the bottom floor with our own living room, bathroom, and entrance. I'm still feeling a little anxious.

We could both use advice as someone with autism and someone without it. Thanks for your time!


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Joined: 7 Jul 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 25,085
Location: Out of my mind

08 Sep 2017, 9:29 pm

Plan your meltdowns?
Sounds like you're going to schedule them in somehow.
Good luck with that. :lol:

It depends.
How do your meltdowns manifest?
And what do you need for comfort?
If you can be squeezed out of a meltdown you may need to arrange some kind of signal between you.
If you can't, you may need a private space where you can stim or lie on the floor for pressure, or bury yourself in cushions, or blast yourself with screamo music through headphones.
Maybe you need to be stroked.
Maybe you should look into getting a safety vest or weighted blanket.
Hard to say.
Communication of your needs is the key.

It's like I'm sleepwalking

Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 1 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 5
Location: Cairo

13 Sep 2017, 7:08 pm

We're both aspies. He shuts down more often than he melts down, and when he does that, I give him his space. I rarely have meltdowns anymore myself (maybe once a year if any) though I do shut down about once every month for a few days. He'll leave me alone to process. We could go days without talking to each other when in shut down mode and we are comfortable with this. There is nothing we hate more than when people try to 'pull us out' of our shut downs, it is overwhelming and will usually prolong my shut down (his too). This is something we've talked about since we decided to go exclusive, I'm so glad that we are very similar in this aspect, makes things so much easier. Communication is definitely key, talk it through before it happens so you don't shock your partner.