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Wishing I died ten years ago

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Michael829
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12 Sep 2017, 5:52 pm

sly279 wrote:
Therapists have been unhelpful for me too.


Yes, same here.

Evidently they couldn't find their a _ _ with both hands.

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funeralxempire
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12 Sep 2017, 10:59 pm

sly279 wrote:
Therapists have been unhelpful for me too.


That's largely been my experience. Trying to create purpose is the only thing that even sorta helps, and even then only barely. I feel especially bad since the gf also deals with depression and I'd mostly be lying if I told her things will get better. They might, but no guarantee, which isn't very comforting.


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Marknis
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13 Sep 2017, 9:47 am

SpreadsheetMaster wrote:
Marknis wrote:
SpreadsheetMaster wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I mentioned in my first post I have been in therapy for the last ten years of my life. Even when I try utilizing the advice, I still get dead ends. I feel like I've exhausted all options and that all I have to look forward to is my death. Whenever I read or hear stories from those who are 18-22 how they dated and had sex a lot in those years while I was struggling to even get a date just makes me wonder what is so wrong with me. Even at my age (29), I still feel like a lost soul.


Oops, sorry, I missed that part somehow. Sorry to pry, but what exactly happened at those therapy sessions? I went to 4-5 therapists that were of little to no use before I found a really good one that was key in turning my life around.


The first two therapists were nice but didn't really help. They just said things like "Not everyone your age is dating. In fact, the majority don't." but I saw the opposite happening all around me. The third one pretty much just listened to me and didn't really offer any advice. The fourth one was a man and he called me a "douchebag" indirectly. My fifth and still current therapist has been the most helpful but I live in such a f****d up culture, my family environment is toxic, and things just don't go the way they should go so I am still depressed.


The therapist who helped me specializes in autism; the rest didn't. Does yours? What does (s)he have you do? Mine helped bring my thoughts from catastrophizing to reality, dealt with other mental problems I had, suggested how to talk to and relate to people, and helped me set and reach goals.


She's trained to help people with autism but it isn't her only field. She tells me to be mindful and to stay in the present moment. I find that thinking about either the past or the future just brings me grief. It's hard to escape the past, though, since my childhood is marked with social isolation and being told "Don't do this, don't do that!" by my peers. It's like my past defines who I am and my future is already set. She says that is not true.



IstominFan
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15 Sep 2017, 9:19 am

Therapists have been unhelpful for me as well, to put it mildly. Most of them were just plain intrusive and nosy and didn't do anything but make me feel stupid or at least uncomfortable.



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15 Sep 2017, 2:27 pm

I just wonder if my future can be directed in a better direction. How can I pull myself up and accept who I am despite all my failures and disappointments? I haven't been able to figure that out. I always took things in life as being like tests I had to pass and if I flunked at them, there are no other chances.



xxZeromancerlovexx
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15 Sep 2017, 3:38 pm

The only guy I met that I had stuff in common with ditched me after we broke up. I still haven't gotten over it because he was the first person I truly loved romantically.

I really think you are very cool, Marknis. You really shouldn't give up who you are just for the sake of a relationship. Stay who you are for you and you only. That's what I had and still have to do. When I try to be someone else to make other people love me I have to remember that I should enjoy what I truly enjoy, wear what I love to wear, listen to the music I actually enjoy. I know where you are coming from because I've been there too.

I wouldn't date a jock to save my life. I like the outcasts because I'm one myself :P

There are more goals to make other than a romantic relationship. I'm too busy with my video games and weight loss to really care about relationships. :lol:


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SpreadsheetMaster
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18 Sep 2017, 11:21 am

Marknis wrote:
SpreadsheetMaster wrote:
Marknis wrote:
SpreadsheetMaster wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I mentioned in my first post I have been in therapy for the last ten years of my life. Even when I try utilizing the advice, I still get dead ends. I feel like I've exhausted all options and that all I have to look forward to is my death. Whenever I read or hear stories from those who are 18-22 how they dated and had sex a lot in those years while I was struggling to even get a date just makes me wonder what is so wrong with me. Even at my age (29), I still feel like a lost soul.


Oops, sorry, I missed that part somehow. Sorry to pry, but what exactly happened at those therapy sessions? I went to 4-5 therapists that were of little to no use before I found a really good one that was key in turning my life around.


The first two therapists were nice but didn't really help. They just said things like "Not everyone your age is dating. In fact, the majority don't." but I saw the opposite happening all around me. The third one pretty much just listened to me and didn't really offer any advice. The fourth one was a man and he called me a "douchebag" indirectly. My fifth and still current therapist has been the most helpful but I live in such a f****d up culture, my family environment is toxic, and things just don't go the way they should go so I am still depressed.


The therapist who helped me specializes in autism; the rest didn't. Does yours? What does (s)he have you do? Mine helped bring my thoughts from catastrophizing to reality, dealt with other mental problems I had, suggested how to talk to and relate to people, and helped me set and reach goals.


She's trained to help people with autism but it isn't her only field. She tells me to be mindful and to stay in the present moment. I find that thinking about either the past or the future just brings me grief. It's hard to escape the past, though, since my childhood is marked with social isolation and being told "Don't do this, don't do that!" by my peers. It's like my past defines who I am and my future is already set. She says that is not true.


Mine has had me identify specific thoughts I have, see what evidence I do(n't) have to support them, and then come up with alternate explanations. She also helped me stay on task for goals, gave suggestions for dealing with social situations, things like that. There might be a better one for you, I dunno.



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18 Sep 2017, 11:44 pm

xxZeromancerlovexx wrote:
The only guy I met that I had stuff in common with ditched me after we broke up. I still haven't gotten over it because he was the first person I truly loved romantically.

I really think you are very cool, Marknis. You really shouldn't give up who you are just for the sake of a relationship. Stay who you are for you and you only. That's what I had and still have to do. When I try to be someone else to make other people love me I have to remember that I should enjoy what I truly enjoy, wear what I love to wear, listen to the music I actually enjoy. I know where you are coming from because I've been there too.

I wouldn't date a jock to save my life. I like the outcasts because I'm one myself :P

There are more goals to make other than a romantic relationship. I'm too busy with my video games and weight loss to really care about relationships. :lol:


That really sucks to hear, Zeromancerlove. Based on your interests and personality, I have to question that guy's sanity.

Thank you, Zeromancerlove. I don't try to please others because I tried in the past and it only lead to disappointment. It also made me reject interests I now have and wish I didn't push away before.



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21 Sep 2017, 10:40 am

I had a dream about two girls that were twins I knew in high school. I had crushes on them but they always had boyfriends. Even in my dreams I am rejected.



Marknis
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27 Sep 2017, 11:54 pm

I knew I should've blasted my brains out of my skull back when I was 17. I visualized it for a reason.