Asking to be left alone - is this a stalker?

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underwater
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18 Nov 2017, 5:24 am

Cat23 wrote:
Fern
He kinda doesn't sound that bad.... can't u just give him the speech "I believe that there's only one person out there for me that I'm pre destined to be with that person and it's not u...." that kinda speech? He's probably just got the mental illness of love :heart: :heart: :heart:


What this guy is doing is not even close to normal. If you think this is love, then you can easily end up in a very abusive relationship yourself.


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hale_bopp
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18 Nov 2017, 5:28 am

Cat23 wrote:
Fern
He kinda doesn't sound that bad.... can't u just give him the speech "I believe that there's only one person out there for me that I'm pre destined to be with that person and it's not u...." that kinda speech? He's probably just got the mental illness of love :heart: :heart: :heart:


Harassers don’t deserve to be let down gently. The need a cold clear message to stay away or else. This wishy washy approach is worthless in regards to such damgerous people with some sort of disorder.



Cat23
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18 Nov 2017, 7:21 pm

Don’t get me wrong I don’t think he’s great or anything but as for calling the police he hasn’t been violent towards u or anything I just think ur over reacting.



underwater
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19 Nov 2017, 4:50 am

Cat23 wrote:
Don’t get me wrong I don’t think he’s great or anything but as for calling the police he hasn’t been violent towards u or anything I just think ur over reacting.


No, she's not overreacting. He's stalking her. If she lets him get away with that, it will very likely turn into either physical or emotional abuse or both. He's already very manipulative.

You can't just sit and wait for a situation to become abusive and then call the police - at that point, the damage is already done, you've got some trauma in your life, and it will be much harder to be rid of the guy.

I'm not saying that it's necessary to involve the police, at this point, but certainly the OP should not respond to any attempts to contact her at all.


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HighLlama
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19 Nov 2017, 7:04 am

I can't add much, but will echo the previous poster who mentioned borderline personality disorder. I often feel like a magnet for those individuals, or people with similar boundary issues. Haven't had the stalking aspect, though. I think others gave the right advice and you did the right things. What we'd see as courtesy or politeness (such as politely putting up a boundary, nicely saying no) will only appear as interest to an individual like this guy. I hope his presence has diminished and he's no longer a concern.



hale_bopp
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19 Nov 2017, 1:31 pm

Cat23 wrote:
Don’t get me wrong I don’t think he’s great or anything but as for calling the police he hasn’t been violent towards u or anything I just think ur over reacting.


I wouldn’t call the police. But I wouldn’t let him down gently, either.



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19 Nov 2017, 1:32 pm

HighLlama wrote:
I can't add much, but will echo the previous poster who mentioned borderline personality disorder. I often feel like a magnet for those individuals, or people with similar boundary issues. Haven't had the stalking aspect, though. I think others gave the right advice and you did the right things. What we'd see as courtesy or politeness (such as politely putting up a boundary, nicely saying no) will only appear as interest to an individual like this guy. I hope his presence has diminished and he's no longer a concern.


I have BPD. It doesn’t mean you don’t know or can’t learn boundaries.



HighLlama
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19 Nov 2017, 4:28 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
I can't add much, but will echo the previous poster who mentioned borderline personality disorder. I often feel like a magnet for those individuals, or people with similar boundary issues. Haven't had the stalking aspect, though. I think others gave the right advice and you did the right things. What we'd see as courtesy or politeness (such as politely putting up a boundary, nicely saying no) will only appear as interest to an individual like this guy. I hope his presence has diminished and he's no longer a concern.


I have BPD. It doesn’t mean you don’t know or can’t learn boundaries.


I agree, and apologize if I offended you. I don't think this individual, regardless of any diagnosis, is going to respect boundaries any time soon.



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19 Nov 2017, 9:54 pm

Fern and Summer_Twilight, those guys are total creeps. Cutting off contact is a good idea. Guys like them can't take a hint and they have no social skills at all. They are desperate for female attention. I had a creep in my neighborhood that had a crush on me for the past five years and he had a crush on another woman in my neighborhood at the same time. The guy is 36 and lived with his parents until he got married this past August and moved in with his wife who he met online. She was from another state and moved to my state to be with the creep. I have no idea what she sees in the guy because he is an annoying creep. I met his wife once and he commented on how long and pretty my hair is right in front of her. Her hair is almost as long as my hair. I haven't seen her since. The creep still shows up at my house occasionally to play basketball with my sister in the hopes of running into me. He isn't attracted to my sister because she dresses like a guy and wears her hair super short. His wife is the same age as my sister(22). I avoid the guy like the plague. I either try not be home when I know he might show up or I stay in my room until he leaves. I have him blocked from seeing my Facebook posts. I blocked his wife from seeing my posts so he can't try to look at my stuff from her account. If I completely block him he would probably whine to my sister about it. I don't want to mess with my sister's friendships.



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24 Nov 2017, 4:07 pm

Elaine, the guy sounds like a d#ck.....you can bet he still wants you if he is still coming around even after he is married.