Betrayal.. NT + AS (undiagnosed) relationship

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Hi all

i;ve been reading the forum the past week and have decided to finally post. Long story short. My boyfriend and I met last year and were doing long distance. I moved to be with him and test things out for 2 months. I became very very close with his family. During the two month period, I had my doubts and uncertainties. I expressed these to my best friend and my mom. A few days before I was set to visit my family in another country, he went through my phone and read all my messages. Another message he found was a message to my coach where I said I think he is a nice person, and would like to hang out as friends with him. My boyfriend took a picture of the message, and feels completely betrayed. We decided to go on a temporary break for the month that I am overseas. We have not spoken, unless I have reached out and apologized profusely, validating his feelings, and reassuring him at every level that I at no point had feelings for anyone else. In his mind, "I was close to cheating". I truly love him, and would never hurt him. It is clear to be he shows many many signs of AS - but has not been diagnosed. He has only been diagnosed with learning disabilities and severe ADHD as a child. His parents have said he is "so stupid" to let me go. He is 32 and still lives at home with his parents. The country where he lives is considered a 3rd world country - so I can see why it has gone undiagnosed....Do I continue to just give him space and time to process his hurt/betrayal? I usually have so much patience, but I feel as though he is punishing me. I asked if we are still together, and he said yes. I asked if he wants to permanently break up, and he said no...but he's not speaking to me or initiating contact unless I do... my close friends and family are telling me I am signing up for a difficult life with him, but I truly and deeply love him and was on my way to moving across the world to be with him etc.

I hate to say it, but breaking it off might be the best option even if you do have feelings for him. I mean you're going to be in for a crappy relationship if he gets this way anytime something upsets him. I mean imagine being in the same house with him while he doesn't talk to you for a month over some little thing. But yeah seems like he is an extremely jealous type...being with him would mean you better not so much as even talk to anyone else of the male gender let alone have any kind of platonic friendship. Also it would mean no privacy, with the whole just checking your private texts at will, I certainly would not appreciate my boyfriend doing that not that I want to hide anything but I'd find it pretty demeaning if he regularly demanded to see my phone to make sure I wasn't up to anything.

Also if he's going to be unreasonable like that, what would happen if you actually made the move to his country, and he got so pissed about something he just throws you out? Then you could end up alone in a foreign country...with no resources to help you.

I'm confused. So you messaged your couch saying your bf is a nice guy and you'd like to hang out as friends with him?

What kinds of doubts and uncertainties did you express to your family that he saw. If I read messages where my gf said she wasn't sure she liked me or it'd work out, I'd probably go distant too. That'd be hurtful to see.

Sweatlesf if you saw messages from your bf he wasn't sure about being with you anymore wouldn't you get upset?

A lot of couples read each other's phones, I'd feel uncomfortable about it and have no desire to read a SO phone but it's quite common thing, most couples don't seem to believe in privacy from each other.