HELP

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After years of suffering from derealization I feel that I have finally pruned and rewired my brain to do whatever it is I'm trying to do. Almost.

You know how important having a rigid future a d a hypersensitive past I'd to us aspies. My brain is pruned in a way that makes it feel very awkward to obtain the rigidity and hypersensitivity that I need. I finally made it back to my world but the only way I could do so seems to not allow for the two things about that world that were the most important.

Care to translate this into human Earth language?

I think that what im trying to say is that I almost feel like my old self again, but in order to really feel like my old self again I need to be very rigid and hypersensitive about things, but it feels too "restricting'

I really need to be rigid and hypersensitive, it's just the way us aspies are. But it just makes things feel out of balance.

I never heard there was any law requiring Aspies to be rigid or hypersensitive.

Am glad to hear you're feeling better than you were.
Now I hope you'll feel even better than that.

Gosh, I totally don't understand this thread at all. Am I the only one?

What frequency do I change my brain to in order to access the rigid, hypersensitive program? I'm current at 9000 Mhz so my brain doesn't interfere with my WIFI.

Ok, it's kinda like this. My brain is absolutely addicted to things like free will and inhibition, but those things just don't work with the philosophical and theological beliefs that I've held so dearly to me my entire life and really don't want to lose

Okay...

"Neurofeedback" is a type of "biofeedback". The last time I even heard of "biofeedback" was when I was watching the Merv Griffin Show back in the Seventies when there was a fad of do it yourself biofeedback machines. John Lennon was a guest and was quite taken the idea when another guest demonstrated a biofeedback gizmo. But haven't heard much about the neuro/bio feedback thing in either science or in pop culture since. Maybe I am just out of the loop.

So let me get this straight.

Are you saying that you have your own do it yourself neurofeedback gizmo (or an ap on your device) that monitors your brain waves?

And that you have been fooling around with this thing in order to manipulate your own brain waves?

And that you are doing this to somehow treat your own ADHD, or your aspergers, or like that?

And that you are doing this on your own with out professional medical supervision?

Sounds useless at best, and at worst...like a recipe for disaster!

I was able to change my brainwaves by meditating. All I'm trying to say is that whatever it is I did to fix whatever it was I was suffering from seems to be what I was looking for, but it works in a way that doesnt allow me to have the sharp emotional compass that I had before, it works in a way that doesnt allow me to think outside the box, and it doesn't allow me to use the sharp sense of confirmation bias that I used to have

I know that I can beat this - I just need myself to recover these things little by little. I know its possible. It's just that my brain is so biased for the way that it's functioning right now that the idea of making permanate changes to it doesn't compute very well. And I used to be able to have all of my plans and expectations for the future absolutely set in stone, which was very deep and theological to me, but now all that does is make me feel like a robot or something. Having rigid hyper reactions to stimuli that I have strong feelings about are the same way - they're supposed to be deep and theological but now they just make me feel like a robot

You should see a professional therapist to talk about all of this.

Sounds like this meditation makes you into a new person who views the old self as locked in a straight jacket.
Maybe that's just growing pains. But I don't wanna "take sides" between your old self, and this new self of yours. Maybe the two of you need a marriage counselor! Lol!

But seriously both this suffering that drove you to meditation, and the good effects, and the upsetting maybe bad effects of this meditation sound like something you need to counselling for.