HELP

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You should see a professional therapist to talk about all of this.

Sounds like this meditation makes you into a new person who views the old self as locked in a straight jacket.
Maybe that's just growing pains. But I don't wanna "take sides" between your old self, and this new self of yours. Maybe the two of you need a marriage counselor! Lol!

But seriously both this suffering that drove you to meditation, and the good effects, and the upsetting maybe bad effects of this meditation sound like something you need to counselling for.

I think I understand what you are conveying. Hypersensitivity to stimuli, thoughts and feelings is the pathway to a clear mind. I felt much more grounded in my adult life when I learned to accept these experiences instead of feeling ashamed of them. Mother nature is no different - lush forests are borne out of fiery volcanic ash and monsoon rains.

I've discovered all sorts of mind tricks for this kind of thing. The only reason why I can't solve it this time is because I feel like I need things that cancel eachother out.

For figuring out this thread, you sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.

Okay, I found a video on YouTube.
It may or may not apply, but it's worth a shot.
And the video was made by an Aspie.

Cancel each other out?

You will hafta elaborate.

But I have known folks who take what I call "head meds" from shrinks. Sometimes they stop taking the meds because sometimes (not always) the cure is worse than the disease. Like a guy I used to know who would hear voices. He took prescribed meds and he would indeed stop hearing the voices, but it made him be "like a vegetable". So he found it preferable to just put up with the voices in his head, and abstain from the medication.

Sounds like your meditation may be the equivalent of psychotropic drugs that have certain side effects.

Can you be more specific about the neurofeedback? Was that with a doctor in a lab? Or a psychologist in an office? Or an instruction manual? Or ... etc.

I feel like the meditation has done more good than bad.

Here's my elaboration on things "canceling eachother out." The meditation seems to work by telling myself to keep myself in a nice relaxed neutral state. It's gotten to the point where that's the only state that feels "realistic" anymore.

But that's not going to fly if I'm going to restore all of my philisophical and theological beliefs that I've held so dear to myself my entire life. These beliefs require for sone things to be extremly rigid in ways that often don't even feel realistic anymore. The same thing goes for having intense automatic reactions to certain stimuli - its very important to my beliefs, but inhibition feels too good. In fact, avoiding the concept of neuroplasticity altogether feels too good.

I've gotten so good at solving these kinds of problems using various mind tricks, I just don't know how to solve the ones that are the most contradictory

It would help if you gave examples of what you're talking about.

Its sounds like you're saying this: my old self would suffer a lot, but I had strong moral/religious judgmental reactions to things. My new self is chilled out and doesn't suffer, but is too chilled out, and my hackles no longer go up about things they used to. So I want to integrate my two selfs (chill non suffering with my old moralistic reactions to things).

But I don't know for sure that's what you're saying. You will hafta get less abstract than you have been with us, and give us some concrete examples of what you're talking about.

Last edited by naturalplastic on 18 Sep 2017, 6:03 am, edited 2 times in total.

Maybe the OP has grown up from his previous moral-philosophical outlook?

I have pantophobia or something - maybe that's not quite it, but it's the best term I can come up with right now. But the hypersensitivity worked to my advantage because it helped form my moral compass and stuff. The rigidity was valuable because lots of people like to have pre-conceived notions about things like what happens when you die. Both sides seem to want these things actually, the problem seems to be that one side loves it when things are "sticky" while the other side hates it, and it seems to work in a way where there's nothing that can be done to satisfy both sides

I think maybe I'm starting to get this now: as you calm down, you're also starting to find cracks in your rigid belief system. This is... not sure what emotion you want... scary? Frustrating? Overwhelming? Because there's no comfort in uncertainty.

I sense that the OP wants to, in a sense, revert back to a previous state where he was more "autistic" than he is now, so he can make use of the "autistic" viewpoint as an alternative, productive viewpoint.

Now, it seems like he feels that society is "shaping him," and weakening the "strength" which his "autistic" viewpoint bought to him.

Kinda. Except that I also want to mix little pieces of the new me in there too. It's gotten to the point where the only thing standing in my way is the fact that the part of me that likes sticky things and the part of me that doesn't like sticky things disagree on things that are impossible to find middle ground to

We need to just be ourselves. Not to have rigid schedules because people say 'all' Aspies do.