I have no idea how to deal with a broken friendship

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone,

Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with broken friendships? I lost a good friend 1.5 years ago and I'm still not over it. Our friendship is broken beyond repair and even though I know we'll never be friends again I miss our friendship so badly. And I just can't cut ties with my old friend... instead I'm stalking her facebook and reading old emails. It's all terribly unhealthy for me but I just can't stop! Does anyone have any advice?

Lea

Focus on new interests and/or meeting new people.
If you're the praying kind, say a prayer for her and give her to God.
It's time to move on.
Who knows? Maybe someday if it's meant to be, things can be repaired between you.
Meanwhile, focus on healing and rebuilding your life.
I really don't know your situation.
Hope you will feel better soon.

What happened? Why did you stop talking.

get new friends

and new hobbies

meditation

delete the old e-mails

I also wonder what happened?

It's super hard to "move on" and "find new friends". I get it. This is someone you love. In my experience, I've found that it's more helpful to shift the focus. Rather than thinking so much about trying to not think about her, shift your attention towards bettering yourself - not for her, but for yourself and for your overall social life and relationships. It might help to reflect on some of the problems you had with her just so you get a clear idea of how you want to change, but the changes should be about improving your own life and making you a better friend to others. I think taking responsibility and being proactive helps with the self pity thing and can help you feel more in control rather than a victim of your own mistakes. Eventually, you may be able to mend things with your friend, but I think it's important to take charge and find growth within yourself. I've found that people don't respond well if you're approaching them from a place of shame, desperation, helplessness, begging for forgiveness, etc. Sometimes you have to take a break from the relationship issue and maybe come back to it later when you've been able to accomplish some inner growth, or else you will just keep running through the same issues over and over.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all your replies! To cut a long story short, our friendship fell apart when we both graduated and my friend became unemployed and had to move back in with her parents while I moved on to do a PhD, got a job at uni etc. I tried to stay in touch but she wouldn't answer any of my emails and got more and more snappy, accusing me of putting her down. It's still pretty hard for me to accept that our friendship ended (it's beyond repair) but I think you're right, I need to focus on getting better and being more comfortable with myself, allowing myself to have new friends etc.

Her being snappy at you is not against you but rather she sounds frustrated that things have panned out for you while they have gone down. From experiences, unemployment comes from dealing with stress and depression. Anything you say during their period of unemployment will set them off.

That's where I am right now. Have compassion for your friend, but not at the expense of having compassion for yourself. Engage in your interests and be patient. Take a break. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve the loss of your friend.

Suggestion: If she has the same qualifications as her, look at possibly employment opportunities that might be suitable for her because as she is looking to network.

If she wants space, leave her alone and let the ball fall in her court.

That's true ... I tried my best to support her, I sent her job ads and really tried my best to be there for her but it all blew up anyway. She even posted something really nasty behind my back on facebook (I'm not on facebook, found out through a mutual friend who sent me screenshots) and I find that just unforgivable. Still, I miss our friendship. I lost almost all of my friends when I was diagnosed with epilepsy last winter so it's pretty hard for me to deal with the situation.

Then it sounds like you have done your part and there is nothing else you can really do at this point as she is choosing to bite the hand that feeds. It sounds like she has some issues with anger and maybe some more regarding remaining offended.

Regarding the nasty things she said about you on facebook, it sounds like she's envious because you are a PhD at a university along with sounding like she doesn't want to move forward. Rather she sounds like a real basket case

I think this sound very onesided friendship where she hasn´t have her heart on the right place. With my own bad experience on friendship I will advice you to try to look in snother direction and not at hers, if she want to come back then you can decide.