a letter to discouraged autistic youth

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keep your head up.. life is hard but when you find yourself hurt and alienated from the world or being told you're hard to handle or that no one can accept you, remember that you don't need to turn it on yourself.. people say and do terrible cruel things but that's because they've been taught to act like that to people who are different from them, not because you're somehow bad or wrong.. sometimes you might feel like giving in and thinking badly of yourself but no one should treat you like that because of your brain. we as humans have this underlying societal assumption that we must fit certain qualifications in order to be acceptable as we are, but it's all bullsh/t. so many people have this us-vs-them mentality, and they're lashing out because they're trying to make a statement about their own identity and where they belong by separating themselves from what they fear, it's all based on ignorance and fear..... but the truth is that humans individually are so deeply different in personality traits and behaviors and values and preferred communication and so on, and that's what makes humans so interesting, those brain differences... people hurt you because they don't understand, and in case you've never heard it before, i'm so sorry for any pain you've been through and the times your feelings and needs have been ignored because of this blindness. no one should feel ashamed of something they were born with, especially not younger people who haven't fully developed a sense of security in their lives. your feelings and needs matter just as much as anyone else's. you may feel alone because many people do not understand you, but there are also people out there who will try. there is not a single human being out there who is without worth, and that includes you.... you deserve to have people around you who will respect you. it gets easier to find these people as you get older, and i hope with that time you will find the confidence to get you where you want to go. in the meantime.. keep your head up

That works.

Hmm.. that reminds me of my rather traumatizing experience with ABA when I was young.

“Desensitization” was the “treatment” that they emphasized the most apart from social skills. Since I was (and still am) sensitive to loud noise and the “therapists” were trained to force autistic behaviors out of people and pretend not to care, they repeatedly forced me to listen to loud noises such as the sound of gas being released from a helium tank. Everything they exposed me to was pure cacophony, a shattering and jarring sensation in my head.

One of my therapists would take me to the mall and force me to ask staffers at stores where the bathroom was. This was both awkward and unnecessary, for I already knew how to do this at the time. It doesn’t help when my therapists urge me to get friends at school. I already have closer friends outside of school, so I do not see why I should be getting a bunch of unnecessary friends.

It’s almost like the “therapists” are just enforcers of society’s harsh rules regarding autism. They must have been trained to disregard an autistic person’s cries for help. You see, whenever I had a meltdown, the therapists would shun me. They may have known that meltdowns make people feel helpless and were trained to ignore that. As a result, I felt unimportant and my self-esteem was destroyed. I had at least two small periods of depression along with stress eating. The stress eating came from my ABA therapists’ use of food as a positive reinforcer. Too bad the therapists were never told about what ABA feels like from an autistic person’s perspective.

It is almost like we are being treated as objects rather than humans. I plan on advocating for autism rights in the future. However, this may be different from what you expect. I want to create a body of autistic people who review the ethical aspects of various autism treatments currently being used.

Long post, sorry!