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slw1990
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18 Sep 2017, 10:48 pm

My boyfriend seems to be acting more distant towards me. He doesn't seem to text or initiate texting as much lately.

I know it's bad to compare yourself to others, but I keep feeling like I'm not good enough. I have trouble keeping conversations going, I'm not good with banter or hiking. I feel like I just have a really dull personality and I think that's what drives people away. I sometimes ask my boyfriend for feedback on what I can do to have a more desirable personality, but I think it might make me sound insecure.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Sep 2017, 9:46 am

What's the question?



Outrider
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19 Sep 2017, 10:26 am

Lol Boo.

How long have you been with him, is this a purely online relationship?

Perhaps that is partly a problem as text changes communicating and can cause a lot of misunderstanding or insecurity.

I think you need to.overcome your shyness and ask if you've said or done anything to upset him in a calm and controlled way. But I don't think you have personally.

If he reacts aggressively or very rudely to an Innocent honest question he may not be the right person for you especially If you haven't been with him for very long.

Less texts and/or no replies means he may be losing interest, but this might not have anything to so with you and be for his own reasons so don't be so hard on yourself.

You need to tell.him if he doesn't already know, that this is all new to you and that you're trying your best.

The right boyfriend is.the one who is understanding of this and is patient with your inexperience ad desnt judge you harshly for mistakes or simply ignore you rather than politely telling you If you've done somethingtp upset or if he is losing interest and wants space or.time apart.

Good luck and I hope it works out to be a good relationship



slw1990
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19 Sep 2017, 12:51 pm

We see each other in person a few times a week so we live near each other.

I think maybe part of it is that I jump to conclusions. I found out that sometimes he doesn't reply to my messages because he falls asleep. I guess maybe I just expect people to push me away.



MaxE
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19 Sep 2017, 7:38 pm

Men and women don't communicate the same way. For example, you might have an episode at work that left you in tears, and if you messaged him about that and hoped his reply would make you feel better, you might be disappointed. But in that case, he would just be acting like a normal guy who thinks whatever reply he gave you is perfectly acceptable.

You two haven't really known each other very long and you have to admit you really don't know each other all that well. Most relationships are probably mostly physical at the beginning - strong emotional ties need time to develop - even though everyone seems to think that order should be reversed.

I had two fairly successful relationships in my early twenties that began with being in each other's presence either constantly or nearly so. I think it helped a lot that there was no need for remote communication in order to stay in touch. When you're with somebody for most of the day and night, you more or less know what's going on with them so you don't have to keep asking them how they're feeling. What I found was that when it came to having to communicate by phone with my partner in a relationship, was the biggest danger zone. That was when misunderstandings and hurt feelings were most likely to happen.

You might just want to try to limit your objectives in texting to confirming when your next meet-up will be. If you haven't already, you should try spending entire weekends together, or even go on trips together for a few days if you can afford it. That should give you the best opportunity to develop your relationship.


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SilverBoltsisWmax
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19 Sep 2017, 8:10 pm

slw1990 wrote:
We see each other in person a few times a week so we live near each other.

I think maybe part of it is that I jump to conclusions. I found out that sometimes he doesn't reply to my messages because he falls asleep. I guess maybe I just expect people to push me away.


How long have you been dating and is he a normie. Because if so he might be attempting to not always be available. For some odd reason that's attractive to normies. Something about the chase and what not. If it's easy he might be afraid you lose desire idk.



kraftiekortie
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19 Sep 2017, 8:11 pm

I didn't know you even had a boyfriend. Congratulations!

How did you meet? Do you really like him very much?



slw1990
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19 Sep 2017, 8:46 pm

Thank you! We met on okc and I like being around him.

SilverBoltsisWmax wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
We see each other in person a few times a week so we live near each other.

I think maybe part of it is that I jump to conclusions. I found out that sometimes he doesn't reply to my messages because he falls asleep. I guess maybe I just expect people to push me away.


How long have you been dating and is he a normie. Because if so he might be attempting to not always be available. For some odd reason that's attractive to normies. Something about the chase and what not. If it's easy he might be afraid you lose desire idk.



We had our first date in June, but didn't start the relationship until early last month.

He's a normie. He's usually the one who initiates when it comes to meeting up. When he takes longer than usual sometimes I mention that he seems to be acting different, but maybe I shouldn't so that I don't seem clingy.



MaxE
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21 Sep 2017, 5:04 am

slw1990 wrote:
He's a normie. He's usually the one who initiates when it comes to meeting up. When he takes longer than usual sometimes I mention that he seems to be acting different, but maybe I shouldn't so that I don't seem clingy.
Maybe you should initiate more often. Guys like to be reassured that their partner wants to be with them and misses them when they're not around. Despite having to be the one "chasing". On the other hand, they have to act unconcerned because they don't want to be considered "needy". In fact, it's not unusual for a guy to be dumped because their ex found them to be needy. Whereas in reality, most guys (clearly this does not include someone like Justin Bieber but does include most guys you're likely to meet) are needy to some extent.


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kraftiekortie
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21 Sep 2017, 8:06 am

As long as you don't text and call him 24/7, you don't ask him for money all the time, and you don't ask him where he is at all times, you probably won't seem clingy.

Men like women who openly express affection for them. I know I do.



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21 Sep 2017, 8:26 am

If my girlfriend never initiated I would honestly start losing interest.



kraftiekortie
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21 Sep 2017, 8:50 am

Now....let me emphasize....only show affection for the guy if you feel like showing affection for the guy.

There's no use "faking it."

The ultimate "showing of affection" would occur if you, all of a sudden, sat on the guy's lap.



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23 Sep 2017, 9:13 pm

If you've been together for a bit he may just be settling in a comfort zone and no longer feels like he has to put the same efforts as before to keep your interest. It's not a bad thing, I understand that's just how relationship works (don't take my word for it tho, it's just hearsay :P ). If he's not actively pushing you away (through, say, passive aggressive behavior), I'd say you're just moving into a post-infatuation stage that should in fact be more stable. Hope for you I'm right :)



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Sep 2017, 1:08 am

Closet Genious wrote:
If my girlfriend never initiated I would honestly start losing interest.


Same here.



Sabreclaw
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24 Sep 2017, 6:37 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
If my girlfriend never initiated I would honestly start losing interest.


Same here.


And here. I'd feel like she's not really interested in me and I'm just barking up the wrong tree. It takes both parties to keep a relationship going.



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28 Sep 2017, 9:11 am

He might really love you. Men don't always say what they should.


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