My 20's were wasted

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Last edited by Raleigh on 22 Sep 2017, 8:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I fortunately do not do that. I just hope she won't decide I am a "freak" once she learns I have depression and have been a failure in the romance department for almost 30 years.

There are many men out there who have not exactly been "sterling" in the romance department. Many of these men are NT's.

So what? You're dealing with different personalities. No one thinks the same. You can't predict anyone's next actions or thoughts. I can't even predict yours.

I know, I'm 23 but I feel like the last 8-9 years of my life was wasted, sadly getting the kind of help needed would be really hard as many people believe that if you just give people advice a light bulb will just appear over your head and you learn the skills needed.

What a lot of people tend to not realize or forget is that social skills is a LEARNED skill! Just like math, english, science, etc. I had people in my math class that if they asked me how to do an equation and I just said "do this, this, and this" without showing them they would get it wrong again, and again, ...and again! They just don't know math like I do so maybe I can just be told what to do but others might learn visually and need a lot of one-on-one training to figure out how to do said skill.(such as those with dyscalculia.)

Many people just don't have the patience or time to teach someone social skills! Many people also don't understand that it isn't lack of experience, it's that we don't know what we are doing and get rejected.

Honestly the way I'm feeling right now unless through god's intervention or I get lucky and happen to run into someone that wish to help me, I'm screwed!

One thing a social worker suggested I do would be to yell "STOP!" (in private) whenever a self-deprecating thought appeared and replace it with a positive one. For example,
I had a friend who dumped me with no explanation like I had the plague.
STOP!
I have an awesome family who loves me.

I had a bad day at Softball and should quit playing.
STOP!
I am second on the team in batting average. Not bad for a "loser".

Reading your posts makes it clear you are in the same position I was in at the age of 29 (except the Costco job: they rudely turned me down and I found a better job) and wish I could just download everything I learned onto your brain. Alas in life, some things have to be done the hard way. Keep seeking as you are on the right path.

Costco's really not a bad place to work.

One positive thing I can say about my crazy ex and her ridiculous paranoia about me cheating on her was the fact she admitted "for someone who was a virgin you are really good". It's really not that hard to figure out and lots of guys assume too much based on their past experiences.

AquaineBay does make a good point in that there should be social/romantic skills classes taught by successful couples. There are similar things here but they are for new immigrants learning English. A lot of this stuff is learned and yes, I fell flat on my face more than once, even with my own wife. How I wish I could have a do-over on the 4th date!!

Not really sly, I wouldn't consider myself to be in a good job anymore (same job same pay for over 10 years) and I worked at this job for 5 years before landing my first relationship (and I probably would have been better off single). The job certainly didn't get me the wife although there is no question the #1 question women ask is almost always about employment.

I feel like I wasted my 20s too. I didn't have the social skills to make things happen. Now I'm older there's no single men left and no one to, for want of a better phrase, use my new skills on.

I wish I'd just asked out that guy who was nice, but seemed shy. He's married now with kids. He might have said yes. I just thought he wasn't interested. Oh well. That was 12 years ago.

Good enough yiu can afford home, car and to pay the $40 a month eharmony charges.
Certainly better then min wage. I make 10.75 which is .25 more then min wage in my state.
It's usually the first and last thing women ask me

Life can start in 30s trust me, it is only important to have positive attitude and initiative!

So stop wasting time, start living right now bro!

" Instead of dating, having sex, and getting engaged like so many people I know around me did, I was deprived of those things and everything that I tried to do in order to get out of the rut ended in failure"

What's interested is what you just said could also ruin people's lives and make them miserable. Having a bunch of sex isn't fun if you get women pregnant that you don't like nor could you afford to support. Imagine if you got laid a lot but had three children by 20 with no degree and a sh***y job? Not so great now, is it? Make bad sex choices can backtrack your whole life. You might not ever be able to afford to better yourself with an education and learn a trade. If you're a virgin in your 20's but got a good education, skills, and a good job, that would be anything but a waste. I will take that exchange any day of the week. Sometimes great things come to those later in life. Be successful and alone or poor with kids? Not a hard decision to make.

I wish for that, too. It feels like you have to say the right words and even just one wrong sentence will strike you out. When I tried speed dating, saying "I work only part time." or "I still live at home." meant I already lost before the round was over.

I am not a virgin but I don't have anything above a high school diploma, I don't have any technical skills, and I have a crappy job.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't have anything going for me nor anything to live for.