My 20's were wasted

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exy34
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25 Sep 2017, 11:06 am

Marknis wrote:

I am almost 30 and I feel like my 20's were wasted. Instead of dating, having sex, and getting engaged like so many people I know around me did, I was deprived of those things and everything that I tried to do in order to get out of the rut ended in failure. I feel like I am damaged and malfunctioning but I can't be treated. Even if I do become confident, it will be too late because my empty past (Except for one real relationship that didn't last) will mark me as "strange" or even a serial killer in waiting.

Life can start in 30s trust me, it is only important to have positive attitude and initiative!

So stop wasting time, start living right now bro!

Homer_Bob
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25 Sep 2017, 1:44 pm

" Instead of dating, having sex, and getting engaged like so many people I know around me did, I was deprived of those things and everything that I tried to do in order to get out of the rut ended in failure"

What's interested is what you just said could also ruin people's lives and make them miserable. Having a bunch of sex isn't fun if you get women pregnant that you don't like nor could you afford to support. Imagine if you got laid a lot but had three children by 20 with no degree and a sh***y job? Not so great now, is it? Make bad sex choices can backtrack your whole life. You might not ever be able to afford to better yourself with an education and learn a trade. If you're a virgin in your 20's but got a good education, skills, and a good job, that would be anything but a waste. I will take that exchange any day of the week. Sometimes great things come to those later in life. Be successful and alone or poor with kids? Not a hard decision to make.

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Marknis
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25 Sep 2017, 5:59 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

Marknis wrote:

I fortunately do not do that. I just hope she won't decide I am a "freak" once she learns I have depression and have been a failure in the romance department for almost 30 years.

One positive thing I can say about my crazy ex and her ridiculous paranoia about me cheating on her was the fact she admitted "for someone who was a virgin you are really good". It's really not that hard to figure out and lots of guys assume too much based on their past experiences.

AquaineBay does make a good point in that there should be social/romantic skills classes taught by successful couples. There are similar things here but they are for new immigrants learning English. A lot of this stuff is learned and yes, I fell flat on my face more than once, even with my own wife. How I wish I could have a do-over on the 4th date!!

I wish for that, too. It feels like you have to say the right words and even just one wrong sentence will strike you out. When I tried speed dating, saying "I work only part time." or "I still live at home." meant I already lost before the round was over.

Marknis
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25 Sep 2017, 6:01 pm

Homer_Bob wrote:

I am not a virgin but I don't have anything above a high school diploma, I don't have any technical skills, and I have a crappy job.

Marknis
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25 Sep 2017, 6:03 pm

exy34 wrote:

Marknis wrote:

Life can start in 30s trust me, it is only important to have positive attitude and initiative!

So stop wasting time, start living right now bro!

I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't have anything going for me nor anything to live for.

jrjones9933
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25 Sep 2017, 6:03 pm

Only reveal that if asked by someone in a speed date. Come up with a short, entirely positive summation of yourself, and ask the other person questions. Use the experience as data, not as evidence of future success.

ETA: I spend loads of time telling myself, "It's just data. It's just data."

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Belushi87
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25 Sep 2017, 6:33 pm

i know the feeling. i'm almost 30 and i'm no where near where i want to be in my life. i thought that i would be in a committed relationship and working in a career i love, but i'm so far from getting any of those.

kraftiekortie
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25 Sep 2017, 7:30 pm

I would try to avoid "speed dating."

I don't understand why people do it, actually.

One cannot get at the true essence of a person under this format.

Marknis
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26 Sep 2017, 1:39 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:

I've been conditioned to see things as something I need to win or I strike out of them. I couldn't find my balance on a skateboard so I never tried again. I failed an art class and didn't try again because I thought I had found my niche but failing it made me feel like I wasn't meant to do art. I couldn't protect myself against the school bullies so I felt like I would never win a fight and avoided physical confrontations.

I go through the day wanting a girlfriend but the day ends with me still being single. I feel like I shouldn't even continue existing.

jrjones9933
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26 Sep 2017, 1:42 pm

Marknis wrote:

jrjones9933 wrote:

If you understand how to do conditioning, you're halfway to a new condition.

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green0star
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26 Sep 2017, 4:41 pm

Don't feel bad, I spent 3 and a half years as a shut in after graduating high school (: I was way too apathetic to date but even so I have no regrets.

Marknis
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27 Sep 2017, 11:14 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:

Marknis wrote:

jrjones9933 wrote:

If you understand how to do conditioning, you're halfway to a new condition.

At this point, I'd rather kill myself than wait another year.

wanderlust77
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28 Sep 2017, 2:20 am

I know you said when you fail you quit, but could you start to learn some new skills?
There's a website called freecodecamp, when you finish you get a web developer certificate and already have some webpages and apps built in your portfolio. It's completely free and you can do it at home online.
It's also a very helpful community if you get stuck.

I know you don't want to wait another year but if you couldn't get a girlfriend at your current state, what do you think will change? Nothing.

RetroGamer87
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28 Sep 2017, 8:22 am

Marknis wrote:

My 20s were also wasted. I didn't have sex until I was 28. Most people have sex in their teens. My teens were also wasted.

I didn't even try until I was about 25. When I was a teenager girls used to ask me out on dates and I'd say no because of social anxiety. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, :wall:

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RetroGamer87
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28 Sep 2017, 8:42 am

Marknis wrote:

Life can start in 30s trust me, it is only important to have positive attitude and initiative!

Yes but if I do something at 31 that someone else did when they were 19 does that mean I'm immature compared to them?

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kraftiekortie
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28 Sep 2017, 9:21 am

Not necessarily.

I don't feel "immature" because I got my drivers' license at age 37, when most people get it at 18 or so.

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