Bad Life Lessons from Neurotypical Neighbours.

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As a person who is wierd and has poor social skills, apparently I should be observing the "normal" people around me for clues about socially acceptable behaviour. Fortunately, I have some living right above me! Things I've learned from them:

1: When vacuuming the entire flat at 10PM, put on very loud music so no-one is disturbed by the sound of the Hoover.
2: If you and your partner struggle to find a compromise about something, try using even worse insults. Eventually one of you will "win", as signified by the other storming out of the flat at midnight.
3: When your baby is crying, the best way to calm it down is to scream at it. If that doesn't work, try sarcasm. Still at your wit's end? Have another baby!
4: When you've flooded the kitchen of the flat below, give two entirely contradictory accounts of how it happened so even your horribly confused autistic neighbour can tell you're lying.

What gems of normal-person wisdom have you learned from YOUR neighbours?

Sounds like the results of cheaply built building... I can't hear my neighbors, even when their having a party. I live in a modern high rise for what it's worth.

Those sound like some really sh*tty neighbors.

It's OK to let your dogs bark at the neighbors' dogs at 7 in the morning on weekends so long as the dogs stay out of the garden that borders one side of your yard. (Our next-door neighbors and neighbors that share part of the back fence of both ours and our next-door neighbors' yard both had terriers, and it got very noisy when they were all out at once. I don't think the back neighbors have dogs anymore.)

If the dogs do get into the garden barking at your next-door neighbor's dog, the best solution is to yell at them while they completely ignore you until your neighbor successfully distracts her dog and gets him away from the fence so your dogs lose interest.

Also from people around the neighborhood, cleaning up after your dog is optional - no one will know whose dog made that mess anyway. (Every time my dog tries to sniff at another dog's leavings, I'm afraid someone will see and then accuse me of not cleaning up after my dog, when actuality I clean up after him every time - one time I forgot to grab bags beforehand and didn't realize until he did his thing almost exactly halfway through our walking route, so I went home, got a bag, and went back and cleaned it up. He essentially got a double walk that time.)

And don't even get me started on what people think you should do when you see a service dog on duty - I could write a novel on that (I've got to say, though, the time several teenage guys were trying to surreptitiously peer around a corner in the grocery store (but actually only making themselves more conspicuous in their attempts to be stealthy) to stare at my dog while I was getting feminine hygiene products was pretty embarrassing... but it's funny now, it's OK to laugh )

Have loud, drunken fights
Let your animals roam free, not taking care of them
Get drunk and throw up on the grass in full view of everyone
Play loud, annoying music
Throw your beer cans/broken bottles on the lawn

(I had all of these when I lived in an apartment when I was in college. The people next door were really trashy.)

Be a complete chav prick.

I learned if you live in an apartment & the walls are thin & your a father sleeping with your kid daughter, it's OK to yell late at night things like "Stop moving", "I don't want to feel your body against mine", "I'm trying to sleep", "I'll kick you out of here if you don't stop"

Stand outside your house and scream at your partner until they are out of sight.
Put a bark collar on your dog that zaps them every time they bark so they yelp painfully, louder than they ever barked and keep the collar on for months, even though it doesn't seem to be working.
Start your chainsaw and mower at 10pm to check if they're fixed.

Great posts.
I agree with all of the above... but most of all, make sure you drink loads of alcohol. Start early in the morning and keep at it regardless. It really brings out your very best qualities.