Oh yes indeed, I often wish I didn't give a flying f**k. I get so sick of the way I try so hard not to offend. I can't even remove a cat that's ensconced itself between me and my laptop unless I lure it away with a cat treat, a tiny box of which I keep in my pocket for just such an event. One of these days my ingenuity for such workarounds is going to fail, and then where will I be? In a nutshell, I'm too soft.
But the wish to be a complete bastard is only so extreme because I know it's never going to come true, like a lot of wishes. I suppose I'll have to make do with working towards a healthy level of assertiveness and good realtime communication skills. I'd also like to toughen my friends up to the point where they can cope with the occasional bit of vitreol from me.....like attracts like so I'm stuck with a load of softies who seem to find it impossible to stand up to me in the right way, they pretend everything I say is fine but I'm sure a lot of my cutting humour annoys them, and I get all welled up with guilt and paranoia when I sense I've gone too far. I feel it's unhealthy for anybody to bottle all their aggression. I thought of killing Hitler to get it out of my system and do the world a favour, but I gather it's too late. Maybe I could take a leaf out of Dexter's book?
25 Sep 2017, 5:12 am
