I feel like no one wants me to have a girlfriend

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I seem to be getting dragged back down into apologetics lately.

The world as God created it was perfect. The world as it exists is the result of man’s attempt to improve on perfection. God’s intervention in THIS world is merely a compromise to make a fallen creation at least livable. Because of that, evil people succeed and good people fail. The only question that really matters is what you do with God.

But yeah, it can seem that way. Could always be worse. If there was a “better” way, we might not even be here.

In a twisted way, I'm a bit jealous. I wish people in my life would stop telling me that I'm going to "find someone". They almost seem disappointed that I'm not trying to dress up or wear make up to catch someone. I was abandoned by my ex-fiance two months ago and am still suffering from PTSD because of what he did, so why would I want to put myself in that situation all over again?

Having said that, though, it's not cool that people in your life don't seem supportive of you trying to find a girlfriend. If you want to date someone, you should be able to without judgment or people trying to tell you otherwise. I will give some advice, though. Don't get into a relationship for the sake of having a partner. I learned the hard way that it's better to be alone than to be with someone who will ruin your life. Given the choice between being in a bad relationship or having none at all, I'd pick the second option in a heartbeat.

Also, I can sympathize: I've been in the Bible Belt for almost two months and it sucks. I've literally been told by my family to hide the fact that I'm an atheist so people won't discriminate against me. That's just lame.

So we don't live in the best of all possible worlds? I guess that means Leibniz was wrong.

When it comes to classical debates on God, theodicy murders all arguments against God. I suppose you could try and come up with some imaginative ways to dispute it, but theodicy does make things difficult for the anti-theist.

But Leibniz...yeah, I actually do like his best of all possible worlds argument. I saw an atheist try to take that one apart and not really do well with it. But then it occurred to me God already created a better world than this one, so saying this world is the best possible one is wrong. The introduction of sin in the world changes the nature and dynamic of the post-Eden world. So Leibniz is only correct in the sense that this world is the best IF AND ONLY IF you assume sin is a necessary component of nature.

Evolution is a fact of nature backed by overwhelming evidence. Far more than for a talking snake and a woman made from a rib.

Hahahahahahahahaha...

I feel like that.

Most of the people who tell me this are other single women who have given up. They feel threatened that I'm still looking. It's like my being normal and keeping looking is taken as a kick in the face. Like I'm saying they're losers.

I don't care what they do as long as they let me do what I want. But they keep saying I should just be content and that it'll happen at the right time.

But then guys on here tell me that if women don't make a move how are men meant to know I'm interested.

I'm confused and upset. All advice is contradictory and it doesn't matter anyway because whenever I like someone they never like me and ask someone else out instead.

I'm supposed to be ok with that? I'm supposed to be content with that? I'm supposed to feel ok that men think I'm an ugly nothing?

Why am I never good enough?

My friends don't want me to be hurt I guess. But I feel like they just want to ignore my feelings because my feelings make them uncomfortable. My words make them realise what unlikable failures they themselves are and they don't want to see that ugly reality.

I definitely don't want a partner just to feel like I fit in or am "normal". I just want someone special to share my life with. I won't just accept any woman. Someone with a bad personality or hyper religious just wouldn't work out at all.

Bible Belters think atheism is the same as Satanism. That should tell you how backwards and stupid the majority of the population is here.



Care to prove how he's wrong instead of just mocking him to cover the fact you don't have an intelligent rebuttal to his post?

The fossil record isn't just layers of bones. It shows the natural progressuon of life throughout Earth's history. Evidence for speciation has also been observed: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/rea ... evolve-etc

I do have to admit, being in Arkansas for even just a few months has certainly my decision to never date again much, much easier!

I've seen a bit of Bible Belt discrimination against my atheist brother, but he goes out of his way to be rude to Christians, even if they didn't do anything in the first place. He threw a fit once and ranted to me about what a terrible parent our other brother was just because our niece said she liked to read the bible. None of my Mormon friends in Utah treated me any differently when I admitted to them that I no longer believe in religion. I thought maybe I'd at least have a chance to fit in because I'm so much nicer than he is to religious people!

It's really good that you're not looking for someone just for the sake of having companionship. One of my friends back in my old state, who also has Asperger's, was trying to find love because he felt like he needed to have a girlfriend. He even specifically said that was why he wanted one. He was depressed for several months when he did find a girl and it turned sour because neither of them really took the time to find out if they were compatible or not.

Sorry to hear.

Southern culture can be difficult to adjust to. I don’t believe that hiding your atheism is the way to go. The trick is to just not be open or “in your face” about it unless there’s a reason for it to come up. Like if someone is giving you a hard time about going to church with them or something. Just say “we’re not really church people” or gently say “I don’t believe in God and would rather not discuss it if you don’t mind.” Southern people take a little more time to accept outsiders, but they will warm up to you.

I’m a Christian myself and a lifelong Southerner, with the exception of 2 years at SUNY for grad school. Southern people are more diverse than we let on. In my experience, the strict sense of etiquette comes across as judgmental and disingenuous, whereas New York people have a sarcasm and brutal honesty that oddly helped me feel more at home than I ever did in Mississippi. Southern people really ARE that nice, it’s not an act. But we have trouble understanding sometimes that the mannerisms of outsiders aren’t deliberately malicious.

Southern life happens at a much slower pace than elsewhere. It can really try your patience if you aren’t used to it. I do hope your experience improves with time. I for one am here if you just need to vent, and I’ll offer any advice I can to help make things easier.

You mentioned Mormons...do you come from a Mormon family? I believe every ex-Mormon I’ve known went entirely anti-religion.

My siblings and I grew up Mormon. Only my sister is still active in the church. One of my brothers is extremely anti-religion, and it gets annoying. Funny enough, the other brother is now a devout Christian, but very openminded of other people's beliefs. He and I can talk about my lack of beliefs and his personal beliefs in downright pleasant conversations, with neither of us trying to sway the other person. I call myself a "live and let live" person. I'm not ever going to criticize somebody's religion, unless a key principle of their church is something that deliberately hurts people. It has to be an actual, concrete rule in their church specifically created to hurt someone (like the FLDS church and their fairly new "seed bearers" policies) and could result in excommunication if not followed. That's the kind of stuff I would speak out against.

I'm actually the only member of my family who didn't grow up in the South. My dad was in the military, so I was born in Alaska and grew up in Tampa, Florida before moving to be with my mom in Utah when I was about 15. I moved here about two months ago because my ex-fiance abandoned me (broke up with me through my MOTHER'S phone after he snuck all of his things out of our apartment) and I couldn't afford to stay in Utah, so my dad and stepmom are helping me get back on my feet by paying for an apartment while I look for a job.

The only real direct exposure to Southern culture I've ever had was visiting grandparents for a couple of weeks during the summer. They certainly were not stereotypically Southern, so it's weird actually living here and seeing the rest of the Bible Belt outside of that little pocket.

Funny enough, you may have accidentally made me realize why my stepmom and I constantly rub each other the wrong way. She is born and bred Southern, fits the "old South plantation owner's daughter" stereotype rather than the "ignorant redneck in a trailer" stereotype. I grew up in a big city outside of the South AND I have Asperger's. Not only am I clashing with her by being an outsider who does things that are considered, "rude" in her world, but I also don't have the social capabilities to adapt to the level of sociability that she expects from everyone around her. She doesn't realize the second part, though, so she sees it as me deliberately not changing instead of me not being able to adapt to her requests.

Last edited by MarissaKay on 05 Oct 2017, 11:20 pm, edited 4 times in total.

My dear, if Evolution were a real thing - you would have a girlfriend.

Evolution right now is essentially a very popular religion.

I read Darwin's Origin Of Species when I was 10, and I loved it.

I espoused and defended Evolution for years amongst my peers - until I started to see the holes in the Theory.

I saw that Darwin espoused a theory in which Human females are genetically-predisposed to be attracted to the fittest of the species. (Strongest, fastest, smartest)

My brother, who is also Autistic, is tall, with muscles and is a First Degree Black-Belt in Shotokan Karate.

He is also the nicest guy you will ever meet.

Despite being tall, muscular and handsome, he can't get a girlfriend, either.

He's kind and gentlemanly, but shy - and he asks girls out, but it never works out.

When I was younger and studying Evolution, I started to notice the reproductive-habits of anatomically-modern Human females.

I noticed them (on a large scale) reproducing with males that were dumb, weak and unhealthy.

These males did drugs, which filled their bodies with toxins, and were abusive to women - to the point where a woman could be potentially killed before or during pregnancy.

Why is this important?

Evolution is predicated on Darwin's theory of Sexual Selection.

Darwin's theory states that generations of Humans survive by passing on superior-genes to future generations.

Survival of the fittest.

Unfortunately - Darwin's theories and Reality, are two different things.

When you peel yourself away from your Evolution-bible.. er.. textbook, you will see a world in which multitudes of women fill Battered-Shelters in every state and every country.

At a level which is epidemic, women frequently choose to reproduce with men who can potentially kill them, before they have the ability to give birth.

This is Counter-Productive to Evolution - since "superior genes" cannot be carried to the next generation - if there is no next generation.

This problem is further complicated by the fact that women largely are not reproducing with the fittest of the species.

They are echewing strong, handsome, nurturing and intelligent males - and instead are reproducing with males who are mentally and or physically weak specimens, who are unhealthy due to the drug usage.

This happens on a largely noticeable scale enough, that many young men such as yourself are dealing with its effects.

There of course, other huge holes in Evolution, such as an incomplete fossil-record and carbon-dating methods that are only accurate up to some many thousands of years.

But the largest, most obvious proof that Evolution is someone's Classroom-Project that was turned into a crypto-Religion, is the reproductive-habits of many women - and how they directly-contradict Evolution.

You yourself Marknis appear to be a handsome, sweet young man and yet you can't get a girlfriend despite this.

You are strong, you are fast, you are smart.

And yet the women around you are reproducing with men whose kidney's are approaching failure due to overconsumption of alcohol.

You are intellectual, and yet all the women around you are choosing to reproduce with closed-minded dullards.

This, is referred to, as a contradiction.

If Evolution were real, you would have a girlfriend, and your brothers might not be married or have children.

The reason you choose to support Evolution is understandable - because you have grown to hate the people who believe (ironically, correctly) that Evolution is false.

You understandably reject Christianity and support Evolution, because of your experience with them.

However - if Evolution was real - then that would validate their opinions of you being a failure, because they have been successful with reproduction and you have not.

If Evolution is real, then you are Genetically-Unfit and all your worst fears about yourself are validated through Darwin's theory.

If God is real, then you have untapped potential and God has been waiting for you to allow Him to show you everything you truly are.

“If”?

Awesome post, btw.

Sorry to hear about your ex and that situation. You seem like a fairly determined person, so I’m sure you’ll be back on your feet soon!

To me, the hardest part of being Southern is the language. We tend to say the opposite of what we really mean. Like, I know you’ve heard this one by now: “Bless your heart.” Translation: “Eat $#¡+.” lol Everything is code for something else, and once you catch on to that, conversation isn’t so bad. My mother is a product of Mississippi farmers while my father was more the blue collar type. Neither came from much money, but both believed in hard work and maintained a lower middle class lifestyle. So I grew up using racial slurs thinking it was ok because EVERYONE did it, while my mom literally beat that habit out of me. That pointed me more in the sophisticated direction than the ignorant redneck side, though I identify more with rednecks than I do Delta farmers.

Anyway...I’m sorry to hear about all the drama you’ve had to deal with. This isn’t the religion forum obviously, but yours is the closest thing I’ve seen to a “human” post on your position, and I’d enjoy hearing more of how you left the church/faith. I’ve noticed that Mormons and JW’s seem to have the hardest time leaving, so posts like yours always grab my attention. As a Christian, my first instinct is to invite them to church services (I’m Southern Baptist), and then I realize that’s the LAST thing they need. Typically it’s a bad experience that caused them to get out in the first place, so how can they reasonably expect my church to be any better? I don’t know if that’s your story, but I used to see that a lot.

Most Mormons I’ve known were outwardly very happy people, another reason I’m fascinated by this. I did work with one who kept this silly smile plastered on her face when I could plainly tell she really hated her job. I kept wanting to ask her if that didn’t hurt her cheeks! This seems more genuine with other Mormons, but WOW was she a miserable person. I’ll save my religious critiques for a better time and place, but I’ve always wondered if that’s a thing within Mormon culture.

Yes, "if".

I actually agree with Marknis's views on hypocritical-Christians.

I want Marknis to know that God loves him and that He has been sharing Marknis's pain this whole time.

It's just that people don't know that God needs their permission to be in their life.

God needs your permission.

He has been waiting to have a relationship with you.

God wants to be revealed to you.

That's why God can't be "proven" through limited fallible-Human-scientific-standards.

And that is also why it is an "if".

Thank you.

I'd kind of struggled with my faith for years. I became active again at 16 because I was dating a guy who was extremely devout. I'd tried to believe in the church, but I just couldn't. I kept going even after I broke up with that particular boyfriend, but then 2015 happened.

The church said that children of same-sex couples could not be baptized into the Mormon church until they turned 18. Even then, they needed to renounce the "lifestyle" of their parents and still get approval from the highest authorities. Typically, all children in the faith are baptized at the age of 8.

I'm a proud ally for the LGBT community. I decided that I couldn't be a member anymore and still feel like a good ally. I don't hold anyone to my personal standard of "ally", because we're all different: what works for for me doesn't necessarily work for everyone else, and that's how it should be.

I also didn't feel like it was right for the children to be denied something just because their parents were the same gender. The kid's done nothing wrong, but they are going to be treated differently because they're the only one in Primary (Sunday School for kids under the age of 12) who can't be baptized. I didn't think it was very Christlike of the leaders to do that to them. There were other reasons I decided that I didn't believe in the church any longer, but the policy change was the final nail in the coffin for me.

Some still are members even though they're against this policy, like my sister. She cried when it happened and I think she is probably still struggling with it. I don't judge her or anyone else who hated the policy and chose to stay. For one thing, none of them personally made the policy; it was a leader who wrote it and announced it. Some Mormons hold onto the fact that this policy was "of man" rather than decreed by God. I know they have other reasons for staying, too, but that isn't my business to ask. It would hurt my feelings for people to judge me just for being an atheist, so why on earth would I judge someone for believing in God? Prejudice is nothing but a dark cycle, and I don't want to be a part of it.

I like hearing about people's faith, unless they are mocking me for being different and they actively and obviously try to change my stance. I've encouraged my Mormon friends who still believe to share their testimonies and experiences with me still, because I know that's part of who they are as people. I may not believe in the same things, but this is so important to them. I don't think I could truly say I respected them if I didn't allow them to talk about an important part of themselves.

And hey, they're not hurting anybody by telling me about good things that happened in church or something they liked in a scripture. They aren't hurting me by sharing their own personal revelations about things. I'm always just happy that they feel comfortable in confiding in me, even with the knowledge I don't feel the same way.

Some of them do worry that I'll interpret their stories as them trying to re-convert me. I think it's sweet of them that they don't want to feel like they're pushing me. It's showing a lot of consideration and respect for my differences. I always assure them that I can tell when someone just wanting to share something or when they are trying to shame me.

Mormons believe in the big picture of existence. They are often in the mindset of, "These are trials that are hard, but I can bear it because I know things will be better in the next life", and they believe that mortal life is miniscule compared to what's to come next. I think that's the big reason why so many of them are really upbeat and smiley. Well, that and antidepressants (joking, of course).

Hope that helps a little bit, and I really hope I made sense!

Last edited by MarissaKay on 06 Oct 2017, 2:00 am, edited 4 times in total.