how to use dating sites?

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You have to be yourself. Whatever that means to you. That is the number one thing.

I don't know if you are conscious of your own thought processes, I am. Except during meltdowns.

You can show a bit of yourself or your interests via the Avatar. Right? People who like that sort of thing will ask about it. Or people that are curious. Same with the screen name.

We had a nice conversation about your avatar, the Lesser Jerboa. You can do the same with other people who have an avatar that you find interesting. Ask about it. They picked out. What is it? What does it mean to them?

I love love love the colors in Yoshie's avatar. I love birds, so Calandale is seen as favorable, just from the avatar. GoonSquad's name is an Elvis Costello song, and I like Elvis Costello. I have seen that picture somewhere, but it was on a site that I didn't like. So I have a slight negative view of that picture, due to the association. This is all conscious thought.

Keeping those things on a conscious level allows me to see when I am giving someone an advantage or disadvantage they shouldn't have. It's like the Halo Effect. I have to figure out why I am doing that, and be sure I am not blinded to what they are really saying.

I know that folks here say they have a hard time socially. I know I say that too. When I think about social things, I start to stress about it. I get anxious. I don't know what I am supposed to do.

BUT, when I simply am myself, I do okay. As does EVERYONE ELSE HERE. All the people that I've read here, all the posts, I wouldn't say anyone has a social problem. People are having discussions. People are talking about experiences. Hopes, dreams, jobs, life, the weather, funny things, posting pictures. It's all the same stuff that goes on in NT world, on other sites, in daily life.

Your avatar and name can say a lot about you. So can theirs. I figure one just talks about whatever interests them, until one reaches a deal-breaker. Something that you feel opposite about. Something you cannot be around. And that might be in the first conversation or 15 years later.

I love cats. I will probably always have cats. If someone was allergic to cats, that's a deal-breaker. As far as a personal, in-depth relationship goes, but it would be fine for a friendship online. I don't have to worry about them sneezing or being miserable online, because I have a cat in my lap right now.

You did GREAT on yesterday's conversation between you and I. It was fun. It was thoughtful. It had flow. It had exchange. I think that's the way it's supposed to be. I didn't feel like I had to say anything, I said things that I wanted to say. I didn't feel self-conscious at all. I didn't feel like I was stumbling along.

You can review that conversation and think about it's components, on a conscious level. You can tell me if those were the things you felt too. Or if there was a point that you were uncomfortable. Again, thinking about it consciously now, it will help you in the future. It will help me too.

We don't often get genuine feedback on our conversations. Perhaps we need that in order to become better conversationalists.

I don't really have alot of personal experience about dating sites, but:

1) This "dating sates are unsuccessful" is a wrong, but popular belief. I read a study, that 94% of all people meeting each other having a prior internet relationship, were still going out 6 months later. The emphasis here is of course, meeting... So in my mind, it doesnt make too much sense to chat with someone living 8 hours apart from you. It may be fun, but realistically, nothing can emerge from it.

2) If you are male, you must be active. If you are female, you need to be Maybe that's the best thing you can learn from online dating: Being active, always writing people first and then dealing with the rejection, when many of them dont ever write back. This is somewhat similiar to real life.

3) Dont play a role. Dont have fear. In the internet, aspies are actually among the people with the most social skill. Over time you will learn which kind of questions come up often, which is quite similiar to the real world.
Just make you sure you arent chatting for years, and try to establish a meeting in the real world quickly.

4) Dont use email or private messages, rather some real-life chat like ICQ, and after time try getting a phone number or Skype or anything. Anything else really is a waste of time.

Oh an never pay for a dating site, it's nonsense.

I find that the free and public discourse
on this site is far more conducive to
making friendships than what could
be expected at a dating or friendship
site. Still, the dating places allow for
locality, which is a major issue.

Perhaps each city should have it's
own public forum, and people should
enjoy the semi-annonymous (sp?)
speech therin.