I feel like I'm too far gone

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I was going to post this in L&D, but it's more of a haven thing.

I know that being positive and drawing other people to me (either for friendship or romance) is something that I have to work on, but I just feel like I'm too far gone. I'm past the point of no return.

I've got 2 groups of friendly acquaintances, the married people who just don't understand and single women who have given up and have no motivation to improve their lives in general.

I feel like I'm in a vacuum. It's over and there's no point cultivating a better attitude, well I suppose I'd be happier if I did, but I can't even see the daylight at the top of the pit I've fallen down. I don't even understand how I got down here.

I was trying, but not too enthusiastically hard, I'm a quiet soul. I was positive. I tried to be nice and make friends and talk to men and show an interest, but no one wanted me and I just slipped further and further down this dark hole.

This is not how I want my life to be, but all the being positive got me no where. So why bother anymore?

I feel like I've got the wrong personality type. I want to be another type. An outgoing friendly soul, but I'm not. And I can't fake it.

My mind is empty for face to face conversation unless someone gives me a topic to talk about. My brain just won't work in social settings.

I can't play this game. And I'm not an introvert. I need other people to be happy. I go crazy on my own. But I can't connect to people. I can't be like other women and make friends or be attractive enough for men to want to go out with.

I would try therapy again, but I can't afford to go private and the NHS only offer daytime appointments and I work full time.

Maybe you just need a break from trying. I wish you wouldnt give up.

Hugs. I’ve almost completely gave up myself

I gave up on relationships at one point. I felt that all the men I met wanted to reconstruct my personality, and I didn't meet a lot. At one point I told myself "Screw it! I'd rather die with fourteen cats than act out a role just so I can be with some guy.

Half a year later I met my husband.

Forced positivity is soul-destroying. Read this: "Positive thinking” has turned happiness into a duty and a burden"

https://qz.com/924103/happiness-has-bec ... brinkmann/

Well I stopped trying after the mess with that guy I worked with. To be fair it's only been 3 months of not trying. But I'm definitely not trying at the moment.

Thankfully I've never felt any men have forced me to be something I'm not. The only men who talk to me tend to be older or marriec and they give me a lot of respect. Guys my age seem scared of me. Actually some married guys my age seem nervous around me.

It's more other women who make me feel unattractive. I'm too intelligent and I don't rely on men enough to help me or I'm too headstrong (this person was quoting the Mars n Venus book to me). I'm not forward enough. I'm too forward. All the advice is conflicting. Though other women tell me I'm lovely and attractive and men are just stupid.

Men say nothing and just smile at me. To be fair they don't treat me badly, I'm just uninteresting or roo scary and I get upset that I'm not whatever it is that makes men feel comfortable enough to talk to the woman they like.

At least I'm not disliked. I'm just that aspie female blank and stiff way (I've observed this in other aspie women i know in person, this profile won't fit all the aspie women on the forum).

I think I look like I don't need anyone.

The men you ask out, how compatible would you say they are in regards to you? Do you have things in common, similar interests, similar character traits?

I would think if that was the case, these men would feel relaxed and comfortable around you.

Maybe I'm just stunning lol

I dunno. I think we do.

Oh I think there is a difference that may matter. I'm from a wealthy family and have a private school accent. I think that's intimidating. People don't seem to like it. Pair that with an aspie tendency to love words and learning and I think I may come over as looking like I think I'm better than others whereas I don't think that at all.

I think my only hope is someone from abroad who knows nothing if the British class system and just thinks I sound English.

It's possible they assume you are a snob(even if nothing could be further from the truth).

I struggle with this aswell, I need to smile more I think... It's an evil circle.

Maybe you should try online dating? It'd give you an opportunity to meet men and hopefully you'd find a match!

Interviewing applicants. Hmmm

I am in the same boat. I feel like I’m someone that people settle for when they can’t find someone “better”.

After having been cheated on, been completely sexually incompatible with people, and been rejected because of things people merely assumed about me, what’s the point?

I've done the online dating thing myself, and I've had success. I met my wife through online dating and had some good dates as well. Don't knock it 'till ya try it. It gives you some more control over who you meet, and also generally lets you know what's going to happen on the first day (where you will meet, etc). There are plenty of men out there, and some of them are even good and sincere.

I know, having to figure out who is good and sincere from the game players actually stresses me out.

I'll be honest I've looked through dating sites before and not really wanted to meet anyone. It's just a load of photos and short blurbs of info.

It doesn't really feel like a viable option.