Do aspies often date people we don't even like?
10 Oct 2017, 2:13 pm
Sweetleaf wrote:
magz wrote:
So, you say, idealization and devaluation cycles in BPD are a myth like lack of empathy in ASD?
Well, maybe. One of my friends has been seriously harmed by a BPD boy she fell in love with but I may not know the whole story.
Well, maybe. One of my friends has been seriously harmed by a BPD boy she fell in love with but I may not know the whole story.
No I say people with that disorder are still people telling everyone to run away from anyone with the disorder as if they're a walking disease regardless of anything else just increases the stigma that BPD already has. People have been hurt in relationships by individuals with aspergers, does that mean everyone on the autism spectrum is horrible relationship material?
TBH, I considered myself a terrible potential match for most people - even before knowing that the "what's wrong with me?" has anything to do with autism. And I wanted to marry and have happy marriage. Put quite a lot of effort into maintaining emotions and relationships. Still do.
I suspect it could be similar with BPD - if one wants to do good in a relationship, they can do their best and hope for the best.
Anyway, I would never like to be in a relationship with someone who didn't genuinely like me.
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Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
Sweetleaf
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Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,470
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
10 Oct 2017, 3:33 pm
magz wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
magz wrote:
So, you say, idealization and devaluation cycles in BPD are a myth like lack of empathy in ASD?
Well, maybe. One of my friends has been seriously harmed by a BPD boy she fell in love with but I may not know the whole story.
Well, maybe. One of my friends has been seriously harmed by a BPD boy she fell in love with but I may not know the whole story.
No I say people with that disorder are still people telling everyone to run away from anyone with the disorder as if they're a walking disease regardless of anything else just increases the stigma that BPD already has. People have been hurt in relationships by individuals with aspergers, does that mean everyone on the autism spectrum is horrible relationship material?
TBH, I considered myself a terrible potential match for most people - even before knowing that the "what's wrong with me?" has anything to do with autism. And I wanted to marry and have happy marriage. Put quite a lot of effort into maintaining emotions and relationships. Still do.
I suspect it could be similar with BPD - if one wants to do good in a relationship, they can do their best and hope for the best.
Anyway, I would never like to be in a relationship with someone who didn't genuinely like me.
Well yeah that is what I think, and I certainly am not saying BPD isn't a serious problem...but if a person with it is willing to put in the effort to work on improving mental stability and managing their negative symptoms/behaviors then I see no reason why they couldn't have a good relationship with someone. But they'd have to manage it ongoingly like I have to do with my anxiety/depression and PTSD otherwise you run the risk of mistreating your S.O.
There was a guy I dated a while back and I am not sure what was wrong with him, but he clearly had some mental issues..I tried to be supportive and encouraging, but he just wasn't ready to really evaluate himself and take steps to improve his mental health...and ended up breaking it off with me because of not wanting to drag me down, and he worried about being unable to commit. I wasn't in the best place mentally at the time either...so I also think we might have exacerbated each other's issues some.
I do hope things have improved for him....but yeah it wasn't really possible to stay friends after breaking up, so its not likely I'll be hearing from him again.
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We won't go back.
10 Oct 2017, 5:00 pm
TBH, I've gone back on forth on whether or not I ever liked her. Like I said I had a lot of doubts. But there are times when I feel like I really miss her. And I thought that I did right afterwards too. The first time I ended things with her, I felt like maybe I had no more feelings for her - It actually felt kind of good in the moment, because I wasn't trying to think about how I felt about her anymore and I wasn't depressed over the idea that my feelings might be gone. Two days later, I was feeling sad about things, and then I saw a snapchat of her on a date (that turned out not to be a date) and freaked out, couldn't breathe, could barely function. I was EXTREMELY relieved when she said that it was nothing - thats actually part of why I ended up trying to restart things with her.
And for a long time i did feel really depressed and really wasn't sure if I'd made the right/wrong decision. Now I just feel utterly stressed when I think about it at all. Like there are times when I'm not sure If I was pretending to like her or not, and not sure if I actually enjoyed myself around her. I just don't know if this is a normal thought process for us? Do we miss exes we didn't like or does this mean I had something for her?
Different things have happened with me recently that have made think other things about this, and given me more opinions.
11 Oct 2017, 5:25 am
cato4797 wrote:
TBH, I've gone back on forth on whether or not I ever liked her. Like I said I had a lot of doubts. But there are times when I feel like I really miss her. And I thought that I did right afterwards too. The first time I ended things with her, I felt like maybe I had no more feelings for her - It actually felt kind of good in the moment, because I wasn't trying to think about how I felt about her anymore and I wasn't depressed over the idea that my feelings might be gone. Two days later, I was feeling sad about things, and then I saw a snapchat of her on a date (that turned out not to be a date) and freaked out, couldn't breathe, could barely function. I was EXTREMELY relieved when she said that it was nothing - thats actually part of why I ended up trying to restart things with her.
And for a long time i did feel really depressed and really wasn't sure if I'd made the right/wrong decision. Now I just feel utterly stressed when I think about it at all. Like there are times when I'm not sure If I was pretending to like her or not, and not sure if I actually enjoyed myself around her. I just don't know if this is a normal thought process for us? Do we miss exes we didn't like or does this mean I had something for her?
Different things have happened with me recently that have made think other things about this, and given me more opinions.
And for a long time i did feel really depressed and really wasn't sure if I'd made the right/wrong decision. Now I just feel utterly stressed when I think about it at all. Like there are times when I'm not sure If I was pretending to like her or not, and not sure if I actually enjoyed myself around her. I just don't know if this is a normal thought process for us? Do we miss exes we didn't like or does this mean I had something for her?
Different things have happened with me recently that have made think other things about this, and given me more opinions.
What you described seems quite like "obsessively falling in love" in my view. Not that bad but the results may be either love or trauma - no way to predict it now from where I am sitting. My crushes went in somehow similar cycles. Some ended in severe pain but ultimately I have someone to love and trust.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
11 Oct 2017, 4:12 pm
magz wrote:
cato4797 wrote:
TBH, I've gone back on forth on whether or not I ever liked her. Like I said I had a lot of doubts. But there are times when I feel like I really miss her. And I thought that I did right afterwards too. The first time I ended things with her, I felt like maybe I had no more feelings for her - It actually felt kind of good in the moment, because I wasn't trying to think about how I felt about her anymore and I wasn't depressed over the idea that my feelings might be gone. Two days later, I was feeling sad about things, and then I saw a snapchat of her on a date (that turned out not to be a date) and freaked out, couldn't breathe, could barely function. I was EXTREMELY relieved when she said that it was nothing - thats actually part of why I ended up trying to restart things with her.
And for a long time i did feel really depressed and really wasn't sure if I'd made the right/wrong decision. Now I just feel utterly stressed when I think about it at all. Like there are times when I'm not sure If I was pretending to like her or not, and not sure if I actually enjoyed myself around her. I just don't know if this is a normal thought process for us? Do we miss exes we didn't like or does this mean I had something for her?
Different things have happened with me recently that have made think other things about this, and given me more opinions.
And for a long time i did feel really depressed and really wasn't sure if I'd made the right/wrong decision. Now I just feel utterly stressed when I think about it at all. Like there are times when I'm not sure If I was pretending to like her or not, and not sure if I actually enjoyed myself around her. I just don't know if this is a normal thought process for us? Do we miss exes we didn't like or does this mean I had something for her?
Different things have happened with me recently that have made think other things about this, and given me more opinions.
What you described seems quite like "obsessively falling in love" in my view. Not that bad but the results may be either love or trauma - no way to predict it now from where I am sitting. My crushes went in somehow similar cycles. Some ended in severe pain but ultimately I have someone to love and trust.
At first I was extremely depressed - like all the time. We both were, but I didn't want to restart things even tho I missed her. I just wanted to be friends and then I ducked that up ... I realize now I had probably had feelings for her and just wasn't mature enough to realize it ... and I might have some commitment issues too. Now though it's just to stressful to talk to her...
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