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Vectorspace
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09 Oct 2017, 10:46 am

I haven't been on for a while, but there are some happy news: I am now officially in a relationship. Unfortunately, things are not that easy.

My girlfriend and I have a lot of things in common, and, well, I have noticed some things on her that make me wonder whether she might have Asperger's, too:

1. She is uncomfortable with physical contact. When we first met, I hugged her (I can do that now :D), but she did not cooperate. It got a little better the next time, but it took her some time until she was comfortable with me touching her, and to this day, she has stayed really passive with that – and we have never done anything sexual.

2. She avoids eye contact a lot. We had a few dates sitting in front of each other in restaurants, and she was always looking at the street rather than my face.

3. Although she seems to be enjoying the fact that we are in a relationship, she does not want to meet very often. We live too far apart to meet on workdays, but she does not seem to mind it. Also, she takes a long time responding to text messages.

4. She is a bit socially awkward and has low self-confidence, and she sometimes does things that seem a little socially inappropriate to me (like touching things in exhibitions that you are probably not supposed to touch).

What baffles me, though: She has a really large number of friends and likes traveling and meeting new people. Do you think that is a contradiction to having Asperger's? I'm not trying to diagnose her, but I'd like to make sense of the situation. Do you know about anyone with Asperger's who is that social?



magz
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09 Oct 2017, 10:50 am

I would see a possible explanation: the people fascinate her and are her special interest.


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Vectorspace
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09 Oct 2017, 11:06 am

magz wrote:
I would see a possible explanation: the people fascinate her and are her special interest.

Yes, but she also needs to get people to like her, which requires social skills.

I know that female Aspies are often much better at that than male Aspies are, but I still haven't heard about anyone that outgoing.



that1weirdgrrrl
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09 Oct 2017, 11:08 am

I dated a guy who was a social ASD.

I go through phases myself where i can be very social, but they are not permanent. Eventually i will need some down time.

A lot of people may like her and call her their friend, therefore she has a lot off friends; this sort of scenario is how i get most of my friends.


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Embla
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09 Oct 2017, 1:22 pm

Well, I have a lot of friends, but not so much because I enjoy making them.
I am very friendly, and people tend to like me. However, I do not initiate contact myself. Which means that all of my friends picked me, never the other way around. It's not that I don't enjoy hanging out with them sometimes, it's just always their choice.
And I do enjoy travelling. Preferably alone, but still.



MagicKnight
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09 Oct 2017, 3:46 pm

Vectorspace wrote:
I haven't been on for a while, but there are some happy news: I am now officially in a relationship. Unfortunately, things are not that easy.

My girlfriend and I have a lot of things in common, and, well, I have noticed some things on her that make me wonder whether she might have Asperger's, too:

1. She is uncomfortable with physical contact. When we first met, I hugged her (I can do that now :D), but she did not cooperate. It got a little better the next time, but it took her some time until she was comfortable with me touching her, and to this day, she has stayed really passive with that – and we have never done anything sexual.

2. She avoids eye contact a lot. We had a few dates sitting in front of each other in restaurants, and she was always looking at the street rather than my face.

3. Although she seems to be enjoying the fact that we are in a relationship, she does not want to meet very often. We live too far apart to meet on workdays, but she does not seem to mind it. Also, she takes a long time responding to text messages.

4. She is a bit socially awkward and has low self-confidence, and she sometimes does things that seem a little socially inappropriate to me (like touching things in exhibitions that you are probably not supposed to touch).

What baffles me, though: She has a really large number of friends and likes traveling and meeting new people. Do you think that is a contradiction to having Asperger's? I'm not trying to diagnose her, but I'd like to make sense of the situation. Do you know about anyone with Asperger's who is that social?


Maybe she's just shy.