Are Restaurants Hard for You?
Events that draw attention such as birthday's and the restaurants policy of celebrating someones birthday by broadcasting it to the whole restaurant
Some well known restaurants like Pizza hut are low in standards of hygiene, always find a dirty bowl or plate or utensils
I find that most slow food ones like F&B, TGI, and pizza hut take longer than 40 mins to serve, thus family I dine out with just talk random things whilst i'm just sat there quiet
Hella! Hella! Hella! It's the place I have the most sensory overload. Although most the time I go out it would be to a restaurant which is out of my safe house (my literal home) so that probably makes sense. Restaurants are sucky. Bars are super sucky, if they have tonnes of people and drunk loud people and stop, stop, stop.
And looking to people bc they didn't note your order so the waiter is staring at you and you're like no no no no no (with your eyes) wait for my speaker person they're supposed to say my order, no, no.. Gah.
BirdInFlight
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Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?
Most of the time now as an adult.
But when I was a kid, ALL of the time -- it was one of my most regular meltdown triggers. Restaurants were my nemesis as a child. And there was no diagnosis back then, so I didn't know what was happening to me in restaurants, my family didn't know, and they all hated me for it.
All I knew was that everything about being in one resulted in me freaking out and having to be taken out of the place.
Now in hindsight I've figured out that it must have been a mass of sensory issues for me. I don't remember any we went to being anything but very, very noisy. Lots of people talking, lots of plates and dishes clashing, knives and forks jangling, I seem to hear a lot of the kitchen and serving noises, not just people cutting their meat. . .Lots of people moving around (wait staff) constant motion all around, bursts of laughter, strange food that wasn't like "at home" . . . .
I never figured all this out as a child, I just knew that I didn't like the environment and that something built and built until I was screaming and crying and nobody could find out why, not even me.
As an adult, I still don't actually like them. I have had shutdowns in restaurants even in my 40s. No screaming and crying anymore but certainly shutdowns, frozen into myself, temporarily non-verbal, extremely unhappy and needing to leave.
I can't stand trying to hold a conversation in a noisy restaurant. Trouble is I haven't been to one that isn't.
Things do not look good....
Since I did not have many (or any ) job skills. Not qualified for a lot of jobs. Few prospects
Might end up having to choose between working at a restaurant or homelessness
You have to be practical
But thus far I have been way too idealistic
The precious counselor told me to work in a restaurant
That could be the best choice. It's just that there is no good choice
But whatever. She did not know me very
Well
And she did not seem the slightest bit skilled
It was like she expected me to believe whatever she said, but she did not not even act professional
I hardly ever go to restaurants now, so my experience of them is fairly limited. The last time I ate out was when I went to Pizza Hut with my youth group. Normally I'm fine with the restaurants I've been in. The hardest part for me is trying to eat neatly without spilling it on the table and on my clothes (I'm a very messy eater!)
I can't handle pubs, though. Too much light/dark contrast, the strong smell of alcohol, rowdy chatter, messy tables - it gets too much for me! >~<
I hate that! I used to get worried in case everyone would start singing Happy Birthday to someone (hate that song so much), but fortunately it hasn't happened in the last few times I've been in restaurants. ^^;
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I'm sailing across Spectrum Sea, in my little boat.
The waters of the port were choppy. After I set off, there was a long, massive storm.
Years later, however, the sea calmed. I'm still on tranquil sea, but I'll never reach the Neurotypical Beach.
lostonearth35
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I usually go out to eat once a week with my mom. Unless it's crowded and people are being very loud or have screaming kids it's not something I can't handle, and I enjoy the time I get to spend with my mother. We usually try to go in before or after the mealtime hours so there are less people.
The only thing I found hard about restaurants was waiting in line and also unless they had a kid's menu for us to color on, then I didn't mind the waiting. Then I got too old for them and we always had to eat at smorgus board restaurants because I didn't have the patience to wait for my food and then I started to listen to music or play video games so it worked out.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
dragonsanddemons
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Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
I'm usually OK if it isn't super busy and I'm going with my family, although I do often have to point to what I want on the menu because I can't speak loudly/clearly enough to be heard over the other noise. However, it's another story if those two conditions aren't met. My family makes me feel safer and like I have "backup" if I can't be heard or don't know how to handle a situation or something, and I really don't do well with lots of noise or people. I have major issues with eating in front of others, but if it's only my family I'm with and they are also eating, and it doesn't seem like anyone else is paying attention to us, I'm usually OK.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
1. Noise
2. Crowded
3. Smell
4. Reading the menu
5. Waiting
6. Finding something to eat that I like
7. Ordering my drink and food
8. Interaction with others
9. Sharing the appetizers
10. Sitting still
11. Cutting my food
12. Keeping my napkin on my leg
13. Trying new food (something I have to do on my new diet)
14. Going to a restaurant I have never been to before
15. Sticky tables and sticky menus
16. Table manners
Usually I panic midway through and I have to go sit in the car.
When ever possible, when I'm by myself, I get my food to go and eat it in my car.
1. Sometimes.
2. If it is crowded, yes.
3. Not usually a problem.
4. Nope, I read everything about the restaurant I can on Yelp before I go. I usually already know what I'm going to order.
5. Yes, if I have to wait very long.
6. No, see #4.
7. No, see #4.
8. No.
9. No.
10. No.
11. No.
12. No.
13. I don't usually try new food.
14. No, see #4.
15. Yes.
16. I don't worry much about table manners.
I don't cope well with big crowded, noisy places. There are a few smaller places I like but to be comfortable I have to be able to sit with my back to the wall and be able to see the door. I've had to scrub one of fav's off the list recently. It was a Turkish restaurant which we had gone to for years. Last time we went the had a belly dancer do a show. WTF? The music was deafening and she was making her way around all the tables. I had to go outside until she stopped. Never going back there again
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I have a piece of paper that says ASD Level 2 so it must be true.
My wife took us to an especially crowded, noisy place a few months ago and I had to escape outside several times just to decompress. (She didn't know it would be that way beforehand, or she would have avoided it.)
I also like to be able to see the door--don't like a lot of activity going on behind my back.
Regarding the belly dancer, you have to realize that most people probably enjoyed the show. (Though I sympathize! If I want a show, I'll go to a show; if I go to a restaurant, I want to eat in peace.) Unfortunately for us, the world is arranged for NTs and their bizarre preferences.
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"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."
Crowded, noisy ones: oh yes. But it's easier nowadays. No cigarette smoke being blown across my plate by other diners, o frabjous day! (yes, that was a thing.)
I have IBS, which in my case mostly behaves like a set of allergies and stress intolerance... In my 30s, the culinary fads were basil and rosemary. To me, severe allergens both. So. On a date one time, I subsisted on coffee and the bread basket, because everything on the menu was spiced with one or t'other. Or both. Purportedly basic US cuisine.
Date had apparently paid no heed when I disclosed said allergies well ahead of time. Nor did he seem perturbed that I could eat nothing. These days, I dine out in quiet places on my own or with people who "get" IBS and AS. The bacon craze, now: that was fine.
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"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people," said the man. "You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides."
-- Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!
I avoid restaurants that are too crowded and too noisy.
All else being equal, I'll go to a restaurant with the best natural light. My idealized notion of a restaurant is one overlooking a beach, facing south, with large windows wrapping around the east, south, and west sides of the dining area and with white or light colored ceilings, walls, floors, and tables/table cloths.
I've never actually been in such a restaurant even if you take away the constraints of it overlooking a beach and facing south.
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