Male disposability in life & dating

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I'll bite. Because I hear other girls say this often then when I ask for context it usually means game.

But sure are you talking about conversations like politics? Or are you saying you want a guy to keep a conversation exciting and fresh and not be boring and mundane like, "seen any good movies lately?"

You being married doesn't change anything. And nice personal attack assuming I'm bitter because I'm actually not..

I agree there are many ways people can appear attractive to one another, however my problem is with people assuming certain qualities matter as if they are actually a make or break in importance when in fact they are not.

I don't see how conversation skills would steer you out of fights on family gatherings but alright.

Actually I would love an example of how your skills steered a fight to be honest.

This is a response to those guys on here (such as sly279) who say its unfair that fat women don't struggle to find partners (eventually) but fat men do struggle greatly. We could also postulate that as to why skinny women are seen as "fit" yet not skinny men... et cetera. And those guys that think its unfair that jobless women are dateable but not jobless men, or even men that earn low wages. Also the dating experiments that prove it's FACT that average-looking women get comically greater volumes of messages and interest than average-looking men. Obese women get even more messages than healthy weight average men even. I could also throw in disability (including Aspergers, not that I think its a disability), and how we Aspie men are seen as considerably more 'worthless' than our female counterparts, even females with a more severe disability or social impairment. Then we have the media that promulgates male disposability only further,often with the tabloids distorting facts in cases. For example there is great focusing on men with Aspergers and autism, that we are 'criminal' etc, only further creating a sense of disposability among a group of men who are otherwise, law-abiding, likeable people who make terrific colleagues, friends, partners and fathers.

The sex roles that drove a man's and a woman's behavior for thousands of years had great impact on each sex. One of the impacts of the sex role on men was the attitude of disposability that developed over the years. By that I mean the tendency of people to be less likely to get emotionally close to men and to see them as expendable. Why would that be?

Imagine we are living long ago and the women were caring for the hearth and the children and making forays to gather while the men were more likely to go out and hunt or defend the tribe/watchmen. The relative danger of those two behaviors is not subtle. Going out to defend your tribe is decidedly more dangerous and the liklihood of the man returning home after was much smaller than the same liklhood for the woman performing her daily activities. When we dont' expect someone to return what impact does that have on our interest in making an emotional attachment to them? It diminishes. We are less likely to invest our emotional ergs into someone or something that we fear may not be with us. This was obviously not just around the issue of war or hunting, but in dating too. Men were expected to guard women from other men within their own troop. This was a dangerous activity and again, increased the liklihood that the 'lesser' man would be disappearing. The 'lesser man' or highly disposable man is ugly, or simply more unmanly looking: fatness/obesity, poor facial symmetry, short height, scrawny, reduced, weak-looking etc. This is why women love muscles, height and guys with strong facial bones (absorb blows better). They simply look like better warriors.

We tend to not invest in folks who we fear will not do a good job protecting and will not be returning. Yet another example is modern war time. Men were the ones who were expected to go to war and die protecting the village/community/country.

This diminished investment is not subtle but very few people are aware of their own tendency to do this. Let's try an exercise to evaluate your way of thinking. Has it ever bothered you that if you see f.e. an injured cyclist with a bloodied head? Are you are more likely to help out if its a woman? but you're not even aware that your doing this? What about modern warfare? it is only males expected to go and die in case of a national emergency? Does that bug you? Okay, now imagine that congress in all its wisdom has changed the law and decided that we need to draft only girls and women until an equal number of women and girls have died in combat to the numbers of men and boys who have died. Would that upset you? Why? Do you value women and girls more than boys and men? How about if we decided to draft only Black people? Maybe only Jews? Would either of those groups being sacrificed upset you? Would you protest for any of those to not be the only group drafted? Can you feel in your bones how upsetting that would be? If you answered yes to any of those questions, how was your response different from thinking it is okay to draft only men? If you had a different reaction then you are likely holding some of that tendency to consider men and older boys to be more disposable.

You can see this tendency in many places. Boys and men comprise almost 80% of suicides and yet we have no outcry or services specifically for this. Men and boys are over 90% of the workplace deaths in the Unted States but no one seems to notice. Over 97% if the deaths of U.S. servicemen in Iraq are men and boys and yet we hear no protest in support of men and boys or calls for equality. Men are the victims of domestic violence and workplace bullying in considerable numbers and yet we have no services directed towards their needs. All we need to do is open our eyes to see the extent that men and boys are seen as expendable. It is all around us. Ever heard of the wife telling the husband she will go investigate the loud noise that awoke them from a deep sleep?

The age old sex role for men has trickled down into a straight-jacket that harnesses men to be the expendable ones. Most people are simpy unconscious of this and treat men according to their own unconscious programming.

If someone messages me about what movies I’ve seen I’d probably ignore them. I tend to favour deeper conversations about life, human behaviour and scientific things.

Politics isn’t a bad topic. I can imagine people would reply to that.

I call bs on this. Unless you were fat while young you had ton a of guys approach you. Fat is the only major turn off to most men. So either you were fat or hung out with a non approachable crowd.

Hale_bopp, in real life, out there, the real humans start conversations with strangers with something "mundane" like.... "Hello, I am X" or if a familiar acquaintance with something like "How was you weekend?"

Expecting stranger guys to send you a scientific or philosophical essay as a first message just to satisfy your ego and and increase your likehood to reply is frankly narcissitic and creepy.

Also imagine in real life someone you don't even know their name telling you:
"Hey Hale_Bopp, did you know they found a major security bug in WPA2 wifi protocol?"

Creepy...

Honestly some of you women who have been using internet dating for long have lost some of your sense of humanity and became a walking list of crazy expectations. Return to earth.

Probably because it doesn't fit with your perceptions of the world, but your perceptions as a 24 year old male don't invalidate my experiences as a female for 37 years.

I was fat between the ages of 15 and 20, after which I was a healthy weight. However being fat does not make a girl or woman any less of a girl or woman...they "count" just as much as any girl or woman just like fat, poor, shy, balding, socially awkward...short, skinny, boys and men count as boys and men. I did not hang out with any crowd and most of my friends and classmates were males. I just wasn't thought of as a "real" girl. Boo talks about essentially the same phenomena with men, where many girls and women don't think of them as potential sexual partners. They just think of them as friends, or irrelevant with respect to dating.

I don’t mind making small talk to real life people, that’s fine. Online people you know nothing about really until you have a proper conversation that dverts from “Hi how are u” or “ have you seen x movie” I don’t expect an essay, I prefer a couple of lines that don’t completely bore the s**t out of me.

Due to the volume of people who contact you online, it’s not worth replying to anyone unless they really interest you with their conversation. Otherwise you would be there all day.

I haven’t had any problems. It’s narrowed down guys from 1000 to a good 10 who I’ve really enjoyed talking to. It’s not crazy if it works.

Also, don’t patronise me about not knowing how life works. I am online 5% if the time and interacting with real people 95% of the time. I’m aware that offline you approach things differently.

You say healthy but I'm gonna level with you. Unless a guy is of equal weight, typically speaking men want a girl who is slim to lightly curvy excluding some African Americans who prefer more for the added gains. And I've seen this time and time again with girls who have male friends. One tries to talk to her and she rejects and the rest don't bother. Are you honestly going to tell me none of your friends who were males tried to hit on you ever?

So basically you are spoiled. You want conversation to be exciting, but what you don't realize is that's not how life works. You live in the age of having what you want when you want it. So you have an unrealistic standard that makes it so that the only men you end up talking to online are ones who are skilled at this and treat it as a game. I bet they treat you as a game also and know how to press buttons to get your attention lol.

1. Are you just telling that for males a girl's weight is the make it or break it thing, almost the only one that matters?
2. I am one of the girls with lots of male friends. Almost all of them are in long term relationships or married by now and we are even closer now. I know it is hard to imagine to some guys but most of the men I encounter treat me like their sister. There is this kind of air about some women that guys don't think of them in terms of the opposite sex.
But I admit, I had my share of male interest. And I turned some men down on the spot if I knew it won't work in the long run. You say women are irrational but my expirience is that men are even more irrational. They like a girl's physique, they lose their minds, not think of anything beyond that. I hate breakups so I never gave a chance to anyone too likely to end up that way. This I found more fair than flirting when not seriously interested.

Yup weight is pretty much everything to men. Most standards out of that are insanely flexible unless it's a picky guy and those tend to be the ones women focus on so it's a catch 22.

So basically you are spoiled. You want conversation to be exciting, but what you don't realize is that's not how life works. You live in the age of having what you want when you want it. So you have an unrealistic standard that makes it so that the only men you end up talking to online are ones who are skilled at this and treat it as a game. I bet they treat you as a game also and know how to press buttons to get your attention lol.

"I want a conversation that doesn't bore me" lol how about you try starting a non mundane one then instead of waiting on someone else to do it for you

But that is the way online dating works, or any dating with a too large number of potential partners. That's basically why online dating is totally worthless unless you like games and seek a lot of attention or validation. People without those preferences probably get fed up with this pretty fast. When these same people validate people offline, they have completely different (and much lower) requirements, because if they hadn't, nobody offline would match their preferences. It's all about creating a manageable dating pool.

In fact, online dating is not much different from the meat market and one-night-stands. It's only the medium that is different.

Yeah I signed up to a couple of dating sites and they stressed me out. Too many pictures of strangers. It just didn't feel comfortable to me. Not my preferred way of meeting men.