My boyfriend is going to drop dead soon

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Sorry I keep posting here but I am going through a lot of stress at the moment, and just one of them is my boyfriend's health. He's been a heavy smoker for many years and he's tried everything; gum, patches, everything - and he still cannot give up. And the smoking has been causing him health issues lately. He keeps having shortness of breath and coughing fits, and gets out of breath easily when walking. A few weeks ago he had a bad attack of shortness of breath, and I thought he was going to drop dead there and then. He went to see the doctor, who prescribed him antibiotics and an inhaler, but they told him that the best cure for his ailment is to stop smoking. I thought maybe this time he'll listen, after all that unpleasant lack of breath attacks. But he is STILL smoking. He says his mates at work keep offering him cigarettes and that makes it hard to give up. I asked him to try e-cigs but he seems to think they are worse than normal cigarettes for some reason. But, really, your lungs are meant to breathe in oxygen only.

He knows how worried I am but is too weak-willed to give up smoking. He says he wish he'd never started smoking years ago, but he seems to be finding it hard, if not impossible, to give up smoking, but is continuing having this shortness of breath. It is really panicking me. I can't bear the heartache of losing him from a heart attack when we are engaged and have planned a future.

I f*****g HATE smoking. If you're that stressed, go on antidepressants. I'm the most anxious person in the world but I don't "cure" myself by poisoning my lungs. What the f**k is wrong with some humans???

E cigs are the way. They only have tobacco and glycerine. Smokaeable cigarettes have tar, and all kinds of nasties bundled in them.

Most smokers prefer e cigs when they get on them.

Show him this. Maybe it will persuade him:

https://www.nhs.uk/news/heart-and-lungs ... ark-study/

Threaten to leave him if he doesnt go on e cigs. That might do the trick.

I was in a relationship with a man like that. Same thing exactly regarding his friends/workmates also: all it took for him to fall off the wagon was one "mate" going "fancy a cig?" and there he was, smoking again.

He kept trying to quit but the real issue was that his heart really wasn't in it. Deep down he did NOT want to quit and did NOT even truly believe it's bad for you. Seriously, he was in complete denial about it being a killer. This was really at the bottom of his weak will about quitting.

That was the person in my life, I don't know if it's deep down the same for your boyfriend. In the end the relationship broke up in a spectacularly bad way for not just this but many reasons.

Oh and he also became the Incredible Hulk, green angry version, when trying to quit. I walked away from the scumbag.

Well E-cigarettes are not any worse for health if anything they are probably better...if he doesn't like that idea what about a vape mod? You can get devices that take e-liquid which is flavored nicotine containing liquid its like an e-cig but, better you can adjust the temperature and things like that. I have one and it works great I haven't stopped smoking cigarettes yet but I certainly use that as an alternative to smoke less cigarettes...I mean its a start. There was even an article I saw about how some countries in Europe are encouraging these kind of devices as smoking alternatives...not to say there are no health risks, but so far they have been deemed safer than cigarettes.

I have been a little concerned with my boyfriends amount of smoking, but he is also kind of concerned about it and wants to get one of the vape mod devices I have...so I mean I am not having to convince him to try and find a way to cut down.

I just kind of wonder if the real issue is he can't get a good drag from the e-cigs, that is the problem I have had with those which is why I had to get the vape mod, because those can give a much more satisfying puff than an e-cig. I mean they are a little bit expensive but its not like one spends any less buying cigarettes.

I can't really threaten to leave him as a way of making him give up, it's just not me.

I keep reading articles everywhere saying that e-cigs have harmful chemicals in them that can cause lung disease too. I try not to believe it, but people aren't allowed to puff e-cigs on buses or in shops, so maybe there is a chance of e-cigs being harmful in some way.

The only thing with e-cigs is it is not easy to buy cartridges to fill them up, as the stores that sell them are few and far between. It's easier to get them online, but neither me or him buy things online, and he's the sort to stick to the easiest, which is buying cigarettes from the supermarket or smoking other people's cigarettes when offered.

The thing is, he won't tell his workfriends that he's trying to quit smoking. I wish I could, but I don't really know them and I don't see them. Also, it must be hard for him to not smoke when others around him are smoking away. Most compulsory/heavy smokers are selfish and they just light up one when and wherever they possibly can, and they don't even think about people around them.

I just find it scary how severely addictive nicotine is. My boyfriend does want to quit because of his constant coughing and sleepless nights caused by shortness of breath, but he is completely hooked on the stuff, and even if he does quit cold turkey, I don't think he would be able to cope with the withdrawel symptoms.

So, really, I've just got to sit back and watch my love of my life deteriorate and die.

The real problem seems to be you have a boyfriend without any spine. He has been unable or unwilling to put you first when it comes to his kids hanging around. He is unable or unwilling to quit smoking. And why hasn't he married you yet?

Only you can decide if you want to spend a lifetime - however short - with someone like this.

You're right, addictions are very hard to break. I guess I'm insufficiently empathetic because I have people with addictions (cigarette, booze) in my family yet somehow, I was spared.

I am really glad to hear your boyfriend put his foot down about that son moving in. That's great!

I have to wonder why you got with him in the first place or did he start smoking after you got together?

I can't imagine how stressful it must be and maybe you can help him by taking his cigarettes away each time he has them and toss them out.

My husband is also a smoker but he smokes weed for his pain and he started doing that after we got married and my state legalized it. He was doing it illegally when his medical thing expired. But he doesn't do it heavily and he only uses it when his pain is real bad. I wish there were other options but none of the pain meds worked and they would quit working on him.

I quit using Tabex. It's made of cytisine which is a molecule derived from some plants like laburnum. It's very similar to the nicotine molecule so it blocks the receptor sites making smoking pretty meaningless. It's been used in eastern europe for a long time. Big Pharma don't like it. They would rather sell gum and patches. It's possible to buy it on the net.

I can't judge, because I can't quit either.

I can go days without a cigarette, but I can't quit. The minute I know I CAN'T have the nicotine (and the 10 minutes outside, ALONE) whenever I need it, it starts chewing on me like a rabid wolverine.

I can, "Eh, maybe later" for four or five days at a time. But I can't QUIT.

Same thing, perhaps not coincidentally, with marijuana. I have smoked maybe five times since I found out I was pregnant the first time (the kid is now 16 years old); before that I smoked a couple times a week for a few years, before that I smoked a few times a day for a couple years.

The last time I touched the s**t was 2010, right after my Dad died and I lost a pregnancy and that whole sordid miserable mess. But I NEED TO KNOW THAT I CAN, IF IT SEEMS LIKE WHAT I REALLY NEED TO BE DOING.

Based on how well antidepressants have (NOT!! !) worked for me, I'm tempted to find out what I would have to give up for a medical marijuana card (I might be willing to sacrifice my 2A rights, but say for example I can't afford to sacrifice my driving privileges and wouldn't even consider giving up parental rights). Under a Sessions judiciary branch, I'd still have to hide under my house or something, but...

I am sorry for you. To see your fiance struggles with his health problem because of smoking is surely a very difficult thing for you *hugs*.

I am not a smoker, but my dad was. He shared how he quit smoking by truly stop it, and it was very difficult. Yet he could do it. Also he avoided to meet his smoker friends, since he said that they would offer him cigarette, then the smoking habit would start again. I asked my dad what motivated him to stop smoking. He said that he saw some of his relatives and family died because of lung cancer. He didn't want to die early and left my mom as widoW in such a young age.

Your fiance probably need to be convinced of his motivation for quitting smoking. If you can make him understand that it is very hurtful to see him such in pain, probably it will be a good reason for him to stop.