The Roommate
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,932
Location: Adelaide, Australia
A little while ago I started talking to this girl on a dating site. She's very pretty. I suggest going to a restaurant near the pier and then walking along the beach. She seems to like this suggestion. She says she's always looking for new friends.
A while later I get her number so we can talk on Whatsapp. She's 26 years old and she's a second year student doing a bachelor of economics. She tells me she's having trouble with the "math" for her project. This surprises me because the accountants I know have told me they mostly just use arithmetic.
She says she's having trouble using Excel. Maybe that's the problem. She's not familiar with Excel. Most people learn Excel in high school but perhaps in her native Vietnam it wasn't taught. It's all new to her.
I offer to help her. I tell her I can help her with her Excel problems and if that's not enough we can get my father to come over. He graduated with a bachelor of economics. She likes the sound of this. I was tempted to drive her to my apartment but I decided I don't need to be so generous. I just tell her that she can reach my apartment easily since it's near a major train station.
She's fine with this but it provokes an unexpected response. She asks how much my rent is. She asks how many people I live with (I live by myself). I asks how many bedrooms I have. She says she's been looking to rent a room in a place that's near a train station so she can get to work and university more easily.
For a while I've been thinking about having a guy move in so he can pay half my rent. I never thought it would be a pretty girl.
Originally I'd wanted to date her. Now she might be living in my spare bedroom instead. Can I still date her? How do I ask out my subtenant?
In my past relationships, the successful ones have always been the ones that proceeded quickly. Last year I dated a girl 5 times without either of us making a move. That one was doomed to failure. For all that girls that became my girlfriend, I'd gotten up to making out with them by the second date.
Should I use a slower approach in this case? A friend said I should let her seduce me instead of the reverse. This might be a good idea. If she's going to be living with me that will give the luxury of time. Should I get to know her slowly before I ask her out? If so, how?
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The days are long, but the years are short
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,932
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Yes, I should ask her out. But even asking her out carries the risk of being misinterpreted. I asked to go to a restaurant followed by a walk on the beach yet she somehow interpreted that in a friendly way. How can I make my intentions clearer without sounding like a creep?
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The days are long, but the years are short
You don’t seem like a creep. Maybe just go on the date and see how it goes. After all, you met her on a dating site. If she isn’t interested, she’ll say lets be friends. I don’t know if having her as a room mate would help that? If it works for you by all means go for it.
I'm not here to derail your fantasy train too much, but on a more practical note: subletting is business, relationships are personal, the two rarely mix well. If you're going to have her as a roommate, make sure you keep it as a roommate, if you want her as a girlfriend, bite the bullet and date her a while, keep the room open and if you see things going long term then there's no need for a roommate, you'll have space for your girlfriend to move in. Mixing the two when you barely know the other person is tremendously difficult even for NT's from similar cultures, let alone an autistic that will be grappling with a different cultural upbringing. Best of luck with whatever you decide.
I second Aristophanes, and I'd like to add that people generally don't instantly start living together once they begin a romantic relationship. It's too soon no matter how you look at it.
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Asking to rent with someone you met on a dating site sounds weird to me.
It doesn't sound like she has any intention of becoming romantically involved with you, just wants a convenient room and someone to help her with computer problems.
If a girl was romantically interested, it would be very forward to suggest living together, especially when you haven't even met in person.
If you want a room mate to help with the rent, go for it.
A female room mate is quite nice.
However, I wouldn't bank on her becoming your girlfriend.
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It's like I'm sleepwalking
A while later I get her number so we can talk on Whatsapp. She's 26 years old and she's a second year student doing a bachelor of economics. She tells me she's having trouble with the "math" for her project. This surprises me because the accountants I know have told me they mostly just use arithmetic.
She says she's having trouble using Excel. Maybe that's the problem. She's not familiar with Excel. Most people learn Excel in high school but perhaps in her native Vietnam it wasn't taught. It's all new to her.
I offer to help her. I tell her I can help her with her Excel problems and if that's not enough we can get my father to come over. He graduated with a bachelor of economics. She likes the sound of this. I was tempted to drive her to my apartment but I decided I don't need to be so generous. I just tell her that she can reach my apartment easily since it's near a major train station.
She's fine with this but it provokes an unexpected response. She asks how much my rent is. She asks how many people I live with (I live by myself). I asks how many bedrooms I have. She says she's been looking to rent a room in a place that's near a train station so she can get to work and university more easily.
For a while I've been thinking about having a guy move in so he can pay half my rent. I never thought it would be a pretty girl.
Originally I'd wanted to date her. Now she might be living in my spare bedroom instead. Can I still date her? How do I ask out my subtenant?
In my past relationships, the successful ones have always been the ones that proceeded quickly. Last year I dated a girl 5 times without either of us making a move. That one was doomed to failure. For all that girls that became my girlfriend, I'd gotten up to making out with them by the second date.
Should I use a slower approach in this case? A friend said I should let her seduce me instead of the reverse. This might be a good idea. If she's going to be living with me that will give the luxury of time. Should I get to know her slowly before I ask her out? If so, how?
I understand this seems enticing to you but personally I would feel uncomfortable with the situation if I were in your position because...
1. You met her on a dating site and have gone out with her, but she did not become your girlfriend. Instead, she switches gears to wanting to be your roommate.
2. Though you had been considering getting a roommate, your intentions are intertwined with the fact that you really want to date her.
I think I would probably tell her that you are more interested in dating her and are not open to renting our one of your rooms at this point in time, and see what happens. If she get upset or loses interest in you, then you have made a wise decision. If she would like to date you even though she won't be getting an room closer to the train station out of it, she might be worth dating.
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,932
Location: Adelaide, Australia
A while later I get her number so we can talk on Whatsapp. She's 26 years old and she's a second year student doing a bachelor of economics. She tells me she's having trouble with the "math" for her project. This surprises me because the accountants I know have told me they mostly just use arithmetic.
She says she's having trouble using Excel. Maybe that's the problem. She's not familiar with Excel. Most people learn Excel in high school but perhaps in her native Vietnam it wasn't taught. It's all new to her.
I offer to help her. I tell her I can help her with her Excel problems and if that's not enough we can get my father to come over. He graduated with a bachelor of economics. She likes the sound of this. I was tempted to drive her to my apartment but I decided I don't need to be so generous. I just tell her that she can reach my apartment easily since it's near a major train station.
She's fine with this but it provokes an unexpected response. She asks how much my rent is. She asks how many people I live with (I live by myself). I asks how many bedrooms I have. She says she's been looking to rent a room in a place that's near a train station so she can get to work and university more easily.
For a while I've been thinking about having a guy move in so he can pay half my rent. I never thought it would be a pretty girl.
Originally I'd wanted to date her. Now she might be living in my spare bedroom instead. Can I still date her? How do I ask out my subtenant?
In my past relationships, the successful ones have always been the ones that proceeded quickly. Last year I dated a girl 5 times without either of us making a move. That one was doomed to failure. For all that girls that became my girlfriend, I'd gotten up to making out with them by the second date.
Should I use a slower approach in this case? A friend said I should let her seduce me instead of the reverse. This might be a good idea. If she's going to be living with me that will give the luxury of time. Should I get to know her slowly before I ask her out? If so, how?
I understand this seems enticing to you but personally I would feel uncomfortable with the situation if I were in your position because...
1. You met her on a dating site and have gone out with her, but she did not become your girlfriend. Instead, she switches gears to wanting to be your roommate.
2. Though you had been considering getting a roommate, your intentions are intertwined with the fact that you really want to date her.
I think I would probably tell her that you are more interested in dating her and are not open to renting our one of your rooms at this point in time, and see what happens. If she get upset or loses interest in you, then you have made a wise decision. If she would like to date you even though she won't be getting an room closer to the train station out of it, she might be worth dating.
Good advice.
I haven't actually dated her yet. She suggested we could date next week. She would prefer to do it after her university exams are over.
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short