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fifasy
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12 Oct 2017, 11:22 am

I live in apartments for poor people and it is hard sometimes. Neighbours can be loud. Lots of banging. I didn't get that from the neighbours where my middle class parents lived.

Motorbikes loudly coming and going. Strange people visiting, laughing loudly as they walk along the outside hall near my front door.

When I go in and out of the apartment there is a long car park and my neighbours can see it through their windows and I feel scared knowing sometimes they are looking out at me. I just put my head down because I am hopeless at making asppropriatfe facial expressions.

Taking the trash out makers me nervous. I have to go through two gates past a lot of a apartments and one time I saw two youngish guys in hoodies loitering near a gate and they looked mischievous.

I think better housing should be built for aspies, I am becoming more mentally I'll because of these issues. I also don't feel I trust my neighbours. They all have a world weary look about them, and I am just a fresh faced effeminate man who isn't streetwise.

I sometimes think of having all my food delivered by the supermarket so I don't have to go out any more. But then staying inside all the time can get sad too. I don't feel I will be able to live like this in the long term. I just feel like I need more personal space or privacy. Anyone know what I mean?



BirdInFlight
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12 Oct 2017, 5:24 pm

Yes, I agree, I really do think it is.

For the reasons you state. The less money one has, the more narrow a range of choice in even where to live and how to live.

The cheapest places are often the noisiest places. The cheap apartments or houses will be on the heavy traffic street, built with the thinnest walls, and often filled with the noisy people. Not to mention that they are also mostly in the "bad" parts of town also.

The better, more expensive housing in safe places with nicer neighbors will be the places built literally of better stuff, spaced farther from neighbors so that even if they WERE noisy you wouldn't hear them so easily. And on quiet out of the way streets off away from the main roads.

It's a vicious cycle. Autism traits that cause employment issues mean we may end up with less earning power, less earning power means we wind up in places that trigger exactly those issues caused by the autism, which in turn makes us more stressed and even more susceptible to our own challenges and it's harder to cope with them successfully, which leads to employement issues, which leads to less earning power, which leads to living in the shitty place that triggers the. . . . . . .and on and on.

Trouble is, someone is going to come along and wag a finger at both you and I for even stating this stuff, telling us "the world can't just accommodate your every need just because you have autism."

YEAH I get it, I think we all know that. But still it has to be acknowledged, we CAN be caught in a trap like this and it's no picnic. It's also very much harder to be one of those shiningly successful aspies who have managed their issues perfectly when you can't even get a good hold of even starting to get better at coping. The smug aspies who seem to have their s**t together are usually the ones who ARE fortunate enough to have comfortable life circumstances to begin with, and usually not all alone either, but with a huge amount of help from at least one other person without whom their life would be very different.



Ragnahawk
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12 Oct 2017, 5:38 pm

Yeah I know exactly how you are feeling right now. To the point.

Man fears the unknown until it becomes known.

You have learned through your life that people are untrustworthy? You are correct. You are also incorrect. Because you are correct about people being untrustworthy, there is a factor that you have to consider. Danger. You will need to blend into your environment better. Carry mace around with you, or a weapon. Your fears are completely justified. To conquer your problem, quit sobbing, and do something about it. Security can be acquired. Everything is a resource. You are autistic, use your logic to come up with the solution appropriate for you, that nobody else can come up with.


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Enceladus
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12 Oct 2017, 6:12 pm

If I lived anywhere else in the world I would probably be in the same situation, even a modern western society like the UK. But I'm lucky, I live in one of the filthiest rich places in the world. I'm on disability benefits and it is generous. I have issues for sure, but not issues related to money.

If I where living in another country I would move here. Learn the language and get all the benefits. But it's not as simple as that I suspect.



Daniel89
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12 Oct 2017, 11:01 pm

I was in a very similar situation until a few months ago living in a council flat in a building mostly occupied with drug addicts, it was hell they would blast music so loud that you could actually feel the vibrations, they would scream and should in the hall way and smoke weed their too it was awful thankfully I finally moved into a bungalow in a nicer area, its a council house and it took me years to get it but was worth it. I suggest you relentlessly try to find similar housing.



Sweetleaf
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13 Oct 2017, 1:08 am

Yeah imagine trying to bum some change or a cigarette off of someone...

But no seriously I agree that aspergers could certainly complicate it, just couldn't resist that because I can't really approach people I don't know and talk to them and I have certainly given cigarettes or change to people who are clearly impoverished or homeless.


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Sweetleaf
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13 Oct 2017, 1:22 am

fifasy wrote:
I live in apartments for poor people and it is hard sometimes. Neighbours can be loud. Lots of banging. I didn't get that from the neighbours where my middle class parents lived.

Motorbikes loudly coming and going. Strange people visiting, laughing loudly as they walk along the outside hall near my front door.

When I go in and out of the apartment there is a long car park and my neighbours can see it through their windows and I feel scared knowing sometimes they are looking out at me. I just put my head down because I am hopeless at making asppropriatfe facial expressions.

Taking the trash out makers me nervous. I have to go through two gates past a lot of a apartments and one time I saw two youngish guys in hoodies loitering near a gate and they looked mischievous.

I think better housing should be built for aspies, I am becoming more mentally I'll because of these issues. I also don't feel I trust my neighbours. They all have a world weary look about them, and I am just a fresh faced effeminate man who isn't streetwise.

I sometimes think of having all my food delivered by the supermarket so I don't have to go out any more. But then staying inside all the time can get sad too. I don't feel I will be able to live like this in the long term. I just feel like I need more personal space or privacy. Anyone know what I mean?


Things may not be quite so sinister as you think, I mean if you're not streetwise at all I could see being in a larger town or city being rather scary and stressful. I mean I grew up living in a lot of smaller towns and such and a few years back moved close to the biggest city in my state Colorado which is Denver and I was certainly more nervous about it at first but so far it hasn't been so bad at all. But yeah the trouble is there is a lot more people walking around or hanging out and if you're nervous about people they can certainly seem more menacing with so many being around but a lot of times they're not. I mean maybe the two guys in hoodies where just smoking a cigarette, I mean I have like 10 of those things and it can be hard not to loiter a bit in a city type area, if you get weary of walking.

I certainly get what you mean but I have just kind of come to accept that if you live in a larger town or city, you're going to be interrupted from time to time, more often than if you live in the mountains or something.

I would not recommend having all your food delivered and not going out at all, if anything that can make it more stressful when you do have to go out, which could just increase your anxiety about going out in the first place and lets just say you probably do not want to develop agoraphobia( I think spellcheck told me to spell it like that, but yeah I mean the disorder where people are afraid to go outside).


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Sweetleaf
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13 Oct 2017, 1:27 am

Enceladus wrote:
If I lived anywhere else in the world I would probably be in the same situation, even a modern western society like the UK. But I'm lucky, I live in one of the filthiest rich places in the world. I'm on disability benefits and it is generous. I have issues for sure, but not issues related to money.

If I where living in another country I would move here. Learn the language and get all the benefits. But it's not as simple as that I suspect.


I kind of wish I lived in Norway, but yeah much easier said than done lol.


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fifasy
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13 Oct 2017, 1:35 am

BirdInFlight wrote:
Yes, I agree, I really do think it is.

For the reasons you state. The less money one has, the more narrow a range of choice in even where to live and how to live.

The cheapest places are often the noisiest places. The cheap apartments or houses will be on the heavy traffic street, built with the thinnest walls, and often filled with the noisy people. Not to mention that they are also mostly in the "bad" parts of town also.

The better, more expensive housing in safe places with nicer neighbors will be the places built literally of better stuff, spaced farther from neighbors so that even if they WERE noisy you wouldn't hear them so easily. And on quiet out of the way streets off away from the main roads.

It's a vicious cycle. Autism traits that cause employment issues mean we may end up with less earning power, less earning power means we wind up in places that trigger exactly those issues caused by the autism, which in turn makes us more stressed and even more susceptible to our own challenges and it's harder to cope with them successfully, which leads to employement issues, which leads to less earning power, which leads to living in the shitty place that triggers the. . . . . . .and on and on.

Trouble is, someone is going to come along and wag a finger at both you and I for even stating this stuff, telling us "the world can't just accommodate your every need just because you have autism."

YEAH I get it, I think we all know that. But still it has to be acknowledged, we CAN be caught in a trap like this and it's no picnic. It's also very much harder to be one of those shiningly successful aspies who have managed their issues perfectly when you can't even get a good hold of even starting to get better at coping. The smug aspies who seem to have their s**t together are usually the ones who ARE fortunate enough to have comfortable life circumstances to begin with, and usually not all alone either, but with a huge amount of help from at least one other person without whom their life would be very different.


You get it. I think Aspies who are more successful should care more. In the black community they would stick up for their poorer members. It seems there isn't that sense of solidarity among aspies. If we don't look out for each other, who will?

There are aspies on the streets, in prisons, in mental hospitals, all being treated badly, many dying young because not enough people care. I used to get help from a support worker who had worked in prisons. He told me lots of people he taught in there were autistic and I found that so depressing. He just accepted it as if it was fine, he had become desensitized to it. It cannot be right that so many more aspies end up in poverty, including homelessness and inprisonmment, compared to NTs. Suicide rates in prisons are very high too so you could say what is happening is a holocaust of sorts. Except unlike the usual kind which is against a race it is against a type of person.



xatrix26
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13 Oct 2017, 1:40 am

fifasy wrote:
I live in apartments for poor people and it is hard sometimes. Neighbours can be loud. Lots of banging. I didn't get that from the neighbours where my middle class parents lived.

Motorbikes loudly coming and going. Strange people visiting, laughing loudly as they walk along the outside hall near my front door.

When I go in and out of the apartment there is a long car park and my neighbours can see it through their windows and I feel scared knowing sometimes they are looking out at me. I just put my head down because I am hopeless at making asppropriatfe facial expressions.

Taking the trash out makers me nervous. I have to go through two gates past a lot of a apartments and one time I saw two youngish guys in hoodies loitering near a gate and they looked mischievous.

I think better housing should be built for aspies, I am becoming more mentally I'll because of these issues. I also don't feel I trust my neighbours. They all have a world weary look about them, and I am just a fresh faced effeminate man who isn't streetwise.

I sometimes think of having all my food delivered by the supermarket so I don't have to go out any more. But then staying inside all the time can get sad too. I don't feel I will be able to live like this in the long term. I just feel like I need more personal space or privacy. Anyone know what I mean?


You and I seem to have a great deal in common my friend. And I see by your status that you are in England. I was born in Canada but I'm half English by ancestry, the other half is Swedish.

And yes poverty is absolutely harder when you're an Aspie and living in an apartment complex as we do. There was a time when I couldn't even enter the hallway without looking through the peephole for several minutes to make sure nobody was there or would come when I open the door. If I had some more money I would simply buy a house that was more isolated and free of overstimulation.

And because I work the night shift I have to deal with a great deal of noise during the day when I'm trying to sleep so most days I'm close to insanity because of the reasons you have stated and the reasons I have stated.

So. Much. Noise. Can't. Deal.

I have overcome my fear of malls so I can get out more but it took 30 years and many antidepressants and therapy. But even these days (42 now) it is still difficult. I wish I had an Autism support dog with me at all times, it would make it easier to manage my lack of emotional control.


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fifasy
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13 Oct 2017, 1:48 am

Enceladus wrote:
If I lived anywhere else in the world I would probably be in the same situation, even a modern western society like the UK. But I'm lucky, I live in one of the filthiest rich places in the world. I'm on disability benefits and it is generous. I have issues for sure, but not issues related to money.

If I where living in another country I would move here. Learn the language and get all the benefits. But it's not as simple as that I suspect.


I think you are lucky in some ways. I wouldn't want to live in Norway myself though. I have read online from expats living there that your vegetables in stores there are poorer quality than most countries. Also that you have less choice of foods to buy. I love cooking so I wouldn't like that. I do like the houses there, the space and the low crime rate though.



fifasy
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13 Oct 2017, 1:52 am

Daniel89 wrote:
I was in a very similar situation until a few months ago living in a council flat in a building mostly occupied with drug addicts, it was hell they would blast music so loud that you could actually feel the vibrations, they would scream and should in the hall way and smoke weed their too it was awful thankfully I finally moved into a bungalow in a nicer area, its a council house and it took me years to get it but was worth it. I suggest you relentlessly try to find similar housing.


It's a good thing you got away. Where you were must have been a nightmare. I am looking for a swap for my home. There is a website (HomeSwapper.co.UK) I am on.



fifasy
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13 Oct 2017, 1:56 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
fifasy wrote:
I live in apartments for poor people and it is hard sometimes. Neighbours can be loud. Lots of banging. I didn't get that from the neighbours where my middle class parents lived.

Motorbikes loudly coming and going. Strange people visiting, laughing loudly as they walk along the outside hall near my front door.

When I go in and out of the apartment there is a long car park and my neighbours can see it through their windows and I feel scared knowing sometimes they are looking out at me. I just put my head down because I am hopeless at making asppropriatfe facial expressions.

Taking the trash out makers me nervous. I have to go through two gates past a lot of a apartments and one time I saw two youngish guys in hoodies loitering near a gate and they looked mischievous.

I think better housing should be built for aspies, I am becoming more mentally I'll because of these issues. I also don't feel I trust my neighbours. They all have a world weary look about them, and I am just a fresh faced effeminate man who isn't streetwise.

I sometimes think of having all my food delivered by the supermarket so I don't have to go out any more. But then staying inside all the time can get sad too. I don't feel I will be able to live like this in the long term. I just feel like I need more personal space or privacy. Anyone know what I mean?


Things may not be quite so sinister as you think, I mean if you're not streetwise at all I could see being in a larger town or city being rather scary and stressful. I mean I grew up living in a lot of smaller towns and such and a few years back moved close to the biggest city in my state Colorado which is Denver and I was certainly more nervous about it at first but so far it hasn't been so bad at all. But yeah the trouble is there is a lot more people walking around or hanging out and if you're nervous about people they can certainly seem more menacing with so many being around but a lot of times they're not. I mean maybe the two guys in hoodies where just smoking a cigarette, I mean I have like 10 of those things and it can be hard not to loiter a bit in a city type area, if you get weary of walking.

I certainly get what you mean but I have just kind of come to accept that if you live in a larger town or city, you're going to be interrupted from time to time, more often than if you live in the mountains or something.

I would not recommend having all your food delivered and not going out at all, if anything that can make it more stressful when you do have to go out, which could just increase your anxiety about going out in the first place and lets just say you probably do not want to develop agoraphobia( I think spellcheck told me to spell it like that, but yeah I mean the disorder where people are afraid to go outside).


I think you are more cool than me, you handle it better. ;)

I am fortunate in one way. My social worker has someone visit me, usually 3 times a week at the moment to go shopping or take the trash out, or go to a social group or coffee with me. I don't know how long it will last and sometimes I struggle to get on with the person because they aren't trains in understanding autism but it is something.



fifasy
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13 Oct 2017, 2:01 am

Ragnahawk wrote:
Yeah I know exactly how you are feeling right now. To the point.

Man fears the unknown until it becomes known.

You have learned through your life that people are untrustworthy? You are correct. You are also incorrect. Because you are correct about people being untrustworthy, there is a factor that you have to consider. Danger. You will need to blend into your environment better. Carry mace around with you, or a weapon. Your fears are completely justified. To conquer your problem, quit sobbing, and do something about it. Security can be acquired. Everything is a resource. You are autistic, use your logic to come up with the solution appropriate for you, that nobody else can come up with.


I wouldnt carry a weapon, you can go to prison for that. Maybe learning a martial art would be goods though chronic low muscle tone and poor hsnd-eye coordination seem to be issues for me, which arent uncommon in aspies. I appreciate your point about the need to do something, to find resources to overcome the problem.



fifasy
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13 Oct 2017, 2:07 am

xatrix26 wrote:
fifasy wrote:
I live in apartments for poor people and it is hard sometimes. Neighbours can be loud. Lots of banging. I didn't get that from the neighbours where my middle class parents lived.

Motorbikes loudly coming and going. Strange people visiting, laughing loudly as they walk along the outside hall near my front door.

When I go in and out of the apartment there is a long car park and my neighbours can see it through their windows and I feel scared knowing sometimes they are looking out at me. I just put my head down because I am hopeless at making asppropriatfe facial expressions.

Taking the trash out makers me nervous. I have to go through two gates past a lot of a apartments and one time I saw two youngish guys in hoodies loitering near a gate and they looked mischievous.

I think better housing should be built for aspies, I am becoming more mentally I'll because of these issues. I also don't feel I trust my neighbours. They all have a world weary look about them, and I am just a fresh faced effeminate man who isn't streetwise.

I sometimes think of having all my food delivered by the supermarket so I don't have to go out any more. But then staying inside all the time can get sad too. I don't feel I will be able to live like this in the long term. I just feel like I need more personal space or privacy. Anyone know what I mean?


You and I seem to have a great deal in common my friend. And I see by your status that you are in England. I was born in Canada but I'm half English by ancestry, the other half is Swedish.

And yes poverty is absolutely harder when you're an Aspie and living in an apartment complex as we do. There was a time when I couldn't even enter the hallway without looking through the peephole for several minutes to make sure nobody was there or would come when I open the door. If I had some more money I would simply buy a house that was more isolated and free of overstimulation.

And because I work the night shift I have to deal with a great deal of noise during the day when I'm trying to sleep so most days I'm close to insanity because of the reasons you have stated and the reasons I have stated.

So. Much. Noise. Can't. Deal.

I have overcome my fear of malls so I can get out more but it took 30 years and many antidepressants and therapy. But even these days (42 now) it is still difficult. I wish I had an Autism support dog with me at all times, it would make it easier to manage my lack of emotional control.


I'm sad to know you still feel the anxiety after so long, and trying therapies. I definitely relate to what you're saying. I hope to find some solution someday... A kind person who will let me live in a room in their nhouse in return for me cooking and cleaning for them. Or some new radical treatment for anxiety and depression. (I am experimenting to see if an all organic diet is one solution). Butt for now there is a sense of dread. All is chaos. Anything could happen.