How to remember I’m not good enough to talk to people

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sly279
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13 Oct 2017, 11:34 pm

I keep forgetting and try talking to people always with the same results :cry: I know I shouldn’t and I’m not good enough but I forget in the moment what can I do to remember not to?



Raleigh
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14 Oct 2017, 1:31 pm

Is this irl or online?
You could walk away or silently count to a hundred before you speak.
Online you can log off, or maybe write what you want to say in a separate word document, which will at least release some of your feelings.

If you keep getting the same results, could you try changing your approach?


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sly279
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14 Oct 2017, 4:43 pm

It’s in person. Part of why I got my job was to socialize but seems people don’t like me cause I’m worthless.
I don’t get why they come over and sit next to me on purpose or talk t me, but then they just go silent and ignore me mid conversation:(



funeralxempire
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14 Oct 2017, 5:02 pm

You're really not worthless. I don't believe you've done anything unforgivable, and even people who have still have the potential to create value for others (even if they still might need to be kept away from society at large).

Being socially awkward, even to the point of struggling with basic interaction doesn't make you lack value as a person. At most it means others struggle to see it, and unfortunately you're struggling to see the value you have as a result. It isn't that you 'forget' anything, it's that on some level you crave interaction, even if simultaneously you also dread it.

Are there certain topics that come up that are more likely to get the result you describe? Are there certain topics that people talk to you about, or listen to you talk about, or best of all that you can talk about with others that last longer than others?


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Sarahsmith
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14 Oct 2017, 7:22 pm

I dont think your worthless. Just because they arent talking to you doesnt mean they think your worthless. It could just mean they know you're a bad communicator.



sly279
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15 Oct 2017, 2:04 am

We were talking about work at work.

It’s not subconscious craving interaction m I’m a social person, by that I mean i need to socialize to be happy, unlike inoverts who prefer to be alone to be happy, most aspies are inoverts. Being a social person and having aspergers is hell. They started talking to me, then just ignored me mid conversation. I’m understanding enough to know that’s incredible rude in the nt world. So clearly they don’t consider me worthy of their time, why then did they start talking to me. I’d prefer thy just leave me alone. I clearly this anoy people with my existence. :cry:

Which is why I don’t believe their compliments. I’m only kept around cause no one else will put up with work conditions in my department. None of them can stand 15 mins up there I do 5 hours a day.



Sarahsmith
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15 Oct 2017, 10:28 am

Poor fella.



Sweetleaf
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15 Oct 2017, 10:50 am

sly279 wrote:
It’s in person. Part of why I got my job was to socialize but seems people don’t like me cause I’m worthless.
I don’t get why they come over and sit next to me on purpose or talk t me, but then they just go silent and ignore me mid conversation:(


Well do you contribute to the conversation? perhaps they feel you aren't giving much input so run out of things to say. but if people come over and sit next to you to talk to you I don't think that is a sign they don't like you.


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garysoneji
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15 Oct 2017, 10:56 am

I think most social people don't care too much about what others think or do while they are talking. They just say whatever they want and move on. Many can be very aggressive or pushy when it comes to their social interactions. Poor reactions never seem to get them down. I don't think they acknowledge it or ever give it a second thought. It's all about confidence in what you're saying.

As an introvert with social anxiety, I don't talk to people or ever feel the need to. I've always waited until someone spoke to me a few times before I was comfortable starting a dialogue with them. Based on their reaction to me striking up a conversation and how frequently they speak to me afterward, I'll either continue to start with them or stop all together.

Without being there to observe these interactions, it's difficult to properly access the situation, but you may be taking the wrong thing away from them. I don't think most people have continuous conversations for long periods of time. They usually have five to ten minutes of small talk and move on. Much of it is habit or compulsion from them.

You may want to try limiting how involved you get into one topic. Try not going too in depth if they don't seem interested in know more than a basic idea. Let them control the conversation. Go where they go. Keep it on topic with what they say. People lose interest quick and prefer short bursts of random topics. Good places to start are current events. People love to live in the moment.


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Last edited by garysoneji on 15 Oct 2017, 11:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

AspieUtah
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15 Oct 2017, 11:04 am

sly279 wrote:
...It’s not subconscious craving interaction m I’m a social person, by that I mean i need to socialize to be happy, unlike inoverts who prefer to be alone to be happy, most aspies are inoverts. Being a social person and having aspergers is hell. They started talking to me, then just ignored me mid conversation. I’m understanding enough to know that’s incredible rude in the nt world. So clearly they don’t consider me worthy of their time, why then did they start talking to me. I’d prefer thy just leave me alone. I clearly this anoy people with my existence. :cry:

Which is why I don’t believe their compliments. I’m only kept around cause no one else will put up with work conditions in my department. None of them can stand 15 mins up there I do 5 hours a day.

I thought I was the only one with this constant concern! People in my life ask me questions only to cut me off after half a sentence in reply. My masking skills since I was five years old have made me too socialized, I guess. I have written elsewhere on WrongPlanet.net about how I feel that I am treated by others like a walking version of Siri or Alexa filling in others' failing memories. Others have told me that they "don't care" about the things I say. And, yes, I occasionally get the same remarks from some WP users, too, when they aren't ignoring my posts. The more I get stifled, the more likely I will eventually explode in a verbal download. I guess that they don't realize that.


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15 Oct 2017, 11:15 am

You ARE good enough to talk to people.Its their fault if they don't have the decency to politely respond.
I can't offer much advice becuse I prefer it if people don't talk to me,I go out of my way to avoid it.
I do have to make small talk on occasion,around here the weather is a great option for conversation or what's on the news.Try to pick up verbal clues on what they are interested in and go from there.


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BuyerBeware
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20 Oct 2017, 12:49 pm

Oh Sly honey people's as*hole behavior ain't your fault.

You ARE good enough. I promise.


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Cardia
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20 Oct 2017, 11:40 pm

People on the spectrum don't usually realize when they start to 'ramble' - myself included. It took a long time to become cognitively aware of this, and even now I still catch myself awkwardly going on about certain topics to people. It can be hard to monitor, especially when it's a special interest or something exciting. This may not relate to your situation, but it could prove to be helpful in any case. If someone stops listening mid-conversation, I try to measure their body language for signs that either they are bored, or feeling awkward because I am rambling on.


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kraftiekortie
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21 Oct 2017, 9:22 am

Listen to Buyer Beware.

Stop all this crapola about you being "worthless" and all that.