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puddingmouse
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27 Oct 2017, 4:08 am

I don't think I'll have children. It would be too much for me to deal with, I think. I sort of agree with Larkin's 'This Be The Verse' - 'Man hands on misery to man/It deepens like a coastal shelf.' I'm not antinatalist, though.

I'm always grateful to have been born in a time/place where procreation is optional for women. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am for that.


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Celifrog
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10 Dec 2017, 7:58 am

Pretty much, can't really find any relationships that will ever last. It'll probably end up that way. Have a hard enough time caring for myself.



MariaTheFictionkin
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10 Dec 2017, 8:02 am

On Earth I'm not interested in children. There doesn't need to be any more humans on this planet for the love of god.

When it comes to having kids with my soulbonds however...er...I don't know. I did think about having kids with JackTheRadiaution since he is literally father material, and even though when it comes to raising non-physical kids there really isn't much to do... I still don't feel like taking on the role of a mother.

And ShadowTheFluffhog doesn't want kids whatsoever.


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MakaylaTheAspie
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10 Dec 2017, 2:28 pm

I've been on birth control for over a year now, I can safely say that I'm not interested in children in the slightest.


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LampRat
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10 Dec 2017, 8:59 pm

My main reason for never wanting kids is that I can't understand them, from what I know. I've never been able to communicate comfortably with them. I feel like I couldn't give a child what they would need to develop and grow well :( I think kids are gross, too, and wouldn't wanna be exposed to the germs they'd pick up. I'd also hate to be pregnant. My partner if I ever found one would have to be the one to get pregnant, but I doubt I'd be a great parent anyway and it probably wouldn't work out that greatly.


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peregrina
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30 Dec 2017, 10:00 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I get along well with kids, and can relate to them. I just really don’t want to be a mother. It’s hard enough looking after myself.


I can relate to that. Exactly, I am struggling to look after myself too. Most people don't realize!

I have never wanted children. I can't stand noises. I don't have maternal instinct. True, I can protect and look after others, including children but not 24/7.
Being female does not equal having an ability to be a mother. It's in my culture: If you are female, you are expected to serve others and be a mother.
When I found that I had a tumor in my uterus, some women in my community, despite that they knew my suffering and problems, still persuaded me to keep my uterus if the tumour was benign. I refused. I had waited for a hysterectomy since my teens. Factory removed, so I will be childless forever. My wish has been fulfilled at last.
Why did I have to keep my uterus? To drain my blood, ruin my career and to bear children in the future? Sorry, not for me.
I am not selfish. I am just realistic. I know my strength and limits.



Chronos
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07 Jan 2018, 5:18 am

I would like children but I was not keen on taking on the female reproductive and parenting role and I've not met anyone I would like to have children with so it's probably not going to happen.



KatieisaStrangeCreature
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07 Jan 2018, 6:12 pm

I've said a million times by now that I really don't ever want to get married or have children, but I'm always afraid that my future self will end up sacrificing a ton of really interesting options for her life by becoming a mom. I'd be extremely disappointed in my future self if she did. Even though I know that my future self won't care about what her 14 year old self thinks, still...
I guess I just kinda can't imagine a mom with the same interests and personality that I posses now. Whoever heard of a mom who knows what Leroy Jenkins is?



hale_bopp
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07 Jan 2018, 10:18 pm

peregrina wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I get along well with kids, and can relate to them. I just really don’t want to be a mother. It’s hard enough looking after myself.


I can relate to that. Exactly, I am struggling to look after myself too. Most people don't realize!

I have never wanted children. I can't stand noises. I don't have maternal instinct. True, I can protect and look after others, including children but not 24/7.
Being female does not equal having an ability to be a mother. It's in my culture: If you are female, you are expected to serve others and be a mother.
When I found that I had a tumor in my uterus, some women in my community, despite that they knew my suffering and problems, still persuaded me to keep my uterus if the tumour was benign. I refused. I had waited for a hysterectomy since my teens. Factory removed, so I will be childless forever. My wish has been fulfilled at last.
Why did I have to keep my uterus? To drain my blood, ruin my career and to bear children in the future? Sorry, not for me.
I am not selfish. I am just realistic. I know my strength and limits.


Everyone who sees me with kids says I should be an early childhood teacher. I’d much rather sit and play with toys with them than talk to their parents at a party. But early childhood teaching doesn’t mean one would cope well with full time motherhood. Like you, I know my limits. And parenthood crosses them.



Chronos
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07 Jan 2018, 11:59 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
peregrina wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I get along well with kids, and can relate to them. I just really don’t want to be a mother. It’s hard enough looking after myself.


I can relate to that. Exactly, I am struggling to look after myself too. Most people don't realize!

I have never wanted children. I can't stand noises. I don't have maternal instinct. True, I can protect and look after others, including children but not 24/7.
Being female does not equal having an ability to be a mother. It's in my culture: If you are female, you are expected to serve others and be a mother.
When I found that I had a tumor in my uterus, some women in my community, despite that they knew my suffering and problems, still persuaded me to keep my uterus if the tumour was benign. I refused. I had waited for a hysterectomy since my teens. Factory removed, so I will be childless forever. My wish has been fulfilled at last.
Why did I have to keep my uterus? To drain my blood, ruin my career and to bear children in the future? Sorry, not for me.
I am not selfish. I am just realistic. I know my strength and limits.


Everyone who sees me with kids says I should be an early childhood teacher. I’d much rather sit and play with toys with them than talk to their parents at a party. But early childhood teaching doesn’t mean one would cope well with full time motherhood. Like you, I know my limits. And parenthood crosses them.


My aunt was the same way. She was very good with small children but didn't want any of her own.
People usually don't figure me the type to be good with small children but when my sister had kids, she was shocked to find out that I am....probably not as good as my mom or older sister but I have no temper when it comes to small children and have very vivid memories of when I was that young so I understand their perspective of the world.



MrsPeel
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08 Jan 2018, 6:32 am

I didn't know I had ASD growing up, I just wanted to be 'normal'.
I spent my twenties being as absolutely 'normal' as I could be, I got married (in a church - what was I thinking?), I got pregnant (twice - ditto).
With no mothering instinct whatsoever, I just assumed I'd learn as I went along, because that's what normal people did.
So yeah, my poor kids...

Let that be a lesson on the perils of being undiagnosed, I guess, and of having zero self-awareness. I'm in awe of those of you who've made the childless choice. Good for you.



magz
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08 Jan 2018, 7:11 am

My mother believed all my mental issues would go away once I had my own children.
She made me believe it too.

The good of this is I was aware of my weirdness enough to put a lot of effort into finding the right spouse. Not just get married, find a man capable of loving the quirk I am. We succeeded :)
But raising my children is the classic example of expectations exceeding coping capacity. I got mentally ill.
I'm doing my best to be a good mother. Even if it sometimes includes sending the children away so my mind can heal.
I feel my body wants to give births. It's the calling of nature I hear. But my mind can't cope with constant overstimulation of motherhood. If only I could give births, breastfeed and then hand the toddlers over... but it's not how it works in the culture I live.


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BuyerBeware
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08 Jan 2018, 11:37 am

The way American society treats kids and parenthood is just weird. On one hand, we encourage people to spoil kids rotten, give them all the things and very little responsibility, as if they’re not going to be adults someday or as if the knowledge of how to adult is going to materialize with their first apartment key. Then we act like they’re inherently a burden, not an asset. THEN we pity/judge people who cannot or choose not to have them.

Just WEIRD. Not natural, or sane.

Anyone who is self-aware enough to say, “Don’t want ‘em” and then responsible enough to keep from having them really shouldn’t get pity and judgment. Just, “Cool, man. You do you.” Seems like theory of mind is a difficult thing to find ANYWHERE.


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Amity
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08 Jan 2018, 3:43 pm

There is an expectation that having children is part of being a normal woman, I've felt that pressure and pity that well intentioned women have for me as a childless woman.
In my 20s my goal was to be independently financially stable enough to have children in my 30s, but I was in a bad situation with the wrong person.

A good few years later and life has taken a different direction, finding out about Aspergers was a game changer, now I've given myself permission to just be me. All the years of trying to be normal made me quite unwell and knowing to the better has made me wary of biological urges, after a while I put them in the same category as the feelings a horny teenage boy might have :lol:



bethannny
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08 Jan 2018, 7:58 pm

Not only do I not want children, I want a hysterectomy. I am getting wiped out by the 20 days apart menstrual cycles and endometriosis. I have just about zero interest in kids.



hale_bopp
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10 Jan 2018, 2:20 pm

Amity wrote:
There is an expectation that having children is part of being a normal woman, I've felt that pressure and pity that well intentioned women have for me as a childless woman.


Fortunately for me, I've never had that expectation forced upon me. I've been called "Selfish" once for not wanting children, but I shut that person down pretty quickly. They happened to be my best friend.

I'm very grateful that I have not had the prejudice other women have for choosing not to have children.