Is anyone else extremely apathetic?

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I don't care about anything. Especially not myself. I don't like my family or anyone for that matter. I hate my name especially because it just reminds me of everything I hate most. I actually have to go by a different name and it's just another thing no one will understand.
It's been like this for a while and I've just gotten used to it. I just see life as an endurance test. Sure I have my "special interests" but they're just more things for everyone to criticize me about. Suicidal thoughts are just a normal everyday thing now and I'll even joke about it to my brother who is pretty much the only person I care about.
Anyway as you can see I'm really apathetic beyond the norm of depressive disorders. Anyone else experience this?

That sounds really hard. I see you're age 14, and I would say that was probably, at least from a bullying/criticizing perspective, the hardest time. For me anyway, once I hit about grade 10, people tended to go from bullying me to just ignoring me, which was a lot better. I hope it gets better for you.

As for apathy, I don't think so most of the time. When things are really bad, I tend to retreat towards apathy, but that tends to be a temporary state.

I don't even get bullied though. Apparently, according to other people, people actually like me. I guess people my age like me because I'm smart and apparently mildly attractive? I don't spend much time thinking about myself or my appearance anymore honestly.
But that's a problem in itself. People are drawn to me and I hate it. As much as they squirm for attention they'll never understand. And I talk to people very pessimistic mind you. I don't see what about myself draws people in when I don't even like myself. I really wish people would just ignore me.

Sometimes I am, it was worse when I was younger though.

A large part of what you're feeling is due to your age and hormones associated with that age. If there are other events influencing your thinking, outside of a general feeling (that's the hormones), then you need to talk to a councilor to help you through this time.

I'm sure some of what I feel is due to age but I'm positive that isn't all.
I've definitely researched and most don't become apathetic as I have.
I was sure someone here would have the same feeling but I guess not.
I'm sick of people telling me my problems are just hormones so please refrain from doing so. I assumed on a forum of like minded people I could get away from that but I guess not.

Well....if it's at least partially the truth, it has to be said. Pertaining to "hormones." We Aspies believe in the truth.

The question in my mind: What do you think would help you get rid of your apathy? What would make you happy?

I don't think there's anything really. That's kind of my main point. I've just accepted that life sucks and it's even more difficult because of my disability. Something could make me happy for a short time but it won't change my way of thinking.
And I know they're saying the truth about hormones it's just that I already know and people tell me that all the time. I hate for things to be repeated.
I just thought someone else would feel the same.

I feel the same way sometimes, and I'm 56.

I felt the way you felt when I was a high school kid. Didn't get me anywhere. Had to find my own solution, because nobody else will find that solution for you.

Life is made up of "little islets of happiness." One has to be able to take advantage of them.

Have you tried SSRIs (Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro) or any other anti-depressants (i.e. Remeron)? I was very emotionally neutral until I started taking anti-depressants... then my emotions came out and I felt more "normal". I now take Remeron 45mg and now feel emotional instead of "neutral"...

Yeah I take 30 mg of lexapro. Should I ask my psychiatrist for more?

You have to make sure you consider the potential side effects.

Yep. Maybe you should speak to your psychiatrist about this.

Okay I am 34 years old. Usually I feel a bit apathetic about almost everything.... However sometimes I feel way too emotional and I am ashamed of how theatrical I feel

And I do not know how to express emotions

Anyways. Actually I want to become less emotional.

Being "apathetic" has advantages and disadvantages.

Being apathetic is not necessarily just a bad thing or a mental illness symptom.

Sometimes, the slightest thing causes me to feel disproportionately emotional, positive or negative....

But, in the long term, not many things matter....

Anyways

Meh

equanimity could be a good thing.

apathy sounds a bit extreme. but that could just be word choice. connotation vs denotation.

it is a good thing (i think), to not be too particular/picky.

but, even if apathy is a bad thing, there are plenty of worse things.

when i feel apathetic i feel like i see the big picture.

when i was in 5th grade, got into Gifted and Talented Education. the secretary told me it was "a very good thing". whooptie do.

in middle school, got to take a Gifted and Talented Education class. read books like "A Separate Peace", "To Kill a Mockingbird", "Dragonwings", "As You Like it".

so what?

the thing was, on the first day of 6th grade, my elective was Computer Science. (which i signed up for). the school called my house and asked if i wanted to take GATE class. so i made the mistake of asking my precious lil "parents". and they said "yes". so. at that school, in that year, students were allowed one elective per year. students with PE waivers could take 2 electives.

hence, instead of Computer Science, took GATE.

big hairy mistake

mistake

mistake

mistake

what did we do in GATE, besides critical thinking and heart to heart discussions?

not much. play computer games.

much better to take Computer Science instead

and then when i got to college, i was barely computer literate. when i took C++, freshman year. it was like. whoa.

whoa whoa whoa



even, my cousin got a BS in Aerospace Engineering from Davis 10 years ago. he has been living at home since. he does not earn enough $$ to move out.

so, something that looks splendid (Aerospace Engineering BS) might turn out to be not so great after all.

he has since defaulted on school loans.

in other words, it might've been better, financially, for him to not have gone to college altogether.



thus excuses my gluttonous and lazy ways.

because you might think something is a good goal. it appears like a good goal. but maybe it is not worth the amount of effort

cost benefit analysis

and maybe you get the goal, but the result is worst than you imagined

I can be so very apathetic. I'm not sure if it's part depression or what. Im not into talking to psychiatrists or taking meds so I tend to wallow for a bit then find something to get absorbed in and I find I'm happy even in my apathy most of the time.
Are you happily or unhappily apathetic?
I'm female so I don't know how male hormones feel. I thought most hormones make one a bit giddy and restless. Do you have trouble finding something that satisfies you? I remember feeling like I just didn't know - I just didn't have an answer to anything outside of academics. I suppose that's why I like science and math. There tends to be a logical answer for you to discover.

Avoiding people can be difficult if you are in a school. Headphones, books, and pretending to nap with your head buried in your arms on your table can be useful.

Your brother is lucky to have someone that cares about him.