People in relationships don't understand

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I don't like to give too many personal details publicly.

I remember us having out differences, but this... post... is... brilliant!

It's interesting that you mentioned "a quirky friend my own age". I'm actually friends with a girl like that. She's easily the nicest, most fun girl I've met in years. Her other friends are similar. The most ironic thing is that I don't want a relationships with her. Because I feel like all the lighthearted, platonic fun I have with her now, will be replaced by drawn-out evenings of "talking about our feelings" and snooty dinner parties with other couples . She told me before that she had feelings for me, but I came clean about my apprehension toward any and all relationships, as well as made it clear that it had nothing to do with her personally. We're still friends, thankfully.

I think my friends' girlfriends just don't know what to make of me. They probably think I'm refusing happiness, or something, like a homeless man refusing a motel room. What they don't realize is that today's relationships are meant to serve women's needs, not men's needs. So in their minds, of course a relationship will bring me happiness. Like a mild solipsism of sorts. And my friends, being NTs, are following a social script of "must settle down!", because they simply can't imagine not doing so. Not unlike how I was at age 18. Although back then, I was just trying to keep up with the NTs around me.

See this is where we disagree. A good relationship benefits both parties.

Relationships aren't some trap set up to benefit women. Why do I say that? Because I know so many women who have been unhappy in relationships. Some are persisting in unhappy relationships and tell me to stay single and i can see how unhappy they are. They're not just saying that to make me feel better.

Why do you think so? I am just curious.

Bye bye main thread topic. Hello sexes war.

Men feel like women won't let them spend money on stuff they want in a relationship. And women control how they spend their free time.

Women feel like men want them to do all The housework and cooking in a relationship. And men control how they spend their free time.

Both sexes get something out of it. Both sexes lose something.

Back to main topic.

My friend was saying she was thinking of some single women she could introduce me to.

Why single?

People don't get the point of what I'm saying. I want people to mix more. Single people don't have 2 heads. We're not unable to mixed with paired up people.

Anyway. I made a new friend last week on my own. She's married. Shock! Married people and single people can be friends.

Married and single women can be friends if it remains 1-to-1 friendship.

Problems happen when it expands to more than that, It's when 'couple outings' happen is when you feel that you're being cast aside or not even invited.

It shouldn't though. Why not invite 2 or 3 single people along so there's no third wheels? We all know plenty of single people in my social circle. It's not like there's only 1 single oddball no one's knows what to do with.

When I organise get togethers I invite a mixture of people and we all have a nice time. It's not awkward at all. The couples just don't think. I'm tired of being the one who has to organise things.

Can I just point out to you MRA's here that the partner of a good female friend of mine has said no to something he could have said yes to, something important, and made a huge mess.

Don't you dare tell me that women have all the power and get whatever their hearts desire. If you really believe that you live in cloud cuckoo land.

Female friend proposed to her boyfriend and got rejected. Did she buy a diamond ring? (I am just curious)

Lol no. Interesting guess though. I can't tell you. She would be gutted if she new I'd even hinted at it on the internet.

I am annoyed with him though.

How dare a woman doesn't buy a diamond engagement ring when proposing to her man?!

He did the right thing, hmp!

Losing valuable friendships because of others' relationships is inevitable for most of us on the spectrum. This has happened to me countless times over the years. It still hurts the same as the first one. They do not see it as much of a loss. I can usually sense it happening over time and brace myself for the upcoming friendship loss. (While I do have a few married friends that survived the process, we do not hang out and do things together like we used to back in the day.) To pass the time alone, I spend it working on research for my special interests. I find that as I become more preoccupied with things, I am less aware of not having friends around. In the past have tried to go out with single groups at events, but alas, I do not really have much in common with them other than being single.

This was done in my social circle already, and very poorly. I think they just don't know how to organize groups.

First off, there's only one other single man who comes only once every few months, and I have very little in common with him. For instance, he likes cars, I like trains. Second, single men and single women are treated as differently as night and day. Single women are actively included into conversations; single men are relegated to second-class status. (Except once, when there was only one woman on the scene.) I'm aware that as a man, I'm supposed to fight for my status in all groups to some degree, but with long-time friends, a little inclusion would be nice.

One time I hung out in the mixed group like you described, the couples caused a planned outing to fall though. They did it by talking... and talking... and talking... until we missed the whole thing. I faked a stomachache and went home. Then I swigged vodka straight out the bottle to quell the anger inside me. Maybe all this just comes off inadvertently , due to the strong social chemistry between the queen bees of the group.

I think that when you (hurtloam) organize things, it's just you---one person---doing it. Meetup groups work the same way: members may have likes and dislikes, but the organizer's word is final. If they want to build up a single-friendly group, then it's going to happen. There's no social chemistry, like among my friends' girlfriends, getting in the way. So the usual NT groupthink doesn't skew the group in one gender's favor.

Oh well. Maybe I should just continue being the organiser. My nights always go well. Ive just been so tired lately that i've wished i could have a bit of support, but I guess I should just keep on doing what I'm doing.

I'd join your Meetup group . But I'm in USA, and the writing in your location looks like a European language.

Your story, as well as my Meetup group experiences, proves something: Any time group decisions are made by one person in charge, rather than by "the group" (read: mindless groupthink), marginal members of the group, like me, come away happier.