Therapist Wants Me to Make Eye Contact

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Hi, just a bit of an update.

I told my therapist about it and he didn't seem to reach the conclusion that I didn't really want to do eye contact. He continues to try and practice it with me and I'm too shy to say anything.

Well, I suppose something will have to give sooner or later. Either you'll find eye contact gets less painful or you'll continue to find it so bad for you that you'll finally have to stop doing his bidding and he'll just have to accept defeat on that one. Can't you just stop going there and find another therapist? He seems awfully pushy and more certain of the rightness of his treatments than I'd think anybody ought to be. Or maybe you could write him a letter or something, if that's any easier for you than telling him in person to stop pushing the eye contact thing. Or maybe somebody else could have a word with him on your behalf.

I really don't think eye contact is so vitally important - it's no doubt useful if you can do it fairly painlessly, but I've got away with very little eye contact - I very often forget it, or find it distracts me too much from focussing on what's being said to me, and when I do remember it, I usually just shoot the occasional glance and look away for the rest of the time, which seems to do the job OK. In a lot of social encounters the detail of what's being said isn't that important, so that's when I risk it the most. But mainly I just don't look right into people's eyes, and yet I've managed to hang on socially. I don't know where this society is that expects eye contact so strictly. Most people I associate with are fairly tolerant about that kind of thing.

Sorry to hear this.

I did notice you said 'he didn't seem to reach the conclusion' - does this mean you gave some hints hoping he would pick up on them? I am wondering how you told him and was it direct enough or not.

Not all therapists can read between the lines very well and some are very directive, becoming the expert in the room instead of you.

Oh dear this is sad. I do feel for you because this would also be an impossible situation for me as well and quite difficult to tolerate. It is unfortunate that your therapist doesn't understand the fundamental problem of eye contact and Autistics.

I would suggest simply mentioning it to him that this is just something you can't do but I can see that you're not ready to do that so I hope you can pull through this problem.

Is your therapist an autism specialist? I wonder if they are working more from a social anxiety point of view. That's the problem with therapists. I've been to many and guess how many suggested I get tested for autism. 0. His approach may be the only thing she knows but the root is possibly autism. Some listen and write on a little pad. Some approach it from crazy psychoanalytical views. But if you are autistic and they aren't trained in it they will never understand you.

That is annoying! I never make eye contact with my therapist, and I don't think you should be forced to.

The therapist earns money for interacting with the client

The client pays for therapist

Sometimes clients lie down on a couch during counseling, thus avoiding eye contact