I'm too egoistic in conversations

Post Reply New Topic

I noticed that when I'm talking with people I often talk a lot by my point of view and I don't ask or pay attention to their opinion. I want to change it because I want to have friends but I never remember to care about this things, so I end up doing wrong.

Also, I often recommend movies to friends but I never watch or show interest when they do the same for me.

I dont think you are egoistic when you are this self aware as you are

Have you tried analyzing a conversation in retrospect and then thinking about where you could have injected a question? I used to be scared of asking questions, but I got better at it.

Today I felt like I was egotistical. Besides, even if you have a Christmas list of weaknesses, why not focus on the strengths you have?

That sounds like you have made a good insight about yourself. Not that you should beat up on yourself about it, but that you should work on it a little.

I do this too. And sometimes I don't realize until afterwards.
Sometimes, if it's someone I see regularly, I'll write a letter and focus on questions I want to ask. Or just a list of questions. I don't have to give the person the letter, but sometimes writing it down helps to remember it. Then I've got a sort of concrete script. I have to stop myself from scripting my own responses to the questions when I do it.
In general just practicing helps. When I notice that I'm running the other person over I try to stop, let them talk, ask questions. Practicing does help for me. But much more so if I find the other person really interesting.
I also try to let the other person know that it's something I feel like I have a problem with, that if I start to get carried away on a monologue they should let me know. That I will appreciate it if they stop me when I'm doing it so it can be a better interaction.
It can be a lot of work, and there are always ups and downs. Sometimes I just completely run the other person over, one day I trapped someone I consider a friend on a corner for 45 minutes with a big long monologue. She was crying! I realized I was doing it and just couldn't stop. I felt terrible about it! I apologized to her a number of times.
Other times I'm trying so hard not to go off on a monologue that I almost don't say anything, I know that if I start talking I probably won't stop.
It's always challenging, one way or another.

Yes, once you realize the issue it does take practice to do better.

I think I might be guilty of this too, or turning things around to me.

I don't want to do it though, especially after seeing how Trump does it all the time. I don't think that is lack of empathy though, I think it's narcissism. LOL

If you do catch yourself doing this, you don't need to do anything clever. Just stop talking and pretend it didn't happen. Your captive audience will not only appreciate it, but more often than not they won't make a big deal of it if you don't.