Now I get censored for any displays of emotion

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I am upset this morning just thinking about things and my husband, fearing a total meltdown because I started to pound my fists, first accuses me of not taking my meds (which I always do) then tries to get me to take my benzo which I can't be doing all the time.

Such actions always leads me to be more frustrated in the long run! I keep telling him to leave me alone when I feel that way... He just doesn't get it.

Don't your psychs tell you you have right to your emotions? Yes, these are your emotions, it is you and you need your space to show them. This is what I am told by both my psychiatrist and my therapist and those two have helped me a lot.
What do they want you to be? Your psychs, your husband? A silent, drugged, obidient zombie? Or a person?
Maybe you need to learn a more accepted way to display your emotions but you are entitled to have them and show them.

Frankly, it's been my experience that most people (at least in the States) prefer a silent, obedient, softly smiling zombie. Only their emotions are "real" and valid; having to deal with someone else's feelings, whether positive or negative, is just an inconvenience to them.

I think it's got something to do with our media culture, advertisements and glossy magazines and such, that always depict these mild, tidy, perfect lives. People end up feeling like they're the only ones that have to deal with anything that's not smooth and pretty.

You can't change it. f**k 'em.

My relatives' solution to the problem is to stay more or less constantly stoned on a mix of marijuana, amphetamines, benzos, and opiates (legally acquired, other than the pot, but certainly not used in a manner consistent with their labelling).

Whatevs. I don't want to live like that...

...but I note that they're more functional than I was on either antipsychotics or SSRIs (taken as directed), and at least they get a nice buzz in exchange for their doll-like self-erasure.

They're not mentally healthy by any stretch of the imagination. Other than my aunt, they serve nobody but themselves. They're constantly on the take. They have no work ethic; the only things they will labor at are getting high and trying to swindle someone else. Take away even one drug, and they become unpredictable and violent.

But-- pretty, mild, smooth mannequin faces, doll-like smiles, social graces. They are smiled upon, while I am scorned. f**k 'em. Other than my aunt, they can drown for all I care.

It sounds like a dismissal tactic. Some people prefer to dismiss what frightens them, and honest feelings from others scare a lot of people.

But pounding fists is a behavior that tends to scare a lot of NTs. Throwing drugs at that behavior is not the answer. But it would be worth mentioning to a therapist. This is not a statement of judgment. I used to handle myself in similar ways, and it got me into a lot of trouble.