My experience with cliques

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Cliques have plagued me since 7th grade. Girls, particularly, have been too hard for me to fully understand the motives of. I remember I had a falling-out with a popular girl over my own social issues, and that got me banned from Instagram. She was the one being supported, not me. Unlike these girls, I had genuine intentions and was actually hurt if they did not accept my invitation. A more internalized issue occurred during 8th grade where two out of eight girls rejected me for unknown reasons. These girls seemed to be the most “popular” and were both white, compared to the other members, who were half-non-white. I’m Asian, so that might have been the reason. They could have possibly been racist to me and the other girls since they left frequently. I feel like the average popular white girl does not like people that aren’t white like myself. The Asian girls in the group seemed to accept me the most, but that’s probably because I’m also Asian.

Now I see all of the popular kids in the school leadership club, which absolutely disgusts me. I was hoping to join, but it was so that I could break up the bad cliques and teach them alternative ways to become friends with someone. I now realize how ignorant and uncaring they really are and how much they hate themselves. I have these issues too, but they’re milder and more internalized. Due to my maturity, I do not get along with most other freshmen.

I just want to find older teens I can easily connect with so that I don’t have to face these issues with people my age.

I highly doubt you'll find mature friends at your age. Teen act like teens. You shouldn't expect anything more from them.
Could you explain why you wanted to change the way they think? I've never had such a need to have friends before. It just seems odd. Do you really wish to seek relationships with people who don't understand you?

Upon realizing that I’m a bit more mentally mature than the average person my age, I later intended to teach them. It’s not a battle for supremacy, it’s a battle for the truth. If other freshmen listened, I would tell them both the rights and wrongs of their ways. Clique behaviors have caused many problems for me, so why not spare other people the issues?

I recognize your words as truthful. I have always seen things this way in my early adolescent years (still an early teen).

But why go out of your way to teach them when you could just talk to more mature people? It seems like a waste of time. Is there someone you specifically wanted to talk to but wasn't mature enough for your tastes?

I am simply losing my patience with finding a more mature person to talk to. It takes FOREVER to find any mature teens, so I usually talk to adults. But now I want CHANGE. I am getting bored of doing the same things over and over and I feel as though I might not ever be able to connect with other teens due to a mental age gap.

I definitely understand how you could get bored but thinking you can teach or change someone's ideals is foolish.
We're the same age so I think I understand what kinds of teens you're talking about and it's honestly just a lost cause trying to interact with them.
Until we are our own mental ages we will be even more of outcasts. Unfortunately that's the way it has to be.

Well, it is very much true. I say this is humanity’s DOOM and FATE.

And I'd agree.
I do recall you mentioning a crush you had. Was he like the others? And have you made progress on that?

That crush is appearing more than ever, and I’m not even approaching him. He’s more mature than the other kids, but he still has his moments. He seems to be appearing near me more often than usual, strangely enough. I stay in my history teacher’s classroom for lunch, and my crush is usually there with his friends. Although I dislike their taste in music, (rap/hip-hop) it does not prevent me from keeping the crush. I prefer mental strength over appearances (though he’s quite handsome). He demonstrates more mental strength than his friends and fellow male freshmen could ever have (or as I see it).

Cliques can be brutal their is no doubt about it. But generalizations I find are unhelpful to say the least, especially as a good chunk of people are willing to open up, and get to know you, just as their are people who will dismiss and be nasty. You'll be surprised, it may appear as though so many people are just part of the same crowd, but that is not true.

You should probably talk to your crush to be honest. For one what is their to lose? And secondly it will help you open up and make friends with others. Sure it may be awkward at first, but that's the price for success and besides so many people are.

I agree. You're gaining nothing from not talking to him. Have you established nothing with him?

My therapists actually discourage me from even getting near him, which I see as very clique-like in mannerisms. They always threatened me if I tried to talk to him, so this crush is completely baseless. I’d really wish they would let me establish some sort of relationship with him, (even a casual friendship counts) but neither my parents or my therapists want to.

Why do they advise against it? To be social is pretty much all my therapist tells me to do.

Hypocrisy, I know. They always tell me to be social, and I am (selectively), but they are constantly trying to force a friendship with me and someone I don’t know. They discourage me from even getting near anyone that seems “popular,” which I wouldn’t mind if they weren’t being so strict about it. They still think I am not social enough, but I’m just trying to avoid clique influence. They think that my crush is “popular,” but I disagree. He has NO traits of a “popular” kid whatsoever, so I don’t understand why my therapists are taking important social opportunities away from me if they want me to be social.

That seems very strange, besides being popular does not coincide with nastiness, it just means that you have allot of people as your friends. Those particular groups can be nasty but it isn't a given.

If they are threatening you they must be really worried about you. Apart from saying he is popular, what might be some reasons why it is happening.

Hmm. I suppose they just want what's best for you. Do you associate with anyone "non popular"? They may just not want you to overwhelm yourself.
I recall you mentioning you played sports yes? Is that a social thing for you?