Bitterness and Resentment are Super-Unattractive

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If people have complaints about a specific phenomenon, I tend to find them useful. I can check it myself. If every event leads into the same complaint, or a person always has a long list of new complaints on the same theme, it seems pathological.

I recognize that statistically, some people just have s**t luck. I hope not to make the fundamental attribution error, in any case.

Even so, this involves my perceptions. I make a sincere effort to pay attention. Back to my adaptive idea, I make that sincere effort because I learned to make an effort if I wanted to have some hope of understanding people.

I don't want anyone to feel attacked by this, for Set's sake! I said that I used to turn people off by complaining, and didn't realize it. Then I realized it, and thought it noteworthy in retrospect. I see examples of people who desperately want to make social connections. They complain too much about it. Ironic, right? Again, just trying to help in my clumsy, autistic way.

It came to me regarding holding onto people who reject us and there are two things that you have to realize

1. Sure we may have been hurt at some point by people who are friends, family, lovers etc due to this or that. However, it's not their fault that we are unhappy. Rather, we who are the one with the problem which is the bitterness and the resentfulness.

2. The best way we can combat being haunted by a rejection, which can fuel the resentment is by talking about all the positive things that you do and did with people today.

When you are that bitter, it means that you are giving those people power by remaining resentful.

Healing from bitterness involves a coming to terms and letting go. Holding on to it harms the holder, and neuroplasticity creates pathways when bitter thoughts are ruminated on again and again. There are always things to find gratitude for, no matter however small. I speak as a survivor of many things, life threatening illnesses and medical events, professional betrayals, having no real parents in childhood, having to make my own way in life, the loss of loved ones through stupid practical jokes that turned lethal, and being stolen from on a number of occasions. I remember those and other adverse events, though I see them in a wider perspective. There will always be mean and malicious people, though they aren't going to control my thoughts or my life. They are what they are. I will never let them control my life via my mind because they tried to cheat, use or harm me (and some did). The most painful are the people who lie about you for their own advantage, trying to demean you to pump themselves up to appear falsely blameless. Often narcissists, but that's what they do. They are what they are. Learn and remember their tactics, and keep them out of your life because they are toxic to everyone they encounter apart from their flying monkeys and golden children.

I'll copy the quote you posted too. Thanks.