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Sleemo99
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 27 Oct 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 1
Location: Australia

27 Oct 2017, 10:14 am

Hello,
I've never been formally diagnosed with autism...it's certainly been skirted around by psychologists when I was younger, but the topic—as far as I'm aware—was never really brought up

I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, (depression in the past) and it makes sense... but it doesn't account for all the other things that go on in my life

Ever since being a very small child, I have had an extreme sensitivity to noise. Sometimes I hear things scuttling before my cats do. I can hear a spider crawl, I can hear people whispering in the other room. I always thought of it like my secret super power. But with it comes a dark side... thunder, dogs barking, shopping centres, restaurants, cars beeping, people shouting, even cinemas... all of these cause me to physically flinch, and my throat to close up. I get a lot of distress from these sounds (plus more, anything sudden and loud is a no no) and I have to block my ears. Sometimes I do it so hard that my fingers ache and my ears are left red and sore. Sometimes the noises make me want to cry

I also have poor social skills. I am very observant, however, and I learn to adapt quickly. I watch people when I interact with them and I repeat what I see, usually subconsciously, but when I'm anxious it's more in the front of my mind. I some times slip up and my "easy social nature" falters, and my sister in particular looks at me like I'm a different person and asks me "What the hell?"—and I mean, I don't blame her. I watch her behaviour more than anyone's because I trust her a lot. I think I should mention I understand animals a lot better than people, and can read them easily. I make fast friends with animals, I have more animal friends than people, and I find non-verbal communication with them to be a breeze

I also have an avid imagination and a penchant for remembering odd things. Words, for example. I have an almost obsession with words. And I can pull them out of a hat at any given moment. I like to write, so this is an asset. As a child my obsession was dinosaurs; I still retain all of that knowledge to this day, and I can prattle on about prehistoric time periods, the animals relevant to each one, and explain evidence of great extinction events for hours. My imagination is so wild sometimes that i am always really excited to sit in the dark alone and conjure up stories and ideas in my head. I am happiest when I'm alone, and don't have to work to interact with anyone. My favourite time of the day is when everybody leaves me alone, the neighbors are inside, and I can go out side and garden and feel like i can unwind for once

School work has always been my kryptonite. I struggle immensely with school work... I have a lot of focus and ability to learn, I practice it daily, but I can't bring myself to do this with my study. I feel like it's so patronising... I hate it. It makes me furious. I feel my head fills with fog and I can't think, and it's one of the only instances in my life where I want to enact my feelings physically. I have before, back when people said I was being lazy for not wanting to go to school and face people. I would rip my work up and screamed and cry. Then I just stopped going to school in grade 7, and ended up in a mental health hospital a year later, self-harming and what not. But that's beside the point...I am a very patient person. Just not with school, I have no motivation.. I don't know if this could be related though

As a final note...I can't look people in the eye. I try, but I automatically look away. People often say I have weird behaviour. I'll watch everyone, I know what everybody in the room is saying and doing, but as soon as it's directed at me I stare somewhere else—usually the floor

I plan to get a formal diagnosis, now that I have grown up some and can see the merit in psychologists more than I did as a kid. But I'm curious to know what you will think... would I be wasting my time?



AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 69,880
Location: Portland, Oregon

27 Oct 2017, 2:35 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet! :D

I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder {GAD for short}, so PM me whenever you want when you want to open up to someone about your experiences with having an anxiety disorder.


_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


Tonywars
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 30 Oct 2017
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 14
Location: UK

31 Oct 2017, 9:52 am

^^ So sorry you never got a reply. Are things ok now? I got diagnosed aged 52 and have been more or less left to fend for myself.